The Zutons – ‘The Big Decider’ album review: Royalty-free rock music
THE SKINNY: In the horror movie Antrum, the producers have different speakers set to different sonic frequencies throughout the film. It means the audio is still perfectly perceptible, but the way the brain takes it in throws the viewer slightly off balance, making them somewhat uncomfortable despite the fact there is nothing blatantly unsettling about what they’re hearing. It’s an excellent technique used to create a feeling of unjustified anxiety. The Zutons‘ new indie pop album, The Big Decider, has a similar effect.
The guitars are in tune, there is an upbeat melody throughout, and the songs are upbeat and quite fun, and yet this is a terrible album. It feels less like a finished product, and more like the band has gone into the studio with the brief, “Let’s make something people can dance to,” laid out a blueprint and then ran out of ideas, so just released the first draft.
Every song on The Big Decider sounds half-finished, and the way that melody is presented throughout sounds incredibly intentional, but not in the sense that the band is clearly trying to write a song, in the sense that they have started with, “What’s catchy and will stick in someone’s head?” and worked backwards from there. It’s not fun to listen to. It sounds incomplete and yet too forced at the same time. The horn sections are boring, the choruses are forgettable, and the overall musical performance is uninspired.
The best way to describe this album is “Royalty-free rock music.” It sounds like the kind of record TV producers or marketing companies would turn to if they needed a quick track for the introduction to a product they want to be perceived as “cool.” The music has a clear intention but is so unnoteworthy that it isn’t at risk of taking away from a main feature. It’s commendable that The Zutons have made an album to get people moving and having fun, but this LP falls victim to being bland rather than remotely enjoyable.
For fans of: Adverts where the lead actor is wearing sunglasses (preferably aviators).
A concluding comment from Darren, the marketing executive for a muscle car company: “Guys, I’ve found our backing track.”
The Zutons – The Big Decider track by track
Release date: April 26th | Producer: Ian Broudie | Label: Deltasonic
‘Creeping’: A song that grasps desperately at melody like a dying breath. It’s trying so hard to be catchy that it forgets to be good in the process, as this completely one-dimensional and boring song sets the standard for what is an incredibly lacklustre album. [1/5]
‘Pauline’: This sounds like a funk song by someone who has never listened to funk in their lives but has had it described to them in great detail. The horns sound as though they have been sampled from a beginner’s guide to the trumpet, and there is so little effort put into the vocal melody and hook that they’re forgotten even while the track is still playing. [1/5]
‘Water’: The introduction to this number is the first good thing on this album. The vocals harmonise well, and the instrumentation is quite haunting; however, it all falls down once the chorus kicks in. Again, it sounds like the band has cast a net into a pop music-filled pool and thrown whatever they catch onto the tape. [2.5/5]
‘In Your Arms’: The band’s first attempt at sincerity, which plays like the template to a love song. It’s a slower number on the album, but rather than coming across as a breakwater or an attempt at creating something moving, it sounds boring and is worth skipping. Sincerely. [1.5/5]
‘Disappear’: This is the best example of “Royalty-free rock music.” It sounds like the kind of thing that would be played in the background of a building montage when 60-minute Makeover is creating a home recording studio for someone who saw Bruce Springsteen once when they were 23. It’s transparent and dull. The only saving grace is the extended outro, which gets your head bobbing and has a fun narrative attached, but it’s too little too late by that point. [2.5/5]
‘Company’: The only properly good addition to the album. It still falls victim to bad lyrics like, “When I look in your eyes, they’re so blue,” but at least there is a properly engaging melody throughout, and the horn section is used to add a genuine atmosphere as opposed to just making the track sound more funky. Out of everything on this record, ‘Company’ is the only song worth taking away. [3.5/5]
‘The Big Decider’: The title track starts with an atmospheric synth/string sound. It sounds very naturist and quite pleasant but is quickly disrupted by a boring guitar riff and bog-standard vocal melody. The song does nothing to separate itself from everything else on the album, and why the record is named after it remains a mystery. [1.5/5]
‘Rise’: ‘Rise’ is such a nothing song that it’s genuinely difficult to conjure up words about it. Time certainly passes, and there is undoubtedly sound present, but there isn’t much else to add. [1/5]
‘Best Of Me’: This track genuinely has the lyric, “You make me feel like an unborn child / Take away my needs and problems and make me smile”. They wrote that, and it got signed off. The closing song is a full-bodied load of nothing; the only thing that can be said about the time it occupies is that it elapses. [1.5/5]
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