The movie so bad Roger Ebert didn’t believe it could have been made by humans
For decades, Roger Ebert was the authority on movies. The longtime film critic at the Chicago Sun-Times launched to stardom by co-hosting several movie review television shows with Chicago Tribune critic Gene Siskel, and although they were ostensibly rivals, their chemistry and accessible way of talking about cinema made them two of the most beloved and influential figures on American TV screens. Their thumbs-up or thumbs-down assessment could change the prospects of a new release, and Ebert in particular became known as the go-to film critic for movie fans and casual viewers alike.
Ebert had a knack for writing entertaining, substantive, compulsive readable reviews, and became the first film critic to win a Pulitzer Prize for Criticism all the way back in 1975. He died in 2013, but his body of work continues to be a touchstone for many.
Over the years, Ebert voiced plenty of strong and sometimes controversial opinions. He was dismissive of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, for example, and gave Ridley Scott’s Gladiator two out of four stars, describing it as “Rocky on downers.”
Of his most hated movies, however, one stands head and shoulders above the rest. In a zero-star review, he assessed the 1989 Tony Danza comedy She’s Out of Control with characteristic passion. “What planet did the makers of this film come from?” He asked. “What assumptions do they have about the purpose and quality of life? I ask because ‘She’s Out of Control’ is simultaneously so bizarre and so banal that it’s a first: the first movie fabricated entirely from sitcom cliches and plastic lifestyles, without reference to any known plane of reality.”
Ebert may have had some controversial opinions over the years, but this one was pretty much spot-on. Directed by Stan Dragoti, whose other offences include the famously mindless 1985 Tom Hanks vehicle The Man with One Red Shoe, She’s Out of Control stars Danza as a maniacally controlling father to a teenage girl (Ami Dolenz). He becomes completely unhinged when she, like all teen girls in ‘80s and ‘90s rom-coms, gets a makeover and magically becomes attractive to boys.
Ebert pointed out that the father’s obsession with his daughter as a sexual object would have been disturbing under normal circumstances, but that Danza’s character is so unintelligent and “lacking in psychological insight” that he just seems dim rather than lascivious. That might have been different if the producers had stuck with the original title of the film, Daddy’s Little Girl. Eventually, Danza’s character does seek expert advice, but it only creates more chaos.
Perhaps the greatest legacy of the film is that it provided a rare opportunity for both Ebert and his sparring partner, Siskel, to be in complete agreement on something. “When I saw She’s Out of Control, I became so depressed I actually thought about quitting my job as a film critic,” Siskel revealed during an episode of their television programme At the Movies.
Although there are plenty of equally terrible movies getting released every year, it’s hard to imagine a film as patriarchal as She’s Out of Control making it past the script stage anymore. Movie makeovers may still be a seductive character device for many filmmakers, but as films like Bottoms and Booksmart prove, there’s a lot more that can be made of high school comedy than creepily possessive dads and blue eyeshadow.
