The only country on the planet that declared Steven Seagal a threat to national security
Having disappeared so far up his own arse so long ago that he’s been irretrievable for decades, Steven Seagal fancying himself as a real-life tough guy doesn’t rule out the possibility that he was absolutely thrilled to be declared a threat to the safety of an entire nation.
After all, this is a guy who once claimed that he secretly helped the United States government train CIA operatives, despite providing no evidence or having anybody else verify his story. Even if you tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, Seagal talks so much shit that you’d never believe him anyway.
The washed-up action star, who also suggested he deserved a Nobel Peace Prize more than Al Gore because his woeful, Razzie-winning directorial debut, On Deadly Ground, touched on the subject of climate change a decade before An Inconvenient Truth, considers himself a legend in his own mind.
Seagal, the wooden actor who explained that he’d learned his signature style of martial arts, aikido, from the discipline’s founder, Morihei Ueshiba, who’d died five years before he even touched down in Japan for the first time, additionally attempted to take credit for the success of multiple mixed martial arts fighters, based on “a signature kick that I’ve taught them,” despite nobody backing him up.
Clearly, the litigious, lecherous, and wildly unpopular fallen star talks a good game, but in all the fabrications, tall tales, and half-truths that he’s swaddled himself in over the years, what remains true is that he was declared persona non grata by Ukraine, banned from entering the country, and declared a threat to national security.
Obviously, it’s got everything to do with his close ties to Vladimir Putin, who personally granted him Russian citizenship in 2016, and two years later was named as a special envoy to aid in relations between the country and the United States “in the humanitarian sphere,” because there’s clearly nobody more qualified to heal a fractious rift better than Steven fucking Seagal.
The most unpopular man in Hollywood, who styled himself as “one million per cent Russophile and one million per cent Russian,” as anyone would do when they were born in Michigan and raised in California, was cited by the Ukrainian secret service as being someone who “committed socially dangerous actions that contradict the interests of maintaining Ukraine’s security.”
If anything, more countries should brand Seagal as a threat and forbid him from breathing in their air, if only for the fact that he’s a twat. Obviously, cosying up to Putin and pouring your heart out about how much you love Russia isn’t going to win you any friends over the eastern border, although he did cut ties with his Russian businesses in 2025, presumably to avoid being sanctioned.
Like many other nations dotted around the globe, Ukraine wants fuck all to do with Seagal, which is perfectly understandable, because who does? However, it does remain the only country on the planet to view him as a genuine menace.
