Existential Boozer: A Proustian pint with The Cribs
The halcyon days of the indie 2000s are long gone; that much was clear when The Cribs descended on a pub in east London.
A stone’s throw from some of the venues they would have played in those iconic years, The Cribs now cut the figures of a very different band. The brothers from Wakefield are now dotted on all different corners of the globe, where they practice far quieter and more reflective lives than the days of indie sleaze may have afforded.
Wild industry parties and gigs that lasted all night long have now disappeared into the ether, replaced by a culture that exists largely online. Clearly, it doesn’t sit well with them, and so watching the bubbles settle on our pint, in a near-empty pub, in complete silence, feels appropriately mournful.
But with every sip and question from Marcel Proust’s questionnaire comes a realisation that this new world in which they exist has actually brought some peace. The philosopher’s questions allow us to skip the small talk that may have squandered any chances of bridge-building between their world and my more modern one, and instead diagnose our differences as just pre-disposed cultural ones.
Because the questionnaire proves that despite the eras, we are all pretty similar. Insecurities, fears and love exist at the heart of us all, and the hedonism of old was just artifice. Ryan Jarman may have lived the lives we think we want from music, New York highrises, house parties with Courtney Love and a whole lot more. But through Proust, he tells us that at the end of the day, it’s just about the music.
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
“Probably being asleep. That’s simple, but I guess that’s right for everyone.”
What is your greatest fear?
“I don’t really have that many fears for myself. I never have done. But I hate the idea of having to deal with the reality of something bad happening to people that I care about.”
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
“Probably vanity. It’s an automatic turn off if I see it in other people… I don’t hang out with many people that have that as a trait.”
Which living person do you most admire?
“As a guitar player, Brian May. I love his guitar playing, yeah, he’s the best.”
Is there a track or a solo that you particularly love?
“All of it. He’s never not tasteful and melodic. He’s just the best.”
What is your greatest extravagance?
“I guess in 2009, I think it was. It was definitely when Johnny was in the band and some guy was trying to sell me Keanu Reeves’ jacket from Bram Stoker’s Dracula.
“It was the one that he got married in or something, and he wanted loads of money for it. I don’t even know how he got in touch with me or whatever, but suffice to say I ended up buying it and it’s now lived in my mum’s attic for the last ten years.”
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
“It depends what you’re going to class as virtue, because I would say pride, probably, because I think that turns ugly quite quickly. But is pride a virtue or a vice? I imagine a lot of people who carry a lot of pride around see it as a virtue, and a lot of people don’t see it as a vice. But, I just think that one tends to get ugly quite quickly.”
On what occasion do you lie?
“Only ever to protect someone else’s honour.”
What is the quality you most like in a person?
“Have you ever noticed how if you see someone cry, they’re usually crying about when they’re talking about themselves. They’re usually crying about something that has affected them. And if I see someone crying about an external thing, where they’re talking about someone else, that’s by far the most attractive quality in someone, I think.
“It’s so rare. Just try and take notice, the next few times you see someone crying. Nine times out of ten they’re going to be talking about something that happens to them. It is so easy when we’re talking about something that happened to someone else.”
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
“‘Like,’ definitely I’m not above that one. I’ve actually got a pretty good vocabulary; I take pride in that. I don’t swear very often because I don’t like that. But I’m not above saying ‘like,’ ‘it were like,’ ‘you know,’ that one comes up a lot, all of those proper basic bitch ones.”
When you’re ever in New York, does that accent or colloquialisms ever come to bite you in the arse?
“Since moving to New York, I feel like my Yorkshire accent or British accent has actually become more impenetrable. I feel like it’s actually gotten heavier because I tried to be a little bit easier to understand. But I felt that just compounded how little people understood my accent. If I was making a conscious effort to be understood, it actually made it worse. So I just leant into it, but people like it though so it actually doesn’t matter. I actually see it as a benefit.”
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
“My girlfriend. We’ve been together since 2012, and she’s definitely the greatest love of my life. I I can’t imagine life without her.”
When and where are you happiest?
“The happiest time in my life was when I first went to New York. I wasn’t living there, but when I first went out and visited, Jen, my girlfriend, was living in a recording studio called The Maid’s Room. It was literally just an apartment, but it had been converted into a 24-track analogue studio, so it was old school.
“It was in the Lower East Side, I think it was down on Clinton. So I lived there with her, and it was summer 2012 – it was really, really hot in New York that year. It was actually a functioning commercial studio, so we would write songs all night when there was no one in and then through the day, we used to have to leave at 8am, unless I was working a session, which I did a couple of times.
“At 8am we would have to leave every morning and we’d go sleep in the laundromat which was just around the corner. I think I’ve never felt happier or more at home than sleeping on that laundromat floor. I don’t know why that was so appealing to me, but I’ve never felt more at home.”
Which talent would you most like to have?
“Have you ever watched Project Runway? They make their own clothes – they’re really rad, you know. I’d love to be able to make my own clothes.”
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
“It’s a personal one. Despite all the things that we’ve done with the band and stuff, when we started the band, we had no real aspirations for it, because that was just unrealistic. So despite the fact that I think that we’ve kind of surpassed anything that we ever thought was possible with the band, I’m proud of that.
“But the last few years, since 2021, my girlfriend has had some major health problems, and I dealt with it. That surprised me. I just clicked into this crisis mode, and it was literally just me and her. We had no help, we were pretty much just on our own in New York, so I felt like the whole weight of it kind of fell on my shoulders, and it didn’t matter how scared I was, I’ve been able to deal with it.
“Genuinely a lot of the stuff that I’ve done in the last few years outside the band. I almost feel like my life was building towards that test. I genuinely feel like that was something to test me. Because it snapped me out of all the bullshit I got caught up in. I don’t drink or anything anymore. All the weird hang-ups and shit that you get attached to being a musician. All that stuff was swept away so quickly.”
If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
“I would come back as a Mayfly. It’s got one to get everything done, literally one day to live your entire life. I’d come back as that. That sounds like an interesting challenge because, would you actually do it, or would you just toss the day off?”
Where would you most like to live?
“I would live in that laundromat, probably. Or I would live in a studio forever on the Lower East Side. It’s not actually there anymore. But the first place that we lived in was Williamsburg, where we lived on Bedford and North 1st.
“We had an apartment there, and Williamsburg was affordable. But Williamsburg has become crazy expensive. So, in my mind, I feel like I would live there if I could live anywhere.”
What is your most treasured possession?
“Back in 2005 after the NME Awards I got stabbed in the back on the table full of glass. So it was shortly after that. At that time, we were in LA all the time because we had just signed to Warner, so they wanted us there because we signed out of the LA office.
“Whenever I was in LA, I would be living with Courtney Love at her house. When I was a kid, the idea that that’s where I would stay in LA? I wouldn’t have really believed it. So I used to stay with her a lot, and after that NME Awards incident, she gave me a lock of Kurt Cobain’s hair.
“So I have a lock of Kurt Cobain’s hair in a little drug baggie.”
Would you ever put that in a glass case or just keep it in the baggie?
“Well, I’ve literally never told anyone about that because I thought that it was quite, I actually felt kind of felt a bit embarrassed to tell people that because there’s almost a rub or whenever or not that’s bad taste.
“But she gave it to me as this talismanic kind of thing. Because I had this incident and she said ‘this is what happens when you die young.’ I mean, that’s what she said to me when she gave it to me, which I thought was a cool gesture, and it’s nice, but it wasn’t.
“It’s funny because it’s just in a baggie at the bottom of my sock drawer, but I feel like it should be somewhere safer.”
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
“From what I can see, it would be like dope sickness or any kind of addiction.”
What is your favourite occupation?
“Boxer. I think I know a few boxers, and I always have a lot of respect for it because of the discipline involved, the dedication involved and the fact that you are literally fighting as your profession. Your occupation is literally fighting for your career, and for your existence, your family and your money. I mean, I just think that that’s a really pure occupation.”
What do you most value with your friends?
“Transparency and honesty. Because even if it’s uncomfortable and someone is completely honest… It’s really hard to not love someone who’s honest.”
Which historical figure do you most identify with?
“I don’t know if I would identify with him, but I really liked Ayrton Senna. I saw that documentary years ago, but I remember my dad, he’s always been into Formula One and the fact that he was so dedicated to what he was doing and to perfection and to pushing himself. Ultimately, it was undoing. I identify on that level, you have this singular goal on this singular interest, and you’ve got tunnel vision on it, you tend to push it too far.”
How would you like to die?
“I’d like to be poisoned, if possible. I’d like someone to poison me.”
So you say you feel no pain or feel pain from the poisoning?
“I think pain comes with it, I think that’s kind of built in, but there just seems to be something that feels like it tracks for some reason. I feel like that might happen.”
What is your motto?
“I find myself telling myself a lot, ‘it’s on me.’ I feel like I find myself telling myself that a lot. Or ‘it’s all about the riff.’”
One for the road, what is the greatest indie song of the 2000s?
“We just came off tour with The Rapture, and they were playing ‘House of Jealous Lovers’ all the time. That is a legitimate hit of that era. When they first put it out, you’d hear everywhere that it didn’t really have much of an effect on me, but seeing it on this tour, it was like ‘oh yeah, I do really like it.’
“But to me, the greatest indie song of the noughties was ‘Winners’ by Bobby Conn. That’s my favourite, and it’s the one that I listen to the most, and it resonates with me. ‘Lucky Charms’ by Moldy Peaches, I really like that one. To me, what makes a song great is if I just listen to it a lot. So either those two ‘Winners’ by Bobby Conn or ‘Lucky Charms’ by Moldy Peaches.”
