Tranmere vs ‘The Tube’: the story of Half Man Half Biscuit rejecting a TV appearance
When it comes to the history of musical heroes, a lot of the time, we’re reduced to speaking about those who were technically proficient at their instruments, and often, those who rise to the top are somewhat guilty of having had a helping hand along the way due to their privileged upbringings. It’s unfortunate that many of the most talented stars come from wealthy backgrounds, and it’s essential that we continue to champion talent from deprived areas rather than continually injecting cash into those who don’t need that boost.
However, fame does sometimes come knocking for those from working-class origins, and while many may be lauded as heroes for reaching the big-time, others stick to their morals and choose to refuse the path to success in favour of remaining true to their roots and principles. If you’re after a true example of working-class musical heroes who laughed in the face of potential stardom, look no further than the absurdist post-punk act Half Man Half Biscuit.
Half Man Half Biscuit may not have had chops, but they certainly knew how to craft a song that captured the attention of a cultish fanbase. The group, formed by bassist Neil Crossley and lead singer Nigel Blackwell, never appeared to take things seriously, and in a sense, they were insistent on appearing just like your average person. Born and raised in Birkenhead, Merseyside, they would bond over three mutual loves: punk rock, their daft sense of humour, and sport.
The former is easy to hear from their musical output, but the latter two were a constant feature of their lyrics, with every song laced with a thick layer of satire and references to obscure sporting figures. No other band in history could’ve so effortlessly written songs about cricketer Fred Titmus or snooker referee Len Ganley or shown a dedication to European football through songs like ‘All I Want For Christmas Is a Dukla Prague Away Kit’ and ‘I Was a Teenage Armchair Honved Fan’.
However, their true love in sport was Tranmere Rovers FC, and their devotion to the club would be tested when the opportunity of a lifetime arrived at the start of 1986. From personal experience, I can attest that there’s nothing quite like the sort of primal passion that you get from following the trials and tribulations of a lower-league football team, and while consistently having to brace yourself for potential ecstasy or misery might seem like a chore to some, it’s a feeling that others chase.
Such was Half Man Half Biscuit’s adoration of Tranmere Rovers, when they received a call from producers for the Channel 4 late-night music show, The Tube, midway through what had been an underwhelming season for the club, the band were presented with a dilemma – travel to Newcastle on a Friday night to perform on a live broadcast to the nation, or remain at home to allow for an easy journey to Prenton Park to watch Rovers play Scunthorpe United in a crucial fixture.
The band’s presence on the Jools Holland-presented show was so desired that producers even offered to fork out for private helicopter to take them to their performance shortly after the final whistle. However, it was impossible to get the band to turn their backs on their beloved team or figure out the logistics of how both could be done in one evening.
While they missed out on the opportunity to get a greater level of exposure by performing on a popular television show and appearing alongside the likes of Elvis Costello and A Certain Ratio, Rovers did at least come out victorious and avoided relegation from the fourth tier of English football. It’s an insane rejection story that’s unlikely to ever happen again in music, but one that shows just how staunch Half Man Half Biscuit were in their beliefs and how no amount of fame could ever draw them away from watching a scrappy 2-1 win.
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