The very worst of Bernie Taupin and Elton John’s lyrics
Elton John has quite cosily positioned himself within the safety blanket of his own legacy.
During what seems like a never-ending farewell tour, he could rattle through a string of hits and confirm his place as one of the most influential modern songwriters, because of course, those shows were a never-ending spiral of greatest hits, anthemic choruses and easy melodies. Old fans double down on their undying love for the tracks while new fans focus on what’s being served to them, which, on the surface, are bulletproof anthems with universally relatable lyrics, tapping into the modern experience.
It’s only when you dig a little deeper and listen to some of the album tracks that were left behind in the dust that you begin to see hairline fractures in Elton’s veneer of greatness. Some of the lyrics from his back catalogue are either wasteful or distasteful, with only the brilliance from his seminal tracks existing in between.
Really, the polarising nature of his lyrics seems indicative of his relationship with co-writer Bernie Taupin. The man who sat quietly in the background writing songs for Elton’s rise to stardom was both the rose and thorn of the pianist’s career, supplying him with good and bad, while falling out with him regularly and ferociously.
Whether Taupin is outrightly to blame for these upcoming lyrics, or the finger should be pointed at Elton for not filtering them before recording, is entirely up to you. What isn’t up for debate, however, is their objectively awful nature.
Five toe-curlingly bad Bernie Taupin and Elton John lyrics:
‘Shooting Star’ – ‘A Single Man’ (1978)
A truly basic metaphor for inspirational love that feels more at home in a primary school music lesson than it does in the hands of one of music’s greatest ever songwriters, Elton sings, “I’m still in love with you, oh, shooting star / And when I start to wonder where you are / There you are, there you are, shooting star”.
We all know that he enjoyed every ounce of fame in the ‘70s, and at points, it was Taupin’s duty to bring him back to earth. Never was it more needed than on this song that left Elton genuinely believing he could get away with so little lyrical input and still come out with universal appeal. And perhaps, the lack of storytelling depth is to blame for the damp vocal he delivered on this record.
‘I Am Your Robot’ – ‘Jump Up!’ (1982)
The only defence I can feasibly offer for the songwriting partnership is the state of society come 1982. Modernity was an entirely new and almost alien concept, to the point where it was glamourised and maybe, just maybe, this was Elton and Taupin’s attempt to join the party.
But even still, there’s no way of dressing up Elton’s automated vocal performance of the lyrics, “I am your robot, I am programmed to love you, my serial number is 44357”. It’s a truly weak attempt at sonic innovation and even worse perception of how to lace the new societal outlook into a genuine narrative arc.
‘Poor Cow’ – ‘Reg Strikes Back’ (1988)
Elton’s very best songs seem to be oozing empathy, whether it’s about himself, a third person or maybe society as a whole. So it seems genuinely bemusing that he could even begin to approach a song about an unwed pregnant girl, stuck in an abusive relationship and not only call it ‘Poor Cow’ but sing the lyrics, “Poor cow / It’s a monkey see town / You’ll walk down the aisle / In the hand me down gown / Of some poor cow”.
Even if it is a weird attempt at irony, it’s so clunky in its writing that you would have to be of the highest brow to even understand it. It smacks of the sort of elitism that maybe Taupin and Elton were subject to during their rise to stardom, and genuinely forgot that the lives of everyday people were actually the same as theirs.
‘Dirty Little Girl’ – ‘Goodbye Yellow Brick Road’ (1973)
Now, as you’ll sadly realise, this isn’t the first time Elton and Taupin will outrightly objectify a woman in their lyrics. They seemed to have a terrible habit of doing so in the 1970s, and ‘Dirty Little Girl’ was a prime example.
On the song, Elton sings, “Someone grab that bitch by the ears / Rub her down, scrub her back / And turn her inside out / ’Cause I bet she hasn’t had a bath in years”. There’s an arrogance to both Taupin and Elton that they think they can get away with that because of the song’s overarching narrative about a travelling woman. ‘Oh, it’s just about cleaning up’, they can innocently refute when rightly pressed on why such deep-seated misogyny is present.
‘Island Girl’ – ‘Rock Of The Westies’ (1975)
The entire song sees some of Taupin’s very worst lyrics, and quite simply, any of the lines could have battled for a place on the list. But when Elton sings, “Well she’s black as coal, but she burns like a fire / And she wraps herself around you like a well-worn tire”, in a faux-reggae soundscape, the toes do a whole lot more than curl.
Not only are the lyrics racially motivated, but the wider narrative of a Jamaican sex worker living in New York City is clumsily approached with heavy stereotyping, making it a misogynistic mess also. These incredibly delicate subjects fail to approach any of the nuance a man like Elton John would usually pride himself on, and make for a damning and contradictory song for his legacy.
