The five worst movie birthday parties
Society dictates that a birthday party is an occasion to be enjoyed, where friends and family get together to celebrate the anniversary of life. For the most part, that’s precisely what it is, but cinema often tends to have other ideas.
Most people have had at least one birthday they try to forget – and in many cases there are several some folks can’t remember depending on how hard they pounded the bevvy – but none of them are comparable to the abject misery, grisly demises, and stomach-turning terror to define the worst filmic offenders.
It covers supernatural horror, psychological thrills, all-time classics, and tales of generational trauma, but the recurring theme is that for better or worse – OK, definitely worse – the following five birthday parties aren’t going to be forgotten in a hurry by the characters who attended them.
Only in the world of movies could putting a party hat on a cat lead to a descent into madness, but that’s why it’s probably best to double-check the guestlist anytime plans are afoot to make a song and dance about getting older.
Five worst movie birthday parties:
5. The Sentinel (Michael Winner, 1977)
On the surface, what’s not to love about seeing this on film? It’s a birthday party! For a cat! And it’s wearing a tiny little party hat and everything! As it turns out, there’s plenty wrong with furry feline Jezebel’s celebration.
Cristina Raines’ Alison Parker appears to be getting nicely ingratiated with her new neighbours, with the eclectic crew including a blind priest, an eccentric old man, and a lesbian couple. It’s an odd bunch, but all that should realistically be put to one side when there’s a cat party to be had.
As it turns out, though, Alison was one of just two attendees at the shindig. Not only that, but everyone else she encountered was the spectral apparition of a dead murderer. Thank you, Michael Winner, for taking the viral possibilities of a cat’s birthday and refitting it into unbridled supernatural terror.
4. The Royal Tenenbaums (Wes Anderson, 2001)
The Wes Anderson dramedy about one of cinema’s most dysfunctional families was never going to approach the humble birthday party from a conventional angle, which only makes the viewer feel profoundly sorry for young Margot.
At the end of her first play being performed, Gene Hackman’s Royal remarks how it “didn’t seem very believable to me”. Furthering his withering assessment, he criticises the severe dearth of characterisation, which to his well-trained eye was nothing more than “a bunch of little kids dressed up in animal costumes”. Which it was, to be fair.
Still, a dejected Margot gets up and gathers all of her presents before exiting the room, leading to one of the most awkward and cringe-inducing renditions of ‘Happy Birthday’ ever committed to celluloid. As Alec Baldwin’s narrator intones, Royal wasn’t a fixture at parties after that.
3. The Omen (Richard Donner, 1976)
Being the son of the devil himself was never going to lend itself too well to the standard ice cream and jelly model of childhood birthday bashes, especially in a horror flick, although young Damien would have been thrilled with what transpired anyway.
Turning five years old and furthering the belief that he’s not the average precocious kid, the status of Gregory Peck’s Robert Thorn as an ambassador ensures that many well-to-do and high society figures are present to see Damien’s nanny launch herself off a balcony with a noose around her neck.
“Look at me, Damien! It’s all for you,” she screams in what’s definitely different from having a clown or guy making balloon animals but undeniably effective in ensuring the Thorn family threw a birthday party they’d never forget.
2. The Birds (Alfred Hitchcock, 1963)
Even at the best of times, having a birthday party in such close proximity to a beach runs the risk of being bombarded by avian interlopers, but Alfred Hitchcock took things to the next level by having his winged warriors cause absolute chaos.
Those damned balloons are like waving a red flag right in front of a bull, with swarms of malevolent birds descending upon what should have been a joyous occasion for Veronica Cartwright’s Cathy Brenner, but instead, one that sees the gulls go wild.
Up until The Birds, the worst-case scenario for anybody was having one of them nick a few chips during a seaside scran when those pesky critters saw an opportunity to strike, but it would be fair to say having hundreds of them going batshit is exponentially worse.
1. Miss Violence (Alexandros Avranas, 2013)
Writer and director Alexandros Avranas’ engrossing yet very difficult to watch psychological thriller kicks off with the inciting incident that informs its entire narrative, and it’s a shocking way to tell viewers from the very first scene that nothing is off-limits.
On the day of her 11th birthday, Chloe Bolota’s Angeliki is enjoying what looks to be a standard family get-together with all of the bells and whistles associated with the big day. At least, until she unexplainably walks right towards the window of her family home, climbs out, and plummets to her death.
It was a startling way for Miss Violence to begin, but given what unfolds throughout the rest of the movie, it’s not even close to being the most harrowing scene in the film.
