“Sad and pathetic”: Frank Zappa’s brutal takedown of classical music
In theory, Frank Zappa should be the ultimate icon of progressive rock. In fact, I’m sure there are more than a few devotees to the father of the Mothers of Invention who would swear by that statement already. More so than bands like Pink Floyd, King Crimson, or Rush, Zappa actually tried to progress the art of rock ‘n’ roll beyond its accepted forms. Not to mention, doing so long before any of those bands were actually formed.
You see, while Zappa was a devoted fan of rock ‘n’ roll as a kid, that wasn’t the only kind of music he was taking in. He was an omnivore, with 2003’s Rough Guide To Rock noting, “As a teenager, Zappa was simultaneously enthralled by black R&B (Johnny ‘Guitar’ Watson, Guitar Slim), doo-wop (The Channels, The Velvets), and modern composers, such as Igor Stravinsky, Anton Webern and Edgard Varèse.” Unlike other rockers of his generation, Frank Zappa wanted to do more than just replicate the music of his idols; he wanted to combine all of them.
By the time Zappa was in high school, he was playing in garage bands with his peers but also composing for his high school orchestra and taking inspiration from both popular and classical music for. One would assume that, given time, this boundary-breaking attitude to genre would be welcomed by larger musical communities. According to Zappa’s interview with Bill Templeton in 1985, you’d be assuming incorrectly.
When asked whether the classical community is open to what Zappa has to offer, the man seemingly blew a gasket and shot back, “No! As a matter of fact, it’s not open to anything. The classical community, or the serious music world, as I prefer to call it, is a sad and pathetic little antique shop.” These are strong words, to be sure, but the ever-louquacious Zappa is more than willing to back them up.
Why did Frank Zappa hate the world of classical music?
Frank Zappa didn’t just call the whole community “a scam” but the industry as a whole, at its most surface level. He explained, “Most of what gets performed in the United States is music by dead people. And the two big reasons for that are … one, you pay no publishing royalties to a dead person. That helps keep your costs down. Two! The people in the orchestra already learned the dead person’s music when they were in a conservatory, so it makes it a lot easier to rehearse. They already know it.”
This isn’t the issue alone. It combines with the fact that the major draw for classical audiences is the conductors and not the actual pieces of music themselves. According to Zappa, these two key factors mean that no company will ever give a chance to a living conductor, let alone a new one. However, a man as opinionated as he would never let his ire go to the industry alone. He’s also had gallons of bile in store for the audiences.
“Americans have been brainwashed into believing that is what represents musical quality, the timeless musical quality of the cultural world. It’s like, everybody in the serious music world goes, ‘Shhhh, don’t tell anybody, keep it a secret, they’ll never know.’ After all, they believe what they see on MTV, who’s ever going to catch on to this scam?” Frank Zappa, that’s who.
If you squint, you might notice the slight hint of bitterness behind his words here. Only someone who truly loves classical music could be that angered by internal politics corrupting the industry and, as mentioned earlier, Zappa was a fan of Stravinsky and Varèse the way others of his generation were fans of Buddy Holly and Elvis Presley. One can only hope that Zappa had found the open-mindedness he was looking for in the world of rock but with a man that cantakerous, I wouldn’t hold my breath.
