The five worst bands ever, according to Noel Gallagher
Here’s a tip: If you’re ever bored, Google Noel Gallagher and another popular artist. Chances are, whoever the other artist is, Gallagher has said something hilariously scathing about them. He might be one of the most opinionated musicians on the planet and is constantly making headlines because of what he has to say about somebody else. Is it bitterness? Is it unwavering honesty? Is it a PR stunt? Whatever it is, it makes for good reading.
I don’t need to sell you on the impact of Oasis. Regardless of whether you like the band or not, the news about their reunion could be felt across the world, and the record time with which the tickets for their shows sold out (despite the high price tag) is evidence enough of the band’s power. They are recognised as one of the bands to come out of the UK, and rightly so.
Noel Gallagher won’t shy away from whatever Oasis praise you have to throw at him. He is always willing to accept the fact that he is a good songwriter and one of the driving forces behind such a massive band. He also won’t shy away from giving his opinion on other bands who have managed to achieve a similar level of fame, but who he doesn’t think deserve it.
Some of his critiques are personal, some of them are specifically about the music, and all of them make for a good read. Out of all the bands that Gallagher has critiqued in his time, these are the five that he despises most of all.
The bands Noel Gallagher hates more than anything
Maroon 5
Maroon 5 might not be the coolest band on the planet, but it’s tough to say you out and out don’t like them. We all nod our heads a little when ‘This Love’ or ‘She Will Be Loved’ starts playing, don’t even try to deny it! The band have admitted previously that they’re fans of Oasis and consider them influences, which didn’t rub Noel Gallagher the right way when he found out.
Apparently not even willing to file the band in the guilty pleasure category, Gallagher had some choice words for them when they said Oasis were an influence. “He said ‘I’m the bass player in Maroon 5’,” said Noel, recounting the time he met some of the band at a party, “I went ‘Fucking shit! How the fuck have you gotten Maroon 5 from what I’m doing? Get the hell out of my sight’.”
Radiohead
When you explore Radiohead’s discography, you uncover their musical versatility and talent. It truly is a sight to behold when you consider just how much their styles fluctuate from album to album. However, Noel Gallagher isn’t impressed. It wasn’t just their music that he didn’t like, but their attitude towards touring and living the rockstar life in general.
“They’re stuck in the back of limousines telling you how bored they are being in a group,” said Gallagher when discussing the documentary Meeting People is Easy, “If you don’t enjoy it, retire. Do us all a favour. Or move to a mansion in Oxford so we don’t have to listen to you bleeding on about how shit your life is.”
The Kaiser Chiefs
It doesn’t matter whether you like Oasis’s music or not, you have to admit that what they did was unique and innovative. Their sound was unlike anything that had come before, and it continues to inspire bands to this day (maybe too much, as there are a lot of copycats out there). The Kaiser Chiefs were one of those copycats that Noel Gallagher never liked. While in the early 2000s he had love for the likes of Kasabian, he felt as though Kaiser Chiefs were chasing a trend as opposed to trying to move it forward.
“The worst thing about them is that they’re not very good. They play dress-up and sit on top of an apex of meaninglessness,” said Gallagher, “They don’t mean anything to anybody apart from their fucking ugly girlfriends.”
Blur
I’ll give you a minute to adjust your eyes. You’re not seeing things; it turns out that Oasis and Blur didn’t get along. Who knew?! The two bands went head to head during the rise of Britpop as the country debated which of the two were best. There were constant jabs during interviews and award ceremonies, and the band’s feud is one of the most well-documented beefs in rock.
There are a great many examples of Oasis criticising Blur, so here’s a quote that epitomises the venom between them and that also uses the word “knobber.” “Damon Albarn is a fucking knobber,” said Gallagher (told you), “And his guitarist – who I thought was all right – seems to think he’s some intelligent superhuman being, the fucking idiot. I never met the drummer, and the bassist, who I first didn’t like and thought he was a cunt, turned out to be quite all right.”
The Beach Boys
This is probably the most surprising name to see on this list, firstly because The Beach Boys were great and secondly, given how much of a self-confessed Beatles obsessive Gallagher is, you would think he had some adoration for their rivals from the ‘60s as well, but apparently not. Despite the fact the Beach Boys inspired the Beatles a great deal, Gallagher didn’t have a lot of time for them.
“I think they’re the most overrated group of all time,” he said, “The only reason they’re in any way successful is because they’re next to The Beatles in alphabetical order, and Paul McCartney likes them. That’s it. Just barbershop quartet music.”
