A ranking of fictional movie restaurants from super ritzy to “may give you food poisoning”
Going out to eat is one of life’s greatest pleasures. Seriously, you go out and exchange money to have somebody else cook you dinner. It’s a wonderful concept. Gold star to whoever invented it.
Throughout cinema history, countless movie scenes have been set in restaurants, from the glitziest, most expensive places in the big city to the dingiest roadside diners. I’ve always found it fun to scope out the establishments in the film and think, “Hmmm. I wonder if I’d like to eat there.”
Fittingly, then, I’ve created this list of fictional movie restaurants ranked in order of most to least likely to receive my patronage. If I was a character in the film, you understand. I can’t really go to these places, no matter how badly I may want to.
Here are the ten of the best fictional movie restaurants ranked from super ritzy to “may give you food poisoning.”
Ranking fictional movie restaurants:
10. Dorsia – American Psycho (Mary Harron, 1998)
Where better to start this list than Dorsia, a restaurant so ritzy that it repeatedly denied even a rich investment banker like Patrick Bateman a reservation. In one of American Psycho’s funniest running jokes, yuppie serial killer Bateman can eat at every fancy restaurant in the city he desires – except Dorsia, which is always fully booked.
Bateman even lies to his assistant when he’s on the phone to the restaurant, and they’re telling him no. Then, when he takes rival Paul Allen to a different eatery under a fake name as part of a ruse to lure him back to his apartment and kill him, he can’t hide his disdain when Allen remarks that he could’ve got them a table at Dorsia. Bateman looks away, horrified at the mere thought of the restaurant that doesn’t want his money, and dismisses it with, “Nobody goes there anymore.”
9. Rick’s Café Américain – Casablanca (Michael Curtiz, 1942)
“Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.”
Rick, old buddy, I’d gladly walk into your gin joint because the Café Américain in Casablanca looks like a swell place to spend an evening. OK, sure, you may be surrounded on any given evening by Nazi officials and refugees desperate to find their way to the US, but you’d at least be able to sip on a tasty cocktail and listen to some light jazz while you escape the horrors of the war.
Admittedly, I’m not entirely sure what the food was like at Café Américain, but if it was anywhere near as good as the drinks and overall classy atmosphere of the joint, I’d put money on it being sublime.
8. Jack Rabbit Slim’s – Pulp Fiction (Quentin Tarantino, 1994)
These days, the idea of a $5 milkshake sounds like a sweet deal, so that’s one reason Jack Rabbit Slim’s is in the top half of the list. I’ve paid a lot more than that for a milkshake in my time, I can tell you, and few of them looked as good as the one Uma Thurman drinks in this iconic Pulp Fiction scene.
The main selling point of the restaurant, though, isn’t its food. It’s the overall fun ambience created by the nostalgic ’50s-themed decor and music, not to mention all the waiters and waitresses dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and James Dean. Hell, I also love a good dance – watching, not participating – so the Jack Rabbit Slim’s Twist contest looks like a blast.
7. The Frosty Palace – Grease (Randal Kleiser, 1978)
Moving from a ’50s-themed diner to a diner from the real decade, the Frosty Palace in Grease looks like my kind of place. OK, I may need to fight my way through a throng of Rydell High School teenagers, each one singing and dancing to their heart’s content, but sometimes I like dinner and show. Heck, I could even choose to avail of the Drive-Thru option, if I felt self-conscious about being accosted by a rogue T-Bird or Pink Lady.
The snowman on top of the building holding an ice cream sundae, two banana splits, and three cones also tells me that this place does dynamite ice cream, which is another thing to stick in the plus column.
6. The Tip Top Cafe – Groundhog Day (Harold Ramis, 1993)
The Tip Top Cafe looks like the kind of quaint, small-town place where I could get a good cup of coffee, a nice breakfast, and maybe a doughnut for the road. If I were to actually attend the cafe, though, I’d want it to be under the same circumstances Bill Murray’s Phil Connors does in Groundhog Day. Namely, in full comprehension of the fact I’m stuck in a time loop, and nothing I do will have any consequences.
Why would this be a benefit in eating at the cafe? Well, simply look at what Phil does when he realises the day will reset itself, no matter what he does or says. He orders the entire menu, of course, and then gorges himself on every delicious thing he’d normally have to avoid. You can’t put on weight in a time loop, after all.
5. The Famous T-Bone Cafe – Hell or High Water (David Mackenzie, 2016)
If you ever find yourself in the Famous T-Bone Cafe in West Texas, for the love of God, don’t order trout like some asshole from New York did back in 1987. As the mildly terrifying waitress who has worked there for 44 years tells Jeff Bridges’ Texas Ranger, “We don’t sell no goddamn trout”.
In all seriousness, this scene in David Mackenzie’s superlative neo-western Hell or High Water is one of the funniest restaurant scenes ever put to film. Bridges and partner Gil Birmingham’s confusion over her opening gambit of “What don’t you want?” is a hoot, and in the end, they accept that they’ll be getting T-Bone steaks, a baked potato, and a corn on the cob, no matter if that’s what they actually want or not.
4. Pizza Planet – Toy Story (John Lasseter, 1995)
If I was younger than 12 years old, Pizza Planet would be a lot higher on this list. After all, it’s a space-themed pizza restaurant with a ton of arcade games to play while you wait for your dinner. It also has that iconic claw machine with the squeaky alien toys that would be ideal for endlessly wasting our mum’s hard-earned cash. What’s not to love?
As an adult, though, I can only imagine going to Pizza Planet would be like entering the ninth circle of hell. There’d be children running about all over the place, the noise of the arcade and screaming youngsters would be deafening, and you’d have to scarf your pizza between bouts of begging from your children for money to play the games. Oh, and everything would be so sticky.
3. Louis’ – The Godfather (Francis Ford Coppola, 1972)
When Salvatore Tessio explains to Peter Clemenza why Louis’ restaurant in Brooklyn is a perfect place to stage Michael Corleone’s meeting with corrupt cop McClusky and rival gangster Virgil Sollozzo, he describes a fairly nice place. Tessio says, “A small family place, good food, tasty spaghetti. Everyone minds their own business. Perfect”. Sounds nice, right?
Well, maybe. I don’t know about the quality of Louis’ food or whether it’s good value for money. The spot seems like a cosy place to have a quiet dinner, that must be said. The main problem with it, though, is that it’s the place where Michael executes both men as revenge for their part in the attempt on his father’s life. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t be too keen to go to an eatery where two guys got whacked while slurping their spaghetti.
2. Gusteau’s – Ratatouille (Brad Bird, 2007)
I’m sorry about this entry in advance. It’s probably going to upset a lot of people, and I totally understand why. The food in Gusteau’s looks stunning, and Anton Ego’s reaction to eating the ratatouille is something everyone would kill for when they go to a restaurant. The place looks decadent and well-maintained, as well, and I’m sure the denizens of Paris pack it out every single night.
There’s just one thing I can’t get past, though, and it probably makes me a terrible person. The idea of a rat, even a super cute cartoon rat, cooking the food that I’m eating at a restaurant is beyond the pale. I can’t even entertain the idea, I’m sorry. I’d rather risk getting whacked at Louis’ or go to Pizza Planet and eat a slice off their sticky, sticky floor.
1. Mos Eisley Cantina – Star Wars (George Lucas, 1977)
Where else could an establishment described as a “wretched hive of scum and villainy” place on a list like this? The Mos Eisley Cantina, the jazziest tavern this side of the desert planet Tatooine, is known for its frequent outbreaks of violence between its clientele, including bounty hunters, alien weirdos, smugglers, and even renegade pilots. I’m not sure I’d want to eat at a place like that, especially as someone with a nervous disposition and a weak jaw. I’d almost certainly leave with food poisoning, too, given the crazy alien dishes they’d serve my weak stomach.
There is another reason the cantina is placed at the bottom, though. When you go out to eat, you need some soothing music to set the tone for your evening. If it’s too loud, you can’t talk to the people you’re with – and that’s my main beef with the cantina band. I’d end up telling them to keep it down, then get thrown out of the joint on my head by a crazy alien with six arms.
