The 1987 show Kurt Cobain would never forget: “After all those years”
Like many, Kurt Cobain fell in love with music because it provided a sanctuary for his troubles… From a young age, it was the perfect escape from the real world, a secret haven where people often seemed to understand his mind better than he did.
When Cobain listened to music or attended live concerts, it often felt the darker depths of his mind could simultaneously rest and break free, the pit becoming a place where he could simply exist. In those loud, explosive environments in Seattle’s underground punk circuit, he could finally let go and take ownership of the weighty baggage that would follow him around for the rest of his life.
Perhaps part of the appeal was that, for one brief moment, Cobain could enjoy existing in the shadows among other rock fans, while also feeling like he belonged somewhere else, somewhere where people understood just as well what sorts of things he was going through outside of those walls.
However, Cobain didn’t just go along with a movement for the hell of it, nor did he endeavour to join certain groups just because they made him feel less alone. In fact, from a young age, Cobain knew which people and spaces were worthwhile and which weren’t, which made him seem somewhat of an outsider on the school playground, but ensured that he didn’t attract the wrong types of friendship groups that didn’t share or understand the same view of the world.
In fact, one of the first things he realised was that his opinion on some of the more popular rock bands, like Led Zeppelin and AC/DC, was considerably different from everybody else’s. While he enjoyed some of the melodies and arrangements, he didn’t appreciate the lyrics and themes, many of which he felt were too derogatory towards women or carried too heavy a reliance on the perils of sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll.
As a result, when Cobain started writing his own music, he ensured that his words and stories always came from somewhere more legitimate and meaningful, with even the more commanding or aggressive arrangements refraining from falling into all the same threads that said rock stars pulled on to make their music.
That’s probably also why, when Cobain once attended a show where Steve Albini’s Big Black was performing, he thought he was having a religious experience. After all, Albini always argued that Big Black did punk differently than everybody else, with music that wasn’t just intense or comically heavy for the sake of it. It felt more real than most things at the time, which is probably why the night when Cobain was in the audience, he was so moved that he had to carry a piece of the show with him forever. Literally.
As Albini later recalled to NME, their final show in “some industrial space in Seattle” was one for the books. At the end of it, which felt like it took place in some strange building with a “makeshift stage”, the band smashed up all their gear on stage to rile people up and get the energy pumping. It was at this point that a young boy went up to him and asked for a piece of his guitar, to which he replied, “Go ahead, it’s garbage now.”
Of course, years later, during the sessions for In Utero, Albini would realise that it was Cobain who had approached him that night, after the late singer showed him the piece of guitar he still carried with him everywhere he went. Evidently, the experience stayed with him so much that he needed to hold onto it, even when he became a well-established name in his own right.
“He had brought it with him after all those years,” said Albini. “He had been that kid.”
