The worst James Bond theme ever, according to Elton John: “It hasn’t got a tune”
Since its inception in 1962, the James Bond film franchise has featured some of cinema’s most iconic music. Each instalment contains a theme song that is an encapsulation not only of the film but of the cultural zeitgeist. Over the years, performers like Duran Duran, Paul McCartney and Wings, and Billie Eilish have dated each movie by default, without needing to allude to the year in which each film was released.
With more than two dozen movies, it’s no surprise that some of the theme songs have been better than others. In 1962, John Barry and Orchestra performed the now classic ‘James Bond Theme’. Composed by Monty Norman and arranged by Barry, it features a brassy swagger and an opening guitar riff that instantly characterises the suave action hero about to appear on screen.
Later films featured iconic vocal performances from some of the greatest musical acts of the era. However, no matter how much you love Adele or Louis Armstrong, no one will ever top Shirley Bassey, whose booming voice has echoed through cinematic history ever since she lent her unparalleled skills to the franchise in 1964. Whether you prefer the showstopping drama of ‘Goldfinger’, the mystery and sexiness of ‘Diamond Are Forever’, or, however unlikely, the ethereal romance of ‘Moonraker’, she was bested by no one.
In all those years, there have, of course, been some thudding disappointments. Sam Smith defied all odds by winning an Oscar for his mind-numbingly aimless and self-indulgent ‘Writing’s on the Wall’ from Spectre, and Jack White and Alicia Keys did themselves no favours by trying to reinvent a perfect formula with Quantum of Solace’s ‘Another Way To Die’.
One person who has a very strong opinion about all of this is Sir Elton John, who, through some glaring oversight by the Bond producers, and possibly the cosmos itself, has not yet created one of the 007 themes. In 2002, the EGOT winner said that Madonna’s ‘Die Another Day’ from that year’s film of the same name was “the worst Bond tune ever,” and he did not mince his words when explaining why.
“It hasn’t got a tune,” he said flatly. “James Bond themes are usually very camp, and this one’s different… They should have gone for somebody like Lulu and Shirley Bassey, or maybe I’m in that league?”
You could easily dismiss his putdown as sour grapes. John’s distaste for Madonna goes back decades, and based on the end of his comment, he clearly (and justifiably) felt short-changed for never having been asked to do one of the themes himself. However, he was objectively correct. With ‘Die Another Day’, Madonna opted to stay true to herself, which would have been just fine if she was releasing a single but made no sense in a Bond film. Her theme is Madonna-forward, featuring a mixture of electropop and techno with a smattering of strings to demonstrate just how poorly her musical style blended with the usual Bond fare.
As a Madonna song, ‘Die Another Day’ is serviceable, but when she utters the line “I’m gonna kill my ego”, it is clear that nothing could be further from the truth.
