The Worst Song in the World: The Pale White indict diabolical 2000s autotune
If Nostradamus could see the future, then why didn’t he make any mention of the imminent indie rock resurgence heading our way in the year of our lord 2025? He somehow hinted at lockdown but missed its most buoyant cultural byproduct. The Pale White, one of the northeast’s frontrunners in this department, poses the old French mystic a few more personal problems on their new single ‘Nostradamus’.
With heavy riffs and more opulent hooks that Alnwich Fishing Tackle Museum, The Pale White’s latest chapter, almost nine years on from the three-piece’s formation, are now going at their new album, The Big Sad, with all guns blazing. It finds them more confident and assured than they have ever been, with a muscular sound to match the leather-clad swagger.
Like Neil Warnock entering the changing room 2-1 down at halftime, the new record evokes aggression and brava but also has an equal dose of hope and enthusiasm. It may well be titled The Big Sad, with the stunning artwork sporting an oversized ship docked in a local bay with the phrase stamped to its bow, but that heaviness is not anchored down, swaying to lighter moments of cruising choruses and escaping solos.
And yet, it still finds moments to bemoan a few things. With that in mind, we caught up with the band’s bassist, Dave Barrow, to discuss a song that really is the embodiment of being big and sad—or maybe small and sad is more fitting? Anyhow, let’s leave that kind of musing behind and revel in ‘Fireflies’ – one of only 117 songs in history to go Diamond at the time of writing, no less – getting the brutal skewering it deserves from a grovelling, groovy Geordie.
The worst song in the world, according to The Pale White:
The Pale White’s verdict: “There’s only one answer, in my mind, to ‘what is the worst song ever written?’
Picture the scene: It’s 2009. I’m just starting high school, hair growing ever longer, Nirvana on repeat on the iPod shuffle, group of friends with similarly adequate teenage angst and abnormal music taste… and what comes out from every radio within hearing distance? The most annoying song I’ve ever heard: ‘Fireflies’ by Owl City. It was everywhere, and we couldn’t escape it.
It’s not just the whimsical, dreamy synthetic instrumentation so unimaginative and cheesy that it sounds like it’s straight out of a Disney flick or the over-the-top American-accented autotuned vocals akin to Tom Delonge from Blink-182 impersonating himself, but add to the mix a set of lyrics that spark no sense of emotion, apart from anger—anger so strong you will stop at nothing to make sure you never hear this garbage again.
But that’s not so easy in 2009. While my friend group consisting of similarly hairy and angsty pre-pubescent individuals were happy not conforming to the norm, we couldn’t help but get bombarded by the pop sensationalism whirlwind around us thanks to the Hollister-clad ‘popular’ students in our midst. Yet, it’s been 16 years and I’m still baffled at the success of this drivel. It makes perfect sense that a 12-year-old kid who enjoyed having Slipknot screaming ‘people equal shit’ down his ears on every walk to school certainly wouldn’t enjoy the biggest hit of the summer.
But my taste has changed. I enjoy all genres of music and continue to be inspired by a wide variety of styles, pop certainly being one of them. But one thing remains in my brain. This song is, as we say, up north, naff. To me, nothing about ‘Fireflies’ is good. While it ticks every mid-2000s pop song cliché, it does them badly.
I’ve still never heard another song by Owl City, and while I’m not in a hurry to, perhaps the rest of their discography is great? Maybe some tunes that don’t just sound like you’ve asked your Casio keyboard to play the most annoying arpeggio it can come out with? But I suspect they don’t, and so Owl City will remain in the ‘one-hit wonder’ hall of fame for eternity, and for what?
The worst song ever written.”
To answer Barrow’s question, while there are eight separate albums to Owl City’s name, there is no definitive proof that he has written another song besides ‘Fireflies’. With that in mind, let’s hope that The Pale White can eclipse that one-track autotune outlook with their more multifaceted approach. On their new album, The Big Sad, they push that to night heights.
