Stay for the story: Is this the worst hotel in the world?
If you’re the worst at something, that technically means you’re still the best at something, right? Usually, this isn’t exactly worn as a badge of honour, especially in the hospitality industry. Most businesses work hard to maintain their good reputation for obvious reasons. However, one hotel tells a different story depending on the time of day you come across it. By day, it seems like a normal hostel. By night, its signage reads “HELL”, a direct warning against staying there, but one that works wonders as bait.
At first, it wasn’t a joke. In fact, the harrowing reputation of the Hans Brinker Budget Hotel In Amsterdam was anything but celebrated. Guests often reported rusty beds, poor hygiene, bed bugs, confined areas, uncomfortable mattresses, rude staff, and loss of personal items, among many other things that would constitute a nightmare accommodation akin to what one reviewer called “prison quarters”.
While most hotels would tirelessly work to turn the tide on the negative reputation they accrued, Hans Brinker saw a gap in the market and instead decided to lean into cynicism and market an entire re-brand based on what others were saying about them. This meant turning up the heat on all the horrifying aspects of the hostel and the experience of staying there and transforming these into selling points.
An old website satirically lured potential guests in by mentioning “a concrete courtyard” that sits in darkness, graffiti “witticisms” alongside “doors that lock”, and comfort levels “comparable to a minimum-security prison”. It also played on notions of eco-friendliness, saying that its sinks can double up as showers, stair usage instead of lifts, and towels that could be used as curtains.
Labelling itself as ‘The Worst Hotel in the World’, the Hans Brinker is an incredibly cheap alternative to some of Amsterdam’s more luxurious choices, but opting to stay there on a budget comes with a price, despite the hostel being in a prime location for travellers. “Come for the bed, stay for the story,” the website currently boasts beneath an image of an alpaca, spotlighting the experience and all of the ways its guests will leave with a story, one that can sometimes be too wildly unbelievable to relay.
It might seem like a strangely obvious route to take, but in all honesty, it’s the ultimate safeguard against any potential complaints: if anyone stays there and doesn’t like the experience, then that’s on them. After all, it’s painted all over the hostel’s advertising like a glaring beacon of pride. On the flip side, the branding also fits well with their established demographic, with most people staying there being the younger types who either stay out for most of the night or don’t care much for their hotel because they won’t be there for too long anyway.
However, if not for nothing else, you have to let yourself be amused by the various tropes they execute. For starters, an old description read: “….quite honestly, not the best, but definitely the most memorable hostel in Amsterdam…you get what you pay for. And because you don’t pay much, you won’t get any of the following things: a swimming pool, room service, honeymoon suites, a gym, tiny bottles of shampoo, a spa bath, or bellboys in silly hats.”
Moreover, they actively advise you to seek other accommodation. If that’s not possible, they say that other options that would be better than the Hans Brinker include a sleeping bag on the side of the motorway or an abandoned mine shaft. According to them, the only thing worse than staying at the Hans Brinker is curling up on an unmarked grave. If you’re ever considering trying your hand at being a guest, at least one thing is guaranteed: service will always be below average.
