Glastonbury Festival 2023: Who are The Churnups?
As the 2023 edition of Glastonbury Festival beckons from the horizon and the droves of attendees make their way to Somerset’s Worthy Farm, a sense of excitement abounds, with the bonanza offering its customary feast for the senses. With the Pilton site the size of a city, the possibilities are nearly endless, and whilst these encompass many formats, this year, the lineup has provided a source of great intrigue that has kept fans guessing.
The eagle-eyed of us who inspected the lineup whilst missing the actual announcement will have noticed that on Friday’s schedule for the Pyramid Stage, a mystery act called The Churnups is scheduled to play between 18:15 and 19:20. This is a significant slot, as it’s before Royal Blood, who play before headliners Arctic Monkeys eventually take to the stage.
Whilst Arctic Monkeys and fellow headliners Guns N’ Roses and Elton John have been the primary source of discussion for attendees and those planning to watch at home, the story of The Churnups has been an interesting side plot. Adding a hefty dose of interest to the tale is that there has been a trail of breadcrumbs left for fans to follow, apparently leading to the real identity of this group. Accordingly, today we’re attempting to piece the puzzle together.
Who are The Churnups?
Presently, a handful of evidence points to Foo Fighters being the real identity of The Churnups. This idea formed on June 6th, when the Dave Grohl-led group posted a note as a thank you to their fans on social media. “Hey. It’s been a while. Now that we’ve returned from our first run of shows, I felt compelled to reach out and thank you all for being there for us,” Grohl wrote.
Using the term “churning up”, the statement continued: “Every night, when I see you singing, it makes me sing harder. When I see you screaming, it makes me scream louder. When I see your tears, it brings me to tears. And when I see your joy, it brings me joy. But, I see you… and it feels good to see you, churning up these emotions together”.
Building on this hunch, on June 15th, the festival’s traditional rumour mill, Secret Glasto, tweeted: “We’ve got another confession to make, you’d certainly be FOOlish to miss The ChurnUps”. Interestingly, after one user asked if the mystery act’s real identity was Foo Fighters, the US band responded with the classic Jim Carrey Liar Liar meme, showing the actor spitting out water, saying: “Oh, come on”.
We’re not done there. That same day, on her BBC 6 Music radio show, Lauren Laverne prompted intense speculation regarding the identity of The Churnups. “Right now, a band who… will they be there, who knows? I wonder,” Laverne said. “But Here We Are is certainly the name of their new album. Foo Fighters on 6 Music, this is out on RCA… Getting all churned up, as they might post on their social media feed…”
Elsewhere, yesterday, Glastonbury denied that teaser posters appearing on the festival’s official webcam feed were part of a broader plan to reveal the identity of The Churnups. A poster saying, “Hey web cam!” was then replaced with one stating, “Nothing to see here!”
Whilst most people weighing in on the matter have extrapolated from the evidence that The Churnups are the Foo Fighters, some have pointed to the possibility that it could be the Jarvis Cocker-led group Pulp, who are currently on a reunion tour, which has a day off on Friday, June 23rd. It has also been noted that when something is churned up, it becomes pulp.
However, the band’s drummer, Nick Banks, denied the speculation on Twitter. On May 30th, he wrote: “Though it’s very tempting to tease you lot again. I know nothing of the ‘ChurnUps’ band. Ok?”
Keeping it in the Britpop family, some on the fringes of the conversation have posited that it might be Blur scheduled to perform, but that seems unlikely, given there is no evidence to support the hypothesis bar a new single, and a new album, The Ballad of Darren, arriving on July 21st. Even so, where’s the connection to The Churnups?
Come to the end of Friday, I might well be eating my words. Yet from here, all signs point to The Churnups being Foo Fighters. Adding credence to this claim is that they have a form for taking on other guises. In their time, they’ve also played under the monikers The Holy Shits and Dee Gees, with Dave Grohl also recording the soundtrack for 2022’s Studio 666 as Dream Widow.
