The movie that made Nicole Kidman doubt her abilities: “It felt like an out of reach film for me”
Rising to prominence in the mid-1990s, Nicole Kidman is now one of the most coveted stars in Hollywood, frequently appearing in a range of challenging roles as well as ones that allow her to have a little more fun. No matter the project, Kidman can easily adapt, although she has a penchant for playing complex women, often ones who overcome hardship, like a domestic abuse survivor in Big Little Lies or a grieving widow in Birth.
She began her career in Australia, appearing in various comedies and dramas until moving to Hollywood. The latter half of the ‘90s saw Kidman work with acclaimed filmmakers like Jane Campion (Portrait of a Lady), Stanley Kubrick (Eyes Wide Shut), and Gus Van Sant (To Die For), and as the 21st century kicked into gear, her increased experience as an actor allowed her to take on more challenging roles than ever before.
Despite the fact she’d already worked with great directors by the early 2000s, she was still experiencing bouts of imposter syndrome. During the filming of one of her most iconic roles, she found herself doubting her abilities as an actor, even though she ended up earning an Oscar nomination for the part. It was Baz Luhrmann’s Moulin Rouge! that pushed Kidman to her limits, leaving her unsure of whether she was a good enough actor for the musical role.
She played Satine, a courtesan and performer at a cabaret in Paris who falls in love with Ewan McGregor’s Christian. It’s a tragic tale, gorgeously shot and full of musical numbers performed by the actors themselves. Kidman told Entertainment Weekly at the time of filming, “I wasn’t going to do the film unless [Luhrmann] felt that I could do it. And part of that was me testing out my voice to see whether I thought I was gonna be able to do it. Because the last thing I wanted to do was embarrass myself.”
Her performance was incredibly acclaimed, but even over 20 years later, she still looks back on the production and recalls the fear she felt when taking on the role. “We spent almost eight weeks working on the scenes, learning to sing, learning to dance. Basically, it felt like we were in an intense drama school.”
Despite this preparation, she was scared. “When I got the role, I was like, ‘Oh my God, this is amazing. I get to do a musical. And Satine, I love Satine.’ And then, when we started, I was like, ‘I’m not gonna be able to deliver for him.’ Because it was like singing live, and dancing, and on top of all the comedy, and the drama, it was just sort of a… it felt like an out-of-reach film for me.”
Kidman threw herself into the production and the results paid off. She told EW that “I just have faith in Baz,” and this trust and confidence in the filmmaker allowed her to give her all to the role, which has become one of her most well-known and celebrated performances to date, paving the way for her to play many more complex characters.
