Marlon Brando’s “very serious” plan to host QVC in drag: “This went nowhere”
Marlon Brando was never one to act particularly normal. In fact, he was one of Hollywood’s most eccentric figures, and every story you hear about him, as bizarre as they come, is almost definitely true. He was just wired in a way that only a few stars, perhaps someone like Dennis Hopper, could rival.
Take, for instance, the time when Brando gifted a necklace made out of a human scalp to then-lover Patricia Quinn. That’s certainly not the kind of present you’d expect from someone who wants your affection. Brando was always doing things differently, though, like when he was adamant that he could meditate his way through a circumcision without any pain relief.
Then there were all his major bouts of disdain for others, frequently clashing with co-stars and directors, playing practical jokes on people, and, quite frankly, being really antisocial. Brando might have had the talent to land him roles in the likes of On the Waterfront, A Streetcar Named Desire, and The Godfather, but he wasn’t exactly a people person.
Yet, when a cheque was needed, he’d resort to whatever means necessary, even if that meant appearing on QVC. Famously, you’ve got to be good at chatting to your potential audience if you want to make some sales on the shopping network, but ‘personable’ isn’t exactly the first word that comes to mind when you think of Brando. If I was a producer at QVC, I’d be incredibly paranoid that Brando would just moon the camera or start ranting about how much he hates Burt Reynolds live on air.
It’s a good job that Brando never made his ideas appear on QVC a reality, then. But he did have the ambition to sell some crazy inventions on the channel shortly before he died, and most bizarrely, one of his pitches involved dressing up in drag.
Alice Marchak, Brando’s secretary, once told the Hollywood Reporter, “He called me to discuss products he could sell on QVC. He was looking to generate money, but the products he came up with weren’t viable. He had an idea for an earthquake-proof house and a way to air-condition homes that involved drilling. Things that couldn’t be sold on QVC.”
The money that Brando set aside for his inventions eventually went on to create a DVD that would teach you how to act, but that was never released. Late in his life, Brando really did just give up all attempts of getting his shit together, with one of his last ever performances coming in 2004 with a voice role in the strangely animated Big Bug Man, which was never released, either.
Marchak once elucidated on Brando’s strange QVC pitch, explaining, “It should be noted that Marlon was very serious about this project and had a meeting with a woman from QVC in regard to selling these China silk products. He even committed to personally appearing on camera. Again, as with the acting lessons, he would dress as a woman with a grey wig and hawk his wares. This went nowhere as he never heard from QVC after their meeting.”
So, we never got to see Brando in drag shifting silk or earthquake-proof houses, but it seems like it was for the best. The actor didn’t need to expend any more of his dignity – that’s if he had any left.
