The 10 worst sequel songs of all time

‘Don’t Let It End Reprise’ – Styx

From day one, critics the world over have never had a firm idea of what to do about Styx. They could certainly play their asses off and had legions of fans singing along to their songs, but there was some strange type of anti-charisma that kept them away from being prog-rock gods or stadium-rock legends the same way that Led Zeppelin or Aerosmith were celebrated. Then again, their fatal flaw normally came from Dennis DeYoung’s massive ambition, and Kilroy Was Here was where everything hit a brick wall.

Granted, it wouldn’t be right for bands not to experiment with what they could do. It’s every artist’s job to push themselves, but this rock opera centred around a warped dystopia where rock and roll is outlawed is nothing more than confusing, especially when they decide to follow up the first ballad of the record ‘Don’t Let It End’ with a reprise at the end.

Since the original version of the tune was about a man begging his lover to stay with him, this feels like a cheap way for them to remind everyone of the concept at the very end, which gets more than a little bit cringy when the last line sings about keeping rock and roll alive over the cheesiest synths known to man. The band could still write hooks, but this was the first time where the lyrics felt like something that could have come out of a high schooler’s journal rather than a prog rock band.

‘Under the Rose’ – Kiss

The entire appeal of Kiss is that no one needs to know the lore behind their songs. Oh, most kids might have needed to know every bit about the legends of ‘The Demon’ and ‘The Starchild’ in terms of the band’s comic book counterparts, but there wasn’t anyone pouring over the lyrical masterpieces found in tunes like ‘Goin’ Blind’ and ‘Christine Sixteen’. So when the band decided to make an album that flowed into each other like The Wall, it couldn’t help but be unintentionally hilarious.

Outside of some decent orchestration by Bob Ezrin, Music From the Elder is one the most bloated records Kiss ever made, even if it wraps up in a short timeframe. While the entire album is a bit meandering, it doesn’t get more cheesy than ‘Under the Rose’, where we hear about someone deemed ‘The Chosen One’ following a corrupt order dubbed ‘The Rose’, with Paul Stanley sounding like he’s trying to blend his voice between an operatic singer and his usual screech.

Despite they insisted they didn’t want to be too heavy-handed about everything, it’s not surprising that this is the one piece of their catalogue that none of the original members want to talk about. Because of this was considered an exposition track to hear about the majestic story unfolding, Ace Frehley chucking the record against a wall when he heard it might have been an understatement.

‘Don’t Cry II’ – Guns N’ Roses

A lot of great sequel songs come from the context in which they are played. A band like Metallica might not have equalled a tune like ‘The Unforgiven’ ever since 1991, but hearing the extensions of the main theme on ReLoad and Death Magnetic allowed people to check in with the protagonist and see how he’s holding up over the years. But when Guns N’ Roses decided ‘Don’t Cry’ wasn’t good enough, adding on a totally different version of it is nothing but fatiguing by the end of Use Your Illusion.

But we have to recap something first. ‘Don’t Cry’ should still be ranked among the best moments that Guns N’ Roses ever made together, taking the crux of their usual ballads and blowing it up on steroids. If you thought that Axl Rose’s prolonged note at the end of the original was a little much, though, having another version of the song shoehorned in at the very end of the second record with different lyrics feels like the band wanted that lavish double album only to run out of ideas.

And considering what follows immediately after this is ‘My World,’ it’s safe to say that the band were finally starting to feel the fatigue of their own album. The Use Your Illusion double album is still a gloriously beautiful mess, but this is the kind of sequel that feels like spending most of its time reminiscing on what made the first one so good.

‘Desperado Reprise’ – Eagles

Considering how much Eagles got ridiculed for being a safe rock band, hearing them take on a concept album should have been a way for them to prove haters wrong. They could make something with depth that people could listen to forever, but looking at Desperado, it’s not like it didn’t chase away those who claimed that their music could get a bit dozy in places. And if we’re talking about dreary tunes, hearing the album limp to the finish line with a reprise of ‘Desperado’ feels a little too cheap.

That said, it’s easy to understand what it’s trying to do. The whole album was a tale of all these outlaws running from the police, so this is the final shot as the credits roll where we see them meet their fate. While the commentary from Don Henley is a fantastic way to wrap things up, the backing track cannot help but be corny, as if they took the heart and pathos behind the title track and ‘Doolin Dalton’ and began playing the elevator muzak version of them.

There are many pieces of the song that work, but considering how many times we come back to the ‘Doolin Dalton’ theme during the record, this feels like a sappy way to wrap up the story. After all, a lot of the outlaws met a fairly gruesome fate, and while that wouldn’t make for a proper ending, this feels like watching the funeral march for the people we were rooting for throughout the entire record.

‘God Part II’ – U2

U2 usually have had no problem talking about their impact on rock and roll. Even though they have come correct and delivered some of the best music of the 1980s, there is always that voice in someone’s head wondering if this is the moment where Bono starts sounding a little too pretentious. And for any prospective Beatles fans in the audience, the frontman was dead in the water before even singing a word on ‘God Part II’.

Then again, it’s hard for me to go in too hard on a tune like this. Because on the surface, it’s actually a great concept for a song, as Bono talks about believing in love and the shady sides of religion that people shouldn’t be swayed by. At the same time, the frontman’s claims that this was meant to be a sequel to John Lennon’s ‘God’ feels dirty to even type, as if he was comparing the life of luxury he has with Lennon’s cry of pain as he renounces his legacy.

While Lennon’s own ‘Imagine’ has become contentious among fans wondering if he was actually sincere, this is miles worse in some respects, almost like Bono is expecting to be put on the same level as the Fab Four before the rest of the world calls it. Considering the beginning of Rattle and Hum opens with Bono talking about stealing ‘Helter Skelter’ back from Charles Manson, we all should have seen this as a bad omen.

‘Don’t Leave Me Now’ – Pink Floyd

The entire concept for The Wall might be one of the finest commentaries in rock history. The rock and roll lifestyle is certainly not for everybody, and by talking about the problems that came with Syd Barrett and draping it in the character of Pink, Roger Waters may have accidentally let his true colours show more than he really intended. But when watching the protagonist spiral downwards, we do end up getting a few cheap laughs at his expense as well.

That said, ‘Don’t Leave Me Now’ does serve its purpose as Pink’s breaking point where he’s finally alone after his groupies decide to leave. Unfortunately, he also has something to say, and even though the backing track is perfectly serviceable as a moment of despair, hearing Waters croak on about everyone leaving him feels more than a little bit grating after hearing him call out to his female company.

I’ll admit, the song does sound like it works better in the context of a massive theatrical production, but since Waters isn’t the greatest singer to begin with, hearing him try to make something with this operatic scope is almost too cringy to take seriously for more than 30 seconds. Hearing him weep does end up tugging on a few heartstrings, but it’s also no surprise if no one ever wanted to hear this tune ever again.

‘The Mechanix’ – Megadeth

And now we have one of the strangest ones on the list. Because technically, this isn’t a sequel at all. Since Megadeth was formed after Dave Mustaine wanted to show Metallica the mistake they made by firing him, ‘The Mechanix’ was his way of taking back one of his old songs and putting more attitude behind it. While this is technically a prequel to what ‘The Four Horsemen’ was, it does sound like a demo that really needed to grow up.

While Mustaine can be cut a little bit of slack for finding his feet as a vocalist, hearing him try to play the tune ever faster sounds like a grave mistake. It’s easy to appreciate the accuracy with which he plays everything, but the entire appeal of ‘The Four Horsemen’ is how well it grooves, especially when it gets to the central riff and features everyone locking in on that swinging rhythm.

Here it sounds like it’s an excuse for them to make as much noise as possible, and the less said about the juvenile sexual fantasies in the lyrics, the better off we’ll all be. Megadeth would eventually go on to be one of the best bands in the history of thrash metal, but if Mustaine was insistent on keeping this on the final version of their debut, maybe it was time they admitted they needed to tighten things up a bit.

‘Guilty Conscience 2’ – Eminem

No matter what record Eminem put out, he always had a way of making everything feel cinematic. Even if some of the songs didn’t hit as well on Encore or were downright insulting like on Revival, Slim Shady always knew how to find epic sounds to keep everything feeling like the most important record anyone would ever hear. But for an album centred around putting his offensive persona to bed, ‘Guilty Conscience 2’ was a reminder of how much that zany cartoon version of him no longer exists.

Despite the original ‘Guilty Conscience’ having some questionable moments, the core idea of Dr Dre and Eminem being the angel and devil on someone’s shoulder is an inspired choice. But since the whole process behind The Death of Slim Shady plays out like some warped conversation between Eminem and his old self, this feels like listening in on a one-person therapy session that no one was invited to, as he tells himself that being offensive is not the answer.

While it does the heart good to see Eminem get a more wholesome outlook on life, it’s also hard to take seriously when he was making jokes at the expense of terrorist attack victims only one album before. And considering what a great job he did with revisiting the concept of ‘Stan’ in ‘Bad Guy’, this kind of fumble is more disappointing knowing what he was capable of doing. We all have fond memories of Slim Shady, but this is the reason why that character should have died around the time of Relapse.

‘This Guitar (Can’t Keep From Crying)’ – George Harrison

George Harrison wasn’t necessarily joking when he was making an album entitled Dark Horse. He already had an agenda on that album talking about the fallout between him and his wife after she left him for Eric Clapton, but he still seemed to be talking about his status as the underdog of The Beatles that broke out to become a superstar. Right after that album, though, Extra Texture featured one of the first moments where Harrison felt genuinely tired of making any new music.

Even though most people save their vitriol for Dark Horse with Harrison’s ramshackle voice, ‘This Guitar (Can’t Keep From Crying)’ is among the most boring tunes that he has ever made. Harrison had said that the entire song was an excuse for him to play a bit of guitar after sticking exclusively to piano-led songs, trying to invoke the name of his flawless Beatles compositions makes the tune feel a little lacklustre.

Especially with someone like Jesse Ed Davis sitting in with him, it’s a wonder why the whole track sounds like a lowkey affair as if they thought that the name recognition would get people to listen to any kind of bluesy jam that they threw together. There is a decent record hiding somewhere within Extra Texture, but this was Harrison bottoming out and realising that he wasn’t meant for the party life for much longer.

‘The Heart Part 6’ – Drake

For all of the songs that could be construed as sequels, response tracks didn’t use to be in the running. But ever since Drake started making responses within days like he did with Meek Mill on ‘Back 2 Back,’ it was almost expected that he wouldn’t back down from a fight when someone like Kendrick Lamar came calling. And while he definitely sounded hungry on ‘Family Matters,’ ‘The Heart Part 6’ is seeing Mr Graham as an injured attack dog clawing at anything else he could find.

The whole process of surviving ‘Meet the Grahams’ and ‘Not Like Us’ would have done a number on anyone, but feeling the need to defend himself so quickly was a grave mistake on his part. Outside of not saying anything new about Lamar, all Drake does is talk in circles over a tired beat and not make any good defence that he isn’t guilty, even suggesting that he fed Lamar false information while never actually disclosing his side to the fullest, which is even more damning when he mentions Millie Bobby Brown by name in the song.

And if he does claim that he planted all of the accusations that Lamar latched onto in his own diss tracks, that was never going to hold up well when he got the American legal system involved to try to take down ‘Not Like Us’. Although it’s unclear what exactly has gone down with Drake over the years regarding his close proximity to underage girls, it’s easy for most people to assume the worst when this is the biggest defence he could have made following ‘Family Matters’.