Ranking cinematic Christmas dinners by how delicious they look
When you’re young, Christmas is all about the presents, and when the fateful day passes, and all your relatives have given you disappointing books and notepads, the festive season is most certainly over. Yet, the older you get, the more you realise that Christmas is a competition among the fierce, the bold and the brave. It’s a competition to see who can eat and drink the most, yet still have the energy to win a game of Articulate in the evening.
This is something that too few Christmas movies seem to understand, with the central feast of the holy day often being reduced in movies to fleeting scenes, usually coming at the very end of the movie. Instead, filmmakers give us scenes of bratty kids delighted with their new BB gun or comic. How often must we tell these directors? We simply don’t care, “Show us the food!”
To celebrate the passion and heart of such Christmas dinners, it’s time to criticise the feasts of festive movies like Gordon Ramsey, examining dry slabs of ham before launching them at the wall in disgust; “Far too dry!”. The following list doesn’t ignore the worst Christmas dinners in movie history, yet neither does it turn a blind eye to the very best in this festive restaurant. Every dish will be analysed.
So, enter into this forensic cinematic kitchen, where the turkey will be scrutinised, sprouts studied, and carrots quizzed. No plate will be left unexplored.
Delicious movie Christmas dinners:
10. Elf (Jon Favreau, 2003)
This is utterly putrid. While Jon Favreau’s 2003 Christmas favourite Elf, starring Will Ferrell, may be one of the most beloved festive favourites of all time, it includes a scene that makes the stomach churn on an annual basis. The moment sees Ferrell’s Buddy eat a plate of spaghetti, marshmallows, chocolate sauce, pop-tarts and maple syrup after smushing it all together into a sloppy quagmire.
While this may seem like a good idea if you’re a child seeking sugar over anything else in existence, when you pass the age of about 15, this scene will turn into something conjured from the depths of hell.
9. Trading Places (John Landis, 1983)
The John Landis comedy Trading Places, starring Eddie Murphy and Dan Aykroyd, is one of Christmas’ most underrated festive treats. Still, the ‘dinner’, if you can even call it that, which Aykroyd’s Louis Winthorpe III eats aboard the bus while he is very much down on his luck, is grotty and grim. The meal itself is a slab of salmon that he gnaws on through his wiry white Santa beard while onlookers turn their noses.
Indeed, the only reason the fishy dish earns a higher place than Buddy’s spaghetti in Elf is that the salmon looks cooked, so it’s unlikely to make you ill, something we cannot say for the sweet pasta of the comedy favourite.
8. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (Jeremiah S. Chechik, 1989)
On the surface, it appears the festive classic National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, starring Chevy Chase, offers a decent banquet, aside from a few peculiar-looking dishes, but as the scene goes on, the horrors beneath the surface are revealed. We can look past that green jellified pus in the centre of the table and the puddings brought out far too early on the far side of the table, as the turkey looks utterly delectable.
Sadly for viewers and the characters themselves, once Chase’s Clark Griswold actually carves into the turkey, it shows off just how utterly dry it is inside, looking like a semi-edible version of John Carpenter’s Thing.
7. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (David Yates, 2007)
Apparently, even magic can’t make a delicious-looking feast. Indeed, although we don’t get a proper good look at the Christmas dinner prepared in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, what we do see is laughable. The wine is, indeed, flowing, which it gets bonus points for, yet the table lacks any kind of real variety, aside from the bronze turkey that is kept at the far end of the table as if it’s a guest no one wants to talk to.
Why isn’t the turkey being given any love? There should be someone there gently carving its flesh with loving strokes. Instead, the Weasleys seem more fixated on their presents. As Ron himself would say, they need to sort out their priorities.
6. Santa’s Slay (David Steiman, 2005)
Few people managed to get around to watching David Steiman’s 2005 comedy Christmas movie Santa’s Slay, despite the fact that it contains one of the most delicious-looking festive feasts ever put to film. Now, don’t get us wrong, this isn’t the kind of dinner you’d see in a Waitrose advert, but it’s a decent effort that momentarily gets the belly rumbling and the mouth salivating.
Let’s get the obvious out of the way: there isn’t enough food on the table for six people. In addition, the food looks average at best, with far too many sausage rolls and a turkey that has been left in the oven far too long. Still, an invitation wouldn’t be turned down.
5. The Grinch (Scott Mosier, Yarrow Cheney, 2018)
Who says a feast has to be real to be delicious? The food that directors Scott Mosier and Yarrow Cheney animate for 2018’s animation The Grinch is inspiring, almost making you jealous of the strangely proportioned digitally-created men, women and children at the table. Everything you could ever want is present, with pies, turkey, tarts, sprouts and what looks like meatballs, which will undoubtedly be left for the dog.
However, one massive reservation is that the Grinch will be carving the turkey even though he has never celebrated Christmas. Why are they allowing him this power? They only have themselves when they are chewing on uneven chunks of bird.
4. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (Chris Columbus, 1992)
Here’s the thing: while Kevin McCallister’s meal in Home Alone 2: Lost in New York isn’t ‘traditional’, it also looks like a proper hoot. Pouring himself one of the nicest glasses of coke ever put to cinema, McCallister watches the original Grinch animation on TV whilst in a limousine that’s giving him a tour around New York City. To make matters even better, they’re on their way to a toy store.
Even if you’re a fully grown adult, the idea of going into a limo with a cheese pizza and a Coke before heading out onto the streets of New York City sounds like a dream come true. Who needs roast spuds when you’ve got cream leather seats?
3. Almost Christmas (David E. Talbert, 2016)
Although David E. Talbert’s Almost Christmas gets a shout for its delectable-looking feast, this is also a good opportunity to highlight just how much fun the film really is. Anyway, enough of that, onto the food. Ignoring the disaster later in the scene, the spread set out is an impressive feat, with carrots and parsnips on offer, as well as cranberry sauce, which seldom gets the credit it deserves on the silver screen.
What really elevates the dinner, however, is the range of desserts on display in the background: two cakes, a chocolate extravaganza and one covered in frosting. It also looks as though those brown columns could be edible.
2. A Muppet Christmas Carol (Brian Henson, 1992)
The felt-made muppet characters may appear to have mouths, but alas, they cannot eat. With this considered, that means that whilst Scrooge, played by Michael Caine, is gorging on the range of exquisite foods on sight, they could be singing for him, rubbing his back, performing a rendition of The Nutcracker, or, indeed, all three at the same time. After all, Scrooge is paying most of their wages.
Even if they can eat, it looks as though there’s enough food to feed the masses. There’s jelly, multiple meats, potatoes and even a disconcerting tower of fruit with an abundance of oranges, not that that has any place on a banquet table.
1. Krampus (Michael Dougherty, 2015)
Who would have known that the finest cinematic Christmas dinner would appear in one of the most horrible movies? Michael Dougherty’s film about Santa’s naughty twin, Krampus, is actually a proper laugh for horror lovers and fans of mischievous holiday cinema, with the dinner scene being an unexpected cherry on the top of an already satisfying cake that features enough laughter to fuel any great Christmas day.
The guests may be entirely ungrateful, but the spread on offer in Krampus isn’t just realistic, but it also all looks rather nice, with sprouts, potatoes, runner beans, turkey and even crème brûlée, which most people can’t be bothered to make on the big day. But Toni Collette is not ‘most people’.
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