“Reliving my own hell”: Sharon Van Etten’s accidental break-up record
As difficult as times of turmoil are for the everyday person, they can provide the perfect fodder for a musician. Sharon Van Etten might be one of the most authentic songwriters in contemporary music, but her ability to transform personal experiences into raw and honest art is what truly sets her apart. She doesn’t just write; she creates a mirror for both herself and her fans, offering endless discovery and interpretations.
Most of the time, Etten’s songs emerge like guiding hands, like that much-needed sign you were looking for that shows you that you’re not alone and that your thoughts and feelings are completely justified. Her songs and words don’t always appear as sonically melancholy as the messaging, but therein lies her appeal: instead of writing ‘sad’ tunes or danceable tracks, she blends it all in together, presenting a rich and enticing experience that taps into every mood.
Take ‘Seventeen’ for instance; although it’s about growing up and yearning for the innocence of youth, there’s a richness to the song that doesn’t always feel weighed down by sadness or despair. Instead, Etten factors in warmth and nostalgia in a way that feels as though she is inviting you to confront the thoughts you had been warding off, reminding you that there’s no fear in self-reflection and reminiscing.
Often, this choice is entirely deliberate, but sometimes, Etten stumbles across her own progression of self-discovery without even realising it in the moment. This was the case with ‘Our Love’ and Are We There in a broader sense, a record in which the singer unknowingly foreshadowed her own breakup. While reflecting on her relationship with a DJ, she expressed emotions that hinted at an internal disconnection she hadn’t fully realised yet.
Just like many of her influences, Etten has previously revealed that many of her songs emerged during a dark time, which was the case with this album, but the singer wrote it over the course of about two years, which meant that many of her thoughts and experiences were more heavily embedded in her mindset more unsuspectingly, rather than coming together over a particularly difficult period of time.
As she explained during an interview with Mojo, “I had no idea I was writing a breakup record when I was writing this, but that’s what I ended up doing,” she said, adding, “Most of the tracking was done by the time it happened. It’s kind of heavy when you look at it in those terms; I’d been writing these songs for two years and everything just came to fruition. It’s kind of dark.”
This headiness within the record is clearer with this additional context, especially as it conveys a more difficult and convoluted attitude about the potential of ending a relationship and its ability to appear as “beautiful as being in love.” In Etten’s view, this is because deciding to opt out of a situation that was causing pain—however deeply it appeared beneath the surface—can allow you to grow and become uplifted.
This is also prominent in the second verse of ‘Our Love’, when Etten visualises being trapped at the bottom of a well until someone throws a ladder down: “At the bottom of a well I’m reliving my own hell,” she sings, continuing, “Someone throws the ladder down / Still don’t know what I have found.” In this way, it’s the promise of uncertainty that enables her to enter a new, healthier chapter.
