Bee Gees

Although the Stones rocker recognises youthfulness is part of pop, the Bee Gees’ high-pitched voices seemingly have Richards thinking they were intoning adolescence a little too literally with their act. When Rolling Stone asked the star guitarist what he thought of the band, he wasted no time in stating: “Well, they’re in their own little fantasy world”.

It was a world that was a little too wishy-washy for him. He added: “You only have to read what they talk about in interviews… how many suits they’ve got and that kind of crap. It’s all kid stuff, isn’t it?” Nevertheless, the Bee Gees might argue that at least those suits are velour, and that kid’s stuff sits firmly in the top ten biggest-selling records of all time list.

The Beatles

Richards has had a multitude of thoughts regarding The Beatles over the years, and most of them pertain to thinking that they went rapidly downhill. In his view, rock ‘n’ roll music is made for live audiences, and once they began a studio band, he seemed to think they disappeared up their own arses. “I think The Beatles had passed their performing peak even before they were famous,” he once opined. 

And he levelled a similar criticism at Sgt Peppers, “I think they got carried away. Why not? If you’re the Beatles in the ’60s, you just get carried away—you forget what it is you wanted to do. You’re starting to do Sgt. Pepper. Some people think it’s a genius album, but I think it’s a mishmash of rubbish, kind of like Satanic Majesties.” Naturally, the fact that his own band copied it will have some people claiming it undermines his statement, but Richards has never been one to deal in trifling technicalities.

The Band

“I saw them at the [Bob] Dylan gig on the Isle of Wight and I was disappointed,” Richards said of The Band. “Dylan was beautiful, especially when he did the songs by himself. He has a unique rhythm which only seems to come off when he’s performing solo.” But he was less impressed by his legendary backing group.

Adding, “The Band were just too strict. They’ve been playing together for a long, long time, and what I couldn’t understand was their lack of spontaneity.” Perhaps that’s because most of the time they were playing to someone else’s lead. 

Ironically, Dylan once had an on-stage spat with The Rolling Stones because he was unhappy with their backing when they collaborated. As Black Crowes frontman Chris Robinson recalled: “The Stones don’t jam; they don’t deviate […] they go around the chorus, and then they come up to Bob’s turn. So, the band brings the [rhythm], and Bob goes to the mic and doesn’t sing it.”

Led Zeppelin

Richards was a little more measured when it came to Led Zeppelin, that is, unless you are Robert Plant. “I played their album quite a few times when I first got it,“ he said of their 1969 debut, “but then the guy’s voice started to get on my nerves. I don’t know why; maybe he’s a little too acrobatic,” he opined. 

Nevertheless, he did reserve some praise for the band. “Jimmy Page is a great guitar player,” he added, “and a very respected one.” In fact, he even went a step further in another interview and stated, “To me, Led Zeppelin is Jimmy Page if you want to cut the story short.” But he was less complimentary when it came to John Bonham, who was a little too thundering for his liking.

David Bowie

Remarkably, Richards also fell into the oft-misunderstood David Bowie trap, too. He credited the Hunky Dory track ‘Changes’ as a classic but quickly added, “I can’t think of anything else he’s done that would make my hair stand up,” dismissing the rest of his ever-changing, 400+ song discography.

Later, taking an even more scathing turn, he commented, “It’s all pose. It’s all fucking posing. It’s nothing to do with music. He knows it too.” Well, no shit Richards, but how many people had the creative ingenuity to pose as an androgynous alien rather than another cliched snarling rock star? Nevertheless, the Stones man never understood it all, and when Jagger started to orbit Bowie’s oeuvre, he wondered why he was wasting his time on someone he could “deliver ten times more than“.

Prince

Prince bestrode the 1980s like a little colossus and changed the colour of the era with his expert musicianship, didn‘t he, ‘Keef’? No. “An overrated midget,” Richards dismissed. “Prince has to find out what it means to be a prince. That’s the trouble with conferring a title on yourself before you’ve proved it.”

This all arose on their 1981 tour together, during which his bandmate, Charlie Watts, was moved to crown Prince a “musical genius“, but Richards has never agreed. “His attitude when he opened for us… was insulting to our audience,“ he said. “You don’t try to knock off the headline like that when you’re playing a Stones crowd. He’s a prince who thinks he’s a king already. Good luck to him.” Yeah, break a little leg, mate. 

Elton John

Now, in a cutting review that seems fitting of the platinum jubilee, perhaps Richards’ most brutal ‘you shouldn’t laugh, but you can’t help it insult’ was levelled at Elton John, who he called, “An old bitch.“ Adding that “his writing is limited to songs about dead blondes.” To be fair, that particular song has sold over 33million copies.

With that in mind, Elton John was determined not to be outdone, and his response is also comically commendable. “It would be awful to be like Keith Richards. He’s pathetic. It’s like a monkey with arthritis, trying to go on stage and look young. I have great respect for the Stones but they would have been better if they had thrown Keith out 15 years ago,” the Rocketman rallied. I wonder what they write in each other’s Christmas cards?

Black Sabbath

Before we get into his hatred of Black Sabbath, perhaps the music that Richards adores helps to illuminate his point of view. “What I love about reggae,” Richards explains in the recent Under the Influence documentary, “is that it’s all so natural, there’s none of this forced stuff that I was getting tired of in rock music.”

He then goes on to clarify, “Rock ‘n’ roll I never get tired of, but ‘rock’ is a white man’s version, and they turn it into a march, that’s [the modern] version of rock. Excuse me,” he adds humorously, “I prefer the roll.” It provides a pretty decent picture of the star and why he wouldn’t get along with the innovators of heavy metal, nor the groups that followed them. But he’s made it clear over the years that Black Sabbath were just a bit too sludgy for his liking.

Metallica

As established, Richards was, quite simply, not a fan of heavy metal, and he took aim at two of the most notable names in the business. “Millions are in love with Metallica and Black Sabbath. I just thought they were great jokes,“ he said. “I don’t know where Metallica’s inspiration comes from, but if it’s from me, then I fucked up.”

While Richards and his hellraising ways can probably take credit – though he might not want to – for the rebellious spirit of heavy metal, it’s safe to assume that the music feels a little far away from the riff machine he created with The Rolling Stones. “The rock’s easy,” he said, ”but the roll is another thing.”

Mick Jagger

Where do you begin with the amount of fun that Richards has poked at his fabled frontman? Musically, he failed to reserve a spot for Mick Jagger on his 20 greatest singers list, despite putting himself in there. But worse still, he once wrote, “Marianne Faithfull had no fun with his tiny todger. I know he’s got an enormous pair of balls, but it doesn’t quite fill the gap.” Perhaps he had to resort to playing Sticky Fingers?

He also brutally bemoaned that The Beatles had four good singers in their band, and he didn’t even have one! He also slammed his solo work, saying, “Mick Jagger’s really good when he’s with The Rolling Stones, but when he ain’t, I don’t think anybody gives a fucking toss.” And when the singer accepted a knighthood, it sent Richards around the twist, too.