When Val Kilmer tickled Lou Reed and lived to regret it: “He spoke to me few times after that”
Sometime in 2006, Val Kilmer was wiling away the hours on his New Mexico ranch with a project he was sure would catch people’s attention. However, this was no movie script or master plan to tread the boards on stage. Instead, the Heat star was writing his debut album, and he had even enlisted the help of his pal, Grammy nominee Mick Rossi.
Somehow, though, this actorly vanity project soon turned into him entertaining the legendary Velvet Underground singer Lou Reed at his home, whereupon he made the dicey call to tickle the notoriously ill-tempered frontman – and lived to regret that boneheaded decision.
It’s not known why Kilmer turned his attention to music in that mid-2000s period, but perhaps it was just something the Opera-trained Juilliard graduate had always wanted to try his hand at. Whatever the case, he wrote seven songs with Rossi that he sold on a MySpace page, and later tried to waft under the noses of record labels. Unfortunately for Kilmer, there were no bites from the majors, and the album remained a curio that was only reviewed by a handful of outlets – but it wasn’t without its admirers.
Across a track list that ran “the gamut from foot-stompin’ rock to moody, guttural ballads” and even included a Christmas song, Kilmer was accused of boasting “a decent singing voice” with songs that were “often hummable.” His songwriting and lyrics may have been a bit cringe, but hey, when has that ever stopped a Hollywood movie star?
During one of the songwriting sessions for what would become the creatively-title Sessions with Mick, Kilmer revealed he was simply, “thinking about what’s cool” – and that’s when it hit him. “I called my writing partner, and I said…how about Lou Reed?” revealed the Kiss Kiss Bang Bang star. The result of this was the tune ‘Cool as Lou Reed,’ which must have nabbed Reed’s attention, because the next thing Kilmer knew, he was hosting the ‘Perfect Day’ singer and his partner Laurie Anderson at the ranch. A giddy Kilmer ended up throwing a shindig for Reed – and this was when he made his ill-advised invasion of personal space.
“Once I tickled Lou Reed at a dinner I threw for him,” Kilmer confessed on Facebook. “He was particularly grumpy, which is to say a particularly normal day for Lou, but my guests were being abused for no reason so I tickled him under his arm.”
How exactly did the gravelly-voiced frontman react to this unexpected overture from the excited star who once played Batman? Well, according to Kilmer, “He leaned into me and whispered in his toughest Brooklyn accent, ‘I know martial arts.'” Instead of being intimidated by this, though, Kilmer laughed it off, because he’d “seen his swordplay on my front lawn at my ranch in New Mexico more than once” and suspected he “wasn’t in immediate peril.” I don’t know about you, but as a mental image, it doesn’t get much funnier than an ultra-serious Reed throwing a sword around in Kilmer’s garden.
Ultimately, though, there you have it – this is what happens when an A-list movie star gives an icon of the music business an unsolicited armpit tickle. As Kilmer noted, “It was almost sweet how sensitive he was. But so tortured. What a talent! We were all there to just acknowledge his coolness.”
Unfortunately for Kilmer, though, what he perceived as playful banter between pals may have been the undoing of a prospective friendship with Reed. “I once tickled Lou Reed,” Kilmer gravely confessed in 2013. “I regretted it for the longest while as he spoke to me few times after that dinner. But I’m glad now. He needed it.”
