Further proof that the NME is entirely out of touch with the musical map of the nation we thought we could look at their awards show form last night and tell you who should’ve won (in our humble opinion).

Godlike Genius Award

Suede

Far Out Choice: The Brian Jonestown Massacre. Hey NME we loved the 90’s as well but come on, we have had anesthetic appointments with more verve than that selection.  Not only have Brian Jonestown been a band for years with continual great music and evocative performances but Anton Newcombe’s dedication to the alternative scene makes him a Godfather of sorts. A slightly odd but golden Godfather.

Best British Band

Kasabian

Far Out Choice: Errrnng – wrong. Hookworms have been the most progressive and direct band of the last 12 months by far. Channeling not only the growl and grit of the youth but displaying it with effective and effortless aplomb.

Best International Band

Foo Fighters

Far Out Choice: Wrong again! There’s a theme developing. Surely the best international band has to be Parquet Courts. Apart from actually producing a good album and being in some way relevant to a generation they are insistant on constantly developing themselves. Ahem, Dave Grohl. Remeber that chord change you wrote 8 years ago? Yeah, just stick with that.

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Outstanding Contribution to Music

Teenage Cancer Trust – They hit this one out the park in fairness to them. Though not really very musical more events and ticketing but stick to what you know, i guess.

Best Solo Artist

Jake Bugg

Far Out Choice: Mac Demarco surely has to be the winner here. Not only is he the nicest bloke on the planet but ‘Salad Days’ was an incredible album and his artistry far outweighs the cry of and under-privileged childhood being pampered like the arse of a Roman emperor with nappy rash.

Best New Band

Royal Blood

Far Out Choice: Although Royal Blood really did make a splash in the arsehole of Radio 1 (and that’s not discrediting them, it was one hell of a splash) something about their leather jackets turning in to Givenchy Biker Jacketss makes us wanna heave. Therefore we think Hinds (FKA Deers) the garage-punk band from Madrid embody the spirit for their tense environment and make truly catchy tunes amid truly terrifying chaos.

Best Live Band

Royal Blood

Far Out Choice: We are not denying the massive energy and sound Royal Blood bring to any live show but there is without a doubt one more visceral and caustic band out there at the moment. Fat White Family have to be the best live band we have seen in a generation. Go on, name someone better. Look at the below, you were even there NME – it’s your bloody event!?

[youtube_sc url=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOZFFysmFHU” width=”600″ height=”200″] 

Best Album

Kasabian –‘48:13’

Far Out Choice: Eagulls ‘Eagulls’ The phrase breath of fresh air comes to mind when you first put this record on, but by the end of it you have experienced an all-out shock to the system. This is indie done properly, away from the prying eyes and grubby mits of an all-consuming industry.

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Best Track

Jamie T – ‘Zombie’

Far Out Choice: ‘Continental Shelf’ Viet Cong. Forming out of the despair of losing a band mate former members of Woman’s Hour cam together to form Viet Cong. Their post-punk industrial sound crashed across an other kaleidoscopic scene and turned escapism in to brutal reality.

Best Video

Jamie T – ‘Zombie’

Far Out Choice: The once a la mode artist Jamie T seems to have hit a msuical brick wall and man has it fucked up his image. We think it better the award go to those cross-dressing brothers The Garden with ‘I am a Woman’.

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Best Festival

Glastonbury

Far Out Choice: We literally think there are too many to mention from Dot to Dot and Beacons to the amazing Primavera. There are so many we are shocked with the dullness of Glastonbury. In fairness though most of the dinosaurs at NME probably have shares in it.

Best TV Show

Game Of Thrones

Far Out Choice: I’m pretty sure only fannys like Game of Thrones so we would much rather watch the chilling and almost career-defining role for Matthew McConaughey in the amazing True Detective. Plus it has Woody Harrelson in it. Case closed.

Best Music Film

Pulp: A Film About Life, Death And Supermarkets

Far Out Choice: Although we love Pulp and we really do. We struggle to see how a film that was not able to be viewed in the UK (from a UK band!) has won this award. We’ve gone back to front then and give you a US band Girlpool and their documentary ‘Things are OK’ which is available in the UK.

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Worst Band

5 Seconds Of Summer

Far Out Choice: Kasabian with their bullshit beards and stupid ‘we’re still working class, honest’ attitude there is enough to make you puke. They then have to do the stupid thing of trying to make a record and then even make us listen to it! Tut-tut boys, it’s time to rest up now and don’t make another album.

Best Band Social Media

Liam Gallagher’s Twitter

Far Out Choice: We have a no-vote. What a pointless fucking category. They shoudl just have ‘The Most Internally Deranged with Access to the Internet’ as a category next year. It would make Liam Gallagher’s winning all the more elementary.

 

Dacefloor Filler

Iggy Azalea / Charli XCX – Fancy

Far Out Choice: This makes us weep. With fantastic artists like the recently featured Romare, there must surely be more eye sin the NME office to see past the bleeding fucking obvious. ‘Motherless Child’ has to win.

Best Lyric

Happyness – “I’m wearing Win Butler’s hair/There’s a scalpless singer in a Montreal rock band somewhere.”

Far Out Choice: A funny lyric no doubt but Courtney Barnetts’ recent effort from ‘Pedestrian at Best’ takes the gong for us.

“Put me on a pedestal and I’ll probably disappoint you. Tell me I’m exceptional and I promise to exploit you. Give me all your money and I’ll make some origami, honey.”  – Courtney Barnett

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We know it’s not fun to laugh at the challenged in life. But my god did NME make it easy for us. The inclusion of prehistoric bands such as Kasabian and Foo Fighters shows the neglect they have paid to the upcoming musicians out there at the moment. The musicians who are actually working every day and grafting for a small slice of acknowledgement. The kind of musicians whom would have actually been thankful for the award. Not the kind whom receive royalties on a daily basis and pay more attention to their bank balance then their society. I guess NME are looking out for their own then.

Jack Whatley 

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