The moment that transformed George Michael’s career: “I’m a different person”
When George Michael had a near-death experience in 2009, he felt a sense of gratitude. “If that juggernaut had killed me, I think I’d be perfectly happy with the amount of quality music I have left in the world. My ego is sated,” he had said.
Had the same thing happened around a decade earlier, it’s hard to say whether he’d have had the same reaction. What changed? In short, everything. Michael was intentionally and unknowingly outed in the late 1990s in a public unravelling that probably felt like hell at the time but which came to define his life and career in ways he hadn’t planned for, not just as an openly gay man but as someone who suddenly learned the meaning of living authentically.
But these positive changes were far from immediate. The day after, Michael was subjected to countless vulturistic tabloid headlines, and the song he’d been working on a few days earlier with Mary J Blige (‘As’) was never released. These were repercussions we’d probably think unimaginable today, despite the fact that they still very much exist, and ones that didn’t just affect Michael but every kid who’d ever wondered what it would be like if they just came out.
In all fairness, though, while the singer might’ve borne the brunt of the “scandal” in the moment, he seemed poised for anything, probably because it’s something he’d anticipated his whole life, and experienced glimpses of in his professional environments when particularly heated moments revealed the toxic nature of those sitting beside him. In the lead-up to his public humiliation, he’d already experienced ugliness from those around him, like trusty people calling him slurs, creating situations where he’d learnt well to just exercise good grace.
But despite never actually saying the words, Michael was never really hiding from public view, or, as we’d say now, he wasn’t actually in the closet in the way you might expect. Countless stars don’t really feel the need to announce their sexuality in the flashy, neon billboard sign way that most people regard as a full, flamboyant coming out ritual, and, in many ways, he was exactly the same. His work before 1998 was packed with queer messaging, a subtle nod to fans and himself alike that he existed and he was real.
But afterwards, something undeniably shifted that made him embrace himself in ways he’d likely never anticipated. Suddenly, everything was out in the wide open, and his entire attitude changed, giving off a sense of self-assurance that sort of said, “This has happened, and it’s probably not in the way I’d have liked, but it’s what we’ve got and I’ve dealt with it”.
Or, as he reflected to The Guardian: “What I want now is a little more integration in terms of who I actually am. I’m ten–12 years into life as an out gay man, and I’m a different person.”
What he likely also didn’t anticipate was how much this changed his view of other artists, too. It wasn’t just his own world that changed in every way; it was how he saw the parameters of art changing, and the means others would take to achieve success. In Michael’s view, the industry had moved towards a more pretentious space where it was all about repetition and less about authenticity: “I watch people who are not driven by creativity any more, and I think how dull it must be to produce the same kind of thing. If you don’t feel you’re reaching something new, then don’t do it.”
Thus, it wasn’t about hit records or trying to achieve the same results over and over. If his experience had taught him anything at all, it was that pouring yourself into your work was more vital than ever. But, at that particular juncture, others just weren’t ready for such hard truths. But that kind of hard-earned ego speaks to someone who went through it all, and still managed to look in the face of death and think, if it all ended today, he’s done enough.
