When Steely Dan trolled Laura Ingraham: “It’s just business. Okay?”
If it wasn’t already clear, you do not mess with Steely Dan. The band’s leaders, Donald Fagen and the late Walter Becker, are two of the sharpest figures popular music has ever seen, supporting their intellect with a penchant for sardonic comedy and an intense dose of misanthropy. This has seen those they disdain, whether hippies, the Eagles, or otherwise, undone by force so subtle that it’s possible not to perceive the true meaning; such is their brilliance.
One person Fagen and Becker pied in one of their finest moments was conservative American television presenter Laura Ingraham. This was in the late 1990s when she was presenting Watch It! for MSNBC, in the years before she became one of the most well-known – and controversial – faces on Fox News. There, Ingraham found herself on the wrong side of Steely Dan when they were in the middle of their mid-career hiatus, and the Clinton–Lewinsky scandal was the biggest news of the day.
During this period, the Steely Dan leaders had a penchant for writing mocking or angry letters to various famous figures, including director Wes Anderson and actor Owen Wilson. In this instance, on February 12th, 1999, they sent Ingraham a somewhat joking cease-and-desist letter, instructing her never to play a Steely Dan recording on her show again after Watch It! used ‘Dirty Work’. They then offered alternative musical suggestions. These included a piece by the favourite composer of the Nazis, Richard Wagner, and more niche suggestions. They even mentioned New York alt-metal heroes, Helmet.
The pair wrote, “Dear Ms. Ingraham: It has come to our attention that you have used the Steely Dan recording of our song ‘Dirty Work’ as cutaway music at the end of your show last Monday. We understand that Watch It! is a political talk show. We have been sternly advised by a valued visitor to our official website that we should steer clear of politics, so as not to embarrass ourselves and our fans. While we recognize that you are clearly not bound by any such injunction, we nevertheless owe it to our admirers to stay out of trouble when we can. So we must regrettably insist that our recordings not be used on future broadcasts of your show.”
Continuing: “It seems likely that, as the impeachment saga draws to a close, your show will be cancelled or else will morph into one sort of non-political daytime talk show or another (although certainly not a fashion show). If, for some unfathomable reason, Watch It! continues in its present form, may we suggest some other more suitable music for use during breaks: ‘Horst Wessel’ – Traditional Teutonic anthem, ‘Ride of the Valkyrie’ – Richard Wagner, ‘Theo, Wir Fahr’n Nach Lodz’ – 70s German chartmaker, ‘The Lady is a Cryptofascist’ – by The Welders of Zion, Anything by Lou Reed, Helmet, or The Velvet Underground.”
Fagen and Becker then hilariously insulted Ingraham’s appearance, supposing she looked “sad and maybe a little blotchy too” on the most recent instalment of the morning show, before asking her not to take the letter personally, as it was just business.
They concluded: “After learning that you were using our music without permission, we looked in briefly on your show this morning. Being the political naifs that we are, we could hardly be expected to follow the learned colloquy between you and your guests. Are they all Ivy Leaguers? Anyway, we did notice that you looked so sad and maybe a little blotchy too. You’re not allergic to plaid, are you? We are very sorry to be cracking down like this at what is clearly a difficult and trying time for you and your pals. Please don’t take it personally. It’s just business. Okay? Yours, Donald Fagen and Walter Becker, Founders, Steely Dan.”
