‘Sex Lives of the Potato Men’: The worst British movie of all time?
Naming any movie as being among the worst ever is largely subjective, but Sex Lives of the Potato Men turned out to be such a reprehensible work of cinema that the government tried to point the finger of blame squarely onto the people who funded it.
That’s not something that happens with any great deal of regularity, which underlines just how dismal the film really was. What makes it even more galling is that it features a number of popular, talented, esteemed, and proven talents among its ensemble, although an Adrian Chiles cameo was definitely a warning in hindsight.
The title is quite literal, with Johnny Vegas’ Dave being kicked out of his home for his slovenly ways, while Mackenzie Crooks’ Ferris is similarly down on his luck. Together, they set out to sell potatoes and find themselves lovers, lighting the fuse on an excruciating 82 minutes of mind-numbing uselessness.
Written and directed by Andy Humphries, the ensemble roped in a multitude of familiar faces, with the common denominator being that none of them had ever starred in anything worse, either before or since. It sounds harsh, but Sex Lives of the Potato Men really is that bad.
The question of how a feature-length travesty on such a cosmic scale managed to secure the necessary funding is definitely one worth asking, but the finger of blame lies squarely in the halls of political power. In 2000, the sitting government established the UK Film Council, which was tasked with maintaining the allocation of lottery funding to independent British cinema.
Seeking to try and play the Americans at their own game, the decision was made to inject money into Sex Lives of the Potato Men in the hopes the United Kingdom would end up with a raucous, raunchy, and ribald puerile comedy hit to call its own. At least, that was the intention before the results proved to be demonstrably dire.
Healing party divides like only cinema can, Labour’s Clare Short and the Conservatives’ Anne Widdecombe both blasted the film in very public settings, while politician Julie Kirkbride suggested the cinemagoing public “don’t want to feel their money is being wasted” when the UK Film Council was brazenly splurging lottery funds on such objectionable dreck.
For his part, Vegas doesn’t regret being part of it, but he did acknowledge the unexpected political minefield Sex Lives of the Potato Men found itself in. “It was on a bit of a hiding to nothing. It got caught up in a lot of politics with the Lottery Commission who put money in,” he said. “It just seemed to be a big stick that they used to beat them with. There were other big film companies that put money in and invested, other studios.”
As for Crooks, he fondly recalls the experience, but not without admitting “somewhere between the script and the finished product, something went wrong.” However, he maintained to Den of Geek that Sex Lives of the Potato Men does have its supporters. “It’s the cab drivers’ favourite,” he continued. “Every time I get into a London cab, they’ll turn around and say ‘Do you know what’s my favourite movie I was watching the other day, Sex Lives Of The Potato Men.'”
Not everybody detests it with an intense passion, then, but based on its standing in British cinema’s halls of infamy, it wouldn’t be a stretch to say that not only do 99.9% of unfortunate viewers despise Sex Lives of the Potato Men with a burning passion, but they’re also completely correct to harbour that opinion.
