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(Credit: 九间)


Why does Wes Anderson hate pets?


If you thought that Wes Anderson was the benevolent king of whimsical cinema, then you ought to think again! He’s a degenerate animal mutilator of the highest order, and Lord knows which cuddly fur-clad beast he has his eyes set on next for a starring role in one of his films. 

Throughout his glittering career, the dreamlike director, Wes Anderson, has always stood out as a very singular auteur. However, aside from his sui generis aesthetic stylings is a rather more peculiar individualistic trope. It’s, quite frankly, alarming and disturbing in equal measure – the man is a serial pet killer. 

Anderson is one of the few living directors who is so focussed on a coherent style that his name could be met with a suffix (I.e. Lynchian) and every cinephile worth their salt would know what you were talking about. With a long line of furry casualties to his name, you can now cover pet deaths under the adjective of Andersonian.

To name but a few examples from the supercut below — in Moonrise Kingdom, a Yorkshire Terrier is impaled by an arrow expertly fired into the jugular of its neck, another dog is maimed in The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou after everybody’s favourite nice guy Jeff Goldblum heartlessly bashes a pooch with a newspaper with the evil intent of a ferocious delinquent, and the poor dog only has three-legs to begin with (no doubt Anderson lobbed one off prior to production). Yet another dog is obliterated in The Royal Tenenbaums, as Anderson makes his way through pups like some crazed ‘Jeffrey Dogmer’.

This oddity is not confined to canines alone. A cat is tossed out of a window in The Grand Budapest Hotel, and whilst felines do have an incredible death-defying ability to survive falls from a height (as their terminal velocity isn’t fatal) it is horrifically cruel to simply test this science out. Furthermore, a rat is electrocuted in Fantastic Mr Fox, and in his forthcoming picture, French Dispatch, Owen Wilson will, no doubt, whimsically drops a cluster bomb on a Pets At Home store from a B52.

What is the purpose of this furry bloodbath? It is hard to tell. The horror is often played off with a nonchalance that barely brings attention to the brutality. In doing so, Anderson manages to prise a chuckle from the grim depths of despair. In this regard, he celebrates fiction’s ability to clutch humour from darkness and meaning from mayhem. What’s more, it simply wouldn’t be a Wes Anderson picture without the bizarre question mark floating over the point of it all. 

You can check out the bloodbath in our supercut below, just makes sure none of your furry friends are around as the clip is about as R18 as it gets for any domesticated beast. Disclaimer: No pets were harmed in the making of this supercut, or the writing of this accompanying article.