10 classic rock songs that failed to stand the test of time

‘We Didn’t Start the Fire’ – Billy Joel

Billy Joel always had a frankly insane track record when it came to writing hits. Although not everything he wrote was meant to be at the top of the hit parade, the fact that every one of his songs is liable to be someone’s favourite really speaks to the kind of writer he was. He wanted to be someone known for his body of work rather than a one-off single, but looking at ‘We Didn’t Start the Fire’, even Joel himself would have gladly wiped his hands of the tune if he had the chance.

Whereas Joel complained more about the melody when he talked about his issues with the tune, the reason it hasn’t stood the test of time has more to do with the lyrics he’s talking about. The whole thing was supposed to be about trying to condense the past 40 years of culture into a laundry list of ideas, but while that can be an incredible idea for a song, it was all but irrelevant the minute that real things started to happen in the next few years.

Although Fall Out Boy tried their hardest to do a more current version of the song in recent years, that hasn’t stopped it from being one of the most incessant earworms of Joel’s entire career. There was certainly a way for him to talk about current events, but given the version of America that most people are living in now, listening to him talk about the Kennedy assassination like it’s the worst thing that could have happened almost feels like a footnote today.

‘Daughters’ – John Mayer

While there are many definitions for what constitutes a classic, I’m stepping right up to the line for a lot of people. It’s time that most of us admit that the millennial pop that an entire generation got hooked on is starting to get up there in age, and while it can be fun to point and laugh at the dated fashions, it’s not only about the emo fringe haircuts and jamming to bands like Green Day. There was a lot of ugliness, and plenty of it got focused squarely on John Mayer when he first stepped into the limelight.

There had already been enough random guys with acoustic guitars trying to write syrupy ballads, but something about ‘Daughters’ feels much more sleazy. It’s one thing for Mayer to write a coming-of-age song about girls growing up to be women, but when the most thoughtful part of the song involves him saying that women will simply grow up to be mothers, it gets a little bit awkward.

He might not have meant that line to sound like that, but with his smarmy tone of voice, it comes off as someone who only abides by traditional family values every time he comes home from work. Mayer would eventually blossom into a much deeper songwriter, but had this song been written 90 years before, this same guy would probably be singing about how he’s pissed off that women wear pants now.

‘Like A Rock’ – Bob Seger

There’s a good chance half of heartland rock bands find themselves in rock and roll purgatory after a while. Even though there’s a place for those songs on dad rock playlists that continue to spin throughout the years, it’s not like anyone is turning to someone like Bob Seger to channel that same youthful rebellion they did in their 20s. It’s only to relive that time when “real music” was popular, but even by Seger’s standards, ‘Like A Rock’ is one of the flimsiest songs he ever wrote.

Then again, it’s not like he was trying to outdo Queen or anything. The whole point behind the track shifted on a dime once it was used in those Chevy truck commercials from back in the day, but whereas some of them could pick a great song out of obscurity, this only affirms the kind of values that every testosterone-driven 40-year-old was feeling at the time, complete with the four-wheel drive machine they were looking for.

So, despite it barely counting as a proper song since it was used for an ad, it’s safe to say there’s a certain danger in listening to this track for too long. Whereas Bruce Springsteen has the same fire in his belly that he did when he first released Born to Run, hearing Seger croak out this song every time it comes on is enough to have grey hairs and a scraggly beard appear on someone’s face with only one listen.

‘Woman is the ****** of the World’ – John Lennon

It should be safe to say that The Beatles are exempt from this kind of list. All of rock music followed in their footsteps in many respects, and as much as they have a few songs that didn’t hit the mark like they should have, there are enough that even them out to be one of the few bands with a completely perfect career. But when they didn’t have everyone else to keep them in check, it was easy for John Lennon to get a little bit too comfortable with his politics.

That said, even Lennon’s protest songs stand the test of time well. ‘Give Peace A Chance’ and ‘Power to the People’ are some of the greatest tunes of the counterculture movement, but once Lennon hit Sometime in New York City, he kicked things off with one of the most uncomfortable songs of his career. It’s nice to see someone advocating for women’s rights so emphatically, but the fact that he felt the need to use that word was more than a little bit concerning even at the time.

It was clear Lennon meant nothing by it, but he was always going to be in for an uphill battle when most people couldn’t even say the name of his major hit without squirming in their seats a little bit. Other tracks off the album may have been stuck in a time loop like ‘John Sinclair’, but when you have to choose between which song has aged the worst, it normally goes to the tune that most people refuse to even name.

‘Pink’ – Aerosmith

Aerosmith were never meant to be the most thoughtful band in the world. Their music was all about having fun, and if it happened to have something bigger to say about society at large, that was almost by accident half the time. But as everyone would find out, a rock band channelling their sensitive side works most of the time, and yet Aerosmith’s love of all things carnal only managed to feel more gross over time.

Although Steven Tyler has written some incredible ballads like ‘Janie’s Got A Gun’ and ‘Angel’, hearing him sing a song called ‘Pink’ is already getting off on the wrong foot. For all of you that aren’t under the age of 12 reading this, yes, this song is about exactly what you think it’s about, and while there’s nothing wrong with a good song about sex, naming it ‘Pink’ makes it feel more dirty somehow, like he’s giving us the children’s song version of what sex is supposed to be about.

While the double entendres aren’t even subtle, the biggest issue comes from the fact that it also feels timestamped in that magic zone when the band were trying to shoot for a hit in the late 1990s. So we have a song with a glossy 1990s backing track sung by one of the giants of the 1970s, and it’s all about getting some action while Tyler talks like a child. It might be fine for what it is, but given where Aerosmith were, this was like getting hit on by someone’s old drunk uncle.

‘In The Flesh’ – Pink Floyd

The entire process Pink Floyd had in front of them to make The Wall was never going to be easy. Roger Waters had the vision for one of the most extravagant shows anyone had ever seen, and while it was hard work, it should have been a lot of fun so long as the band members put their heart and soul into it. But this was practically a Waters solo album behind the scenes, and chances are some of his bandmates wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere near the kind of character Waters took on in ‘In the Flesh’.

The first version of the tune at the start of the album is a brilliant pastiche of what stadium rock is supposed to sound like, but if that was what a standard performance from Pink’s band is like on a good day, this is what happens when he starts losing his mind. Drunk with power in the context of the story, Waters takes on the role of Pink by leading the crowd like a fascist dictator. From using racial slurs to calling people out in the crowd for being Jewish, this whole thing feels incredibly disgusting to listen to, let alone have to witness onstage.

While it works much better when there’s a crowd to engage with to make the performance art come alive, there’s no discernible way to listen to this song in public and not feel all kinds of gross. Then again, maybe that’s because it also hits far too close to home. Many people can think that they’re a God when they have that much power, but given how many similarities Waters’s vision has to Nazi rallies during the live show, it was bound to fly over a few people’s heads.

‘Illegal Alien’ – Genesis

For as intense as Genesis sounded on record, they were never a band meant to do anything cerebral. Peter Gabriel had more grand visions for what the band was supposed to be than Phil Collins ever did, but when the drummer took over, it was clear that they were making a sharper pivot towards pop music. Given Collins’s solo career, he reacted like a fish in water, but whereas ‘Land of Confusion’ worked well as a social comment, ‘Illegal Alien’ is one of the most unintentionally insensitive things that Collins was ever associated with.

It would be one thing to frame the song from the perspective of someone running from the law, but the fact that Collins adopts a strange voice when playing this song is either cultural appropriation at best or the most innocent racism ever conceived at worst. The whole thing is supposed to be lighthearted, but they went the extra mile when making the music video for the song.

Because long before people like Drake were caught wearing blackface back in the day, seeing every member of the band don sombreros and fake moustaches as they prowl around in the video only makes the tune more uncomfortable to watch. Sure, the puppets from ‘Land of Confusion’ may have been horrifying to look at as a kid, but a song has to be doing something very wrong to make them seem tolerable by comparison.

‘Ebony and Ivory’ – Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder

Paul McCartney never really had to worry about falling off the charts too much during his career. While he’s content to be the resident grandpa who started the modern concept of pop music, it’s not like some of his greatest songs are going to get on the radio as fast as the latest Olivia Rodrigo or Sabrina Carpenter song. Then again, there’s a good chance that most people had their fill after listening to songs like ‘Ebony and Ivory’ one too many times.

Although Macca has etched himself in history thanks to his countless Beatles hits and his Christmas song that will never truly go away, ‘Ebony and Ivory’ is one of the most questionable songs he has ever made, and it has nothing to do with the message. The idea of coming together in racial equality is a perfect idea to write a song around, but when paired with Stevie Wonder, their strengths almost cancel each other out half the time and become annoying when they sync up.

They might work incredibly well on songs like ‘What’s That You’re Doing’ from the same album, but if McCartney was always great at writing pop tunes, this is when the sugariness of his melodies becomes way too concentrated. Most people can enjoy it for what it is and have a good time, but if it goes on for too long, it should come with a warning label so as not to put anyone into a diabetic coma.

‘Brown Sugar’ – The Rolling Stones

Nothing the Rolling Stones ever made was supposed to be approved of by the tastemakers of the world. They were the bad boys of rock and roll, and half the time they were making songs designed to provoke people a little bit. Parents not liking their songs was pretty much the point, but there are more than a few times when even The Stones had to realise they were crossing a line a little bit.

Although they had been called misogynistic more than a few times throughout their career, ‘Brown Sugar’ was one of the first songs that had a lot more layers to that argument. The song was already about having the sleaziest sex possible, but since the lyrics are all centred around them having their way with black women on a slave ship, Mick Jagger managed to be both racist and sexist all in the matter of a few lines.

But the most regrettable part about the whole song is the fact that the riff is among the best that Keith Richards ever wrote. The backing track feels like the perfect backdrop for a drunken bar fight, but when someone has an idea with that much potential, it’s all the more disappointing when the worst lyrics ever conceived are placed directly on top of it. There’s the makings of a good song here, but with those lyrics, this is the musical equivalent of trying to eat a salad seasoned with battery acid.

‘Brown Shoes Don’t Make It’ – Frank Zappa

It’s hard to really include Frank Zappa on a list like this. His music seemed to defy all conventions when it came to rock and roll, so if he said something offensive or made a tune that was meant to provoke someone, he would have most likely taken their disgust as a compliment. But even by his standards of dark humour and risque jokes, ‘Brown Shoes Don’t Make It’ is among the most heinous lyric sheets anyone would ever come across.

Musically, though, the song is one of the most adventurous things Zappa made during his early years. The whole thing has an episodic structure not all that dissimilar to what Queen did on ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’, but if Freddie Mercury was singing nonsense half the time, Zappa was going to get everyone roped in by talking about a sexual predator who’s running the Oval Office. While it’s clearly a pastiche, hearing Zappa take on the role of the president sleeping with a 14-year-old girl is never going to be easy to listen to, especially when he talks about doing truly nasty things on the White House lawn.

But at the same time, there’s almost an uncanny valley nature to how this song is put together. It’s absolutely disgusting, grossly offensive to anyone that has a moral bone in their body, and it’s more than a little bit of a challenging listen, but given who we’re talking about here, I almost want to give it kudos at the same time.