Spelling – ‘Portrait Of My Heart’ album review: over-polished nothingness
THE SKINNY: There are many arguments against AI art – the ethics, the environmental impact, the destruction it would cause to the human workforce – but one of the most compelling is the argument that a machine, with no lived human experience, no nuance, no complexity, no spirit, could never create music with the kind of depth of emotion art has always been here to translate. Spelling didn’t make an AI pop album, but somehow, Portrait of My Heart feels like a portrait of that cold, overly polished future as proof humans can do it, too.
When something is too perfected, it stops being compelling. There is a level to which too much shine becomes a veil, and too much polish becomes an eraser. Spelling fell into that issue on every track here. Listening through, there are absolutely no issues with this album. Every instrumental is the obvious result of skill and talent. Each song is thoroughly made and neatly finished. They have captivating intros, build into the expected climax and take you on a journey. But that expected nature is the issue. The skill on display seems to lack passion and surprise.
There is nothing emotionally compelling in an album that claims to be the artist’s most direct and revealing work yet. Instead, it feels like fictional movie music, like the kind of songs that a band in Freaky Friday would make, written by a Hollywood committee to tick some boxes: angsty, tick, grungey, tick, rebellious, tick. It feels like a paradoxical critique to criticise someone for caring too much or making something too perfect, but that’s the issue here. It’s overdone to the point where it blurs to nothingness, like a video game soundtrack or a Eurovision.
It falls limp in every corner. While being deemed ‘Prog-pop’, it feels dated. While being treated as a revealing and emotive piece, I left the record feeling like I’d learnt nothing about Chrystia Cabral, the voice behind it all. While being their fourth album, it seems to lack identity or bravery. By a fourth album, an artist has earned the right to more spontaneity, but Spelling doesn’t take that chance.
Instead, Portrait Of My Heart feels too measured and somehow lacks a human touch and the beauty of flaws. It feels like an insane critique to have, to claim something is too perfected, but this is an album that has wiped itself off the thing that makes art stick. It is too smoothed over that there is no grip, and the result is something placid and cold despite the music thinking it’s ticking the boxes for passionate, rebellious and exciting.
For fans of: Fictional bands.
A concluding comment from ChatGPT: *uploads this album to teach it’s bots how to make ‘rock music’*
Portrait Of My Heart track by track:
Release date: 28th March | Producer: Rob Bisel and Chrystia Cabral | Label: Sacred Bones Records
‘Portrait Of My Heart’: I love when an album starts with the title track and lays it out right away. As the strongest track on the album by far, Spelling balances a huge hooky chorus with some more interesting production choices. [3/5]
‘Keep It Alive’: This is the first instance of the album sounding somehow fake. The song rhymes almost too intensely and feels almost too polished, leaving behind no real heart or personality. [1.5/5]
‘Alibi’: The falseness keeps up as the melodrama levels up there is still emotion missing. It’s like a video game soundtrack or a stock song – perfected and skilled but with no grip. [1.5/5]
‘Waterfall’: As the 2000s pop-punk sound falls away a second, I have hope. It lasts a few seconds for the intro and then falls away again into more polished nothingness. It sounds like a eurovision entry that would come along with a flames and a lot of leather. [1.5/5]
‘Destiny Arrives’: This is being packaged as ‘Prog-pop’ but i’m struggling to find anything progressive about it. In fact, it feels dated. At least here, the instrumental offers something different to the rest. [2/5]
‘Ammunition’: How does even the piano feel fake, like is this played on a real piano? It feels like a forgettable Prince ballad covered by a pub singer. [1/5]
‘Mount Analogue’: Same story – promising intro, instantly ruined the second Spelling actually starts singing as I’m starting to realise maybe what I don’t like is her ever-overdone vocal performance. [2/5]
‘Drain’: Okay, there is something here. Spelling’s upper register is endlessly nicer, and against a more grunge-informed instrumental, this is better. [2.5/5]
‘Satisfaction’: Desperately checking how many more tracks I have left to go, get me out of here. [1.5/5]
‘Love Ray Eyes’: Admittedly, I have not listened to any of Spelling’s other albums to udnerstand if any of this is a partocularly interesting sonic shift, but from the painful “ahh”s here, I won’t be doing so. [1/5]
‘Sometimes’: Maybe the best was saved till last or maybe i’m just relieved we’re done. [2.5/5]
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