The tour that made Trent Reznor lose his soul: “I just felt like nothing”
The 1990s was a big time for alternative rock, partly thanks to Nirvana’s ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ becoming one of the decade’s biggest hits. With their album Nevermind, the band became a leading force within the genre, and subsequently, many other alt-rockers began attracting significant attention, like Nine Inch Nails.
Alongside the likes of Radiohead, Pearl Jam, Smashing Pumpkins, Alice in Chains, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Hole, Nine Inch Nails rose to significant prominence during the 1990s. It felt like alt-rock was becoming more mainstream than ever before, dominating radio stations and scoring high-charting positions.
It was Nine Inch Nails’ second album, The Downward Spiral, which shot them to widespread fame. The record featured massive hits like the erotically-charged ‘Closer’, which saw lead vocalist Trent Reznor scream words like “I want to fuck you like an animal” and ‘March of the Pigs’.
However, the fame that the record brought the band – paired with the opportunity for endless partying, drinking, and drug-taking on tour – led Reznor towards his own downward spiral. When it came to making the group’s next album, The Fragile, Reznor was a mess.
“The Fragile was an album based a lot in fear, because I was afraid as fuck about what was happening to me,” Reznor told Spin. “That’s why there aren’t a lot of lyrics on that record. I couldn’t fucking think. An unimaginable amount of effort went into that record in a very unfocused way.”
He added: “Looking out and seeing empty seats in the back of the arena that you shouldn’t have played anyway, but arrogance got you there. Combine that with personal ruin? It’s hard to look cool vomiting in a toilet, know what I mean?”
When Nine Inch Nails toured The Fragile, Reznor didn’t know how to look after himself properly, simply too overwhelmed to know how to handle his new life as a rock star. “That whole tour I was in a constant state of withdrawal and sickness. The success of that record was the first week. Then the label had had enough, and the public seemed to have had enough, and I’d had enough.”
Reznor admits that his life took a dark turn during this period, and he ended up “down a very dark and terrible path.” Once he was out of it, two years on, “it was very clear to me that I was trying to kill myself.” As a result, Reznor was in poor form, with some people worried he would become another rock and roll tragedy story. “That was the path I chose. I was going to just drink myself or drug myself out of it. I got back to New Orleans after the Fragile tour, and I’d pretty much lost my soul,” he admitted.
Reznor continued, “I just felt like nothing: ‘Being famous doesn’t matter. I don’t like myself. I think I’m a piece of shit.’ It was unquestionably the worst thing ever. Just lying all the time about everything. I was in terrible physical shape, too.” A
heroin overdose on the same day as a gig the band were meant to play seemed to be a wake-up call for Reznor. He went to rehab and used his experiences with addiction to fuel new musical ideas.
