Noel Gallagher’s 10 funniest insults
Both of the Oasis brothers have never been ones to hold their tongues; their ability to rant about their fellow musicians so freely is something that has helped them throughout their careers. People have always enjoyed looking at who the two of them have upset this time, and their poetic reverences are no stranger to headlines.
In recent years, Liam seems to have settled down slightly, with most of his insults being hurled towards Noel (and certain music publications which are actually very good). On the other hand, Noel still loves speaking his mind, regardless of who it might upset.
The people caught in the firing line of his obsession with the insult include everyone from fellow musicians to royalty. Regardless of who he is speaking about, Noel has a way of cutting deep to the core of what he doesn’t like about them, not letting up on his terms, and is unrelenting with every syllable.
Here are some of the funniest insults that Noel Gallagher has ever said.
Noel Gallagher’s best insults:
System of a Down
“Do you ever look at the sky and think, I’m glad I’m alive? After I head System of a Down, I thought, I’m actually alive to hear the shittiest band of all time. Which is quite something when you think about it. Of all the bands that gone before and all the bands that’ll be in the future, I was around when the worst was around.”
NME
“If you see an NME journalist at any of the gigs (and let’s face it, they’re pretty easy to spot; they don’t stray far from hospitality, wear God-awful clothes – particularly the shoes – got dreadful hair and that kind of ‘mug me’ look about them), give ‘em a clip round the earhold from me and tell ‘em to behave.”
Kaiser Chiefs
(After calling them wankers) “Well, they are, though. The worst thing about them is that they’re not very good. They play dress-up and sit on top of an apex of meaninglessness. They don’t mean anything to anybody apart from their fucking ugly girlfriends.”
Keane
“I feel sorry for Keane. No matter how hard they try they’ll always be squares. Even if one of them started injecting heroin into his cock people would go ‘yeah but your dad was a vicar, good night’.”
Liam Gallagher
“He’s rude, arrogant, intimidating and lazy. He’s the angriest man you’ll ever meet. He’s like a man with a fork in a world of soup.”
Sleaford Mods
“They’re like fucking Brown Bottle in Viz. There’s no joy in that, is there? It’s just two guys, one clearly mentally ill, who’s just shouting like Brown Bottle about fucking cider and fucking shit chicken. Yeah, that would’ve been fun wouldn’t it, at Knebworth. ‘Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and while we’re all here’, while all the people at the back are on acid and E, ‘round of applause for the miners, wahey’. Fuck off.”
Victoria Beckham
“Why is Posh Beckham writing a fucking book of her memoirs? She can’t even chew chewing gum and walk in a fucking straight line at the same time, let alone write a book.”
Jack White
“Jack White has just done a song for Coca-Cola. End of. He ceases to be in the club. And he looks like Zorro on doughnuts. He’s supposed to be the poster boy for the alternative way of thinking… I’m not having that, that’s fucking wrong. Particularly Coca-Cola, it’s like doing a fucking gig for McDonald’s.”
Blur
“Damon Albarn is a fucking knobber. And his guitarist – who I thought was all right – seems to think that he’s some intelligent superhuman being, the fucking idiot. I never met the drummer and the bassist, who I first didn’t like and thought he was a cunt, turned out to be quite all right. But I don’t like the music, and I don’t like the singer.”
Himself
“I’m average at fucking best.”
