The five most underqualified directors in cinema
There are no such things as ‘qualified directors’ in film. Even if you’ve been to the most acclaimed, expensive film school in the land, there is no guarantee you’ll have what it takes to make a movie. Some of the best directors ever got started off their own backs, with nothing but a cheap camera, a good idea, and buckets of confidence.
That being said, there are some people who should never have tried to direct. This list details some of the most ambitious, yet misguided, wannabe filmmakers of all time; people who had absolutely nothing to do with the film industry before trying to take on one of its most demanding jobs.
Driven by necessity, ego, or some combination of the two, these chancers mostly found out the hard way that, whilst film school isn’t for everyone, you should probably have at least some idea of what you’re doing before you shout ‘action’.
Although, as you’re about to find out, not all of them failed. It’s proof that making movies doesn’t always rely on education or formal training, but on knowing what makes audiences tick. A good film can come from anywhere, and sometimes, raw instinct trumps polished technique. Still, for every accidental genius, there’s a dozen clueless hopefuls who bit off far more than they could chew. Cinema is about celebrating the bold, the baffling, and the downright bizarre.
The most underqualified directors in cinema:
Stephen King
Nobody needs to be told how important the works of Stephen King have been to the cinema. He is one of the most adapted writers of all time, having contributed ideas to some of the greatest horror movies ever made. Carrie, Misery, IT, The Shining, all of these twisted tales owe a debt to King’s sadistic brain. Then there are movies like Stand By Me and The Shawshank Redemption, both of which are based on short stories by the author. Unfortunately, none of this means that he was any good at actually making a film.
Maine’s finest had one go at turning one of his own books into a movie. 1986’s Maximum Overdrive, based on a short story called Trucks, is about an event that causes all of the Earth’s machines to come to life and enact revenge on their former masters. He might know how to put a story together on the page, but that skill did not translate whatsoever to the screen. It didn’t help that King was drinking and taking drugs throughout the entire production process, resulting in a finished product that was far from his best.
Berry Gordy Jr
In music circles, names don’t come bigger than Berry Gordy Jr. As the founder of Motown, he had a hand in some of the greatest soul and R’n’B records of the 1960s. He wrote songs for the likes of Jackie Wilson, Etta James, and The Jackson 5, and signed and promoted dozens of other acts who would reshape popular music. One of his most famous clients was Diana Ross, lead singer of The Supremes. Ross and Gordy had been in a relationship and had even had a daughter together, which might explain why he took such a hands-on approach to her extracurricular activities.
In 1975, Ross starred in the romantic drama Mahogany. The film had originally been assigned to Tony Richardson, the Oscar-winning director behind Tom Jones and A Taste of Honey. When Richardson parted ways with the production midway through, Ross’ starring role looked to be in jeopardy. That’s when Berry got involved. The mogul stepped in to direct the film himself, having had zero prior experience behind the camera. He had produced Ross’ previous film, Lady Sings the Blues, but that was it. Did the risk pay off? Well, Mahogany flopped with critics and Gordy never directed again, so what do you think?
Bob Dylan
Many musicians who become actors also think they can direct. Madonna has helmed two pictures, Filth and Wisdom and W.E., both of which weren’t great. Frank Sinatra had a go with None but the Brave, an anti-war co-production between America and Japan. They may not have done great jobs, but at least they had been actors beforehand. Both chart-toppers knew their way around a film set and had some sort of understanding for the process. You know who didn’t have this? Bob Dylan.
In true Dylan style, his singular directorial effort, Renaldo and Clara, is anything but straightforward. The movie combines concert footage and talking heads from the star’s recent ‘Rolling Thunder Revue tour with dramatised renditions of his songs. Dylan and his then-wife, Sara, play the two title characters, whilst the rest of the cast is fleshed out with fellow musicians like Joan Baez and Joni Mitchell, as well as the actor Harry Dean Stanton, famous poet Allen Ginsberg, and various other delightful weirdos. Sadly for ol’ Bobby D, people hated it. Its limited theatrical run was cut short, as cinemas baulked at the picture’s overwhelmingly poor reviews.
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Shane Carruth
The word ‘underqualified’ doesn’t always mean ‘bad’. The glorious thing about film is that everyone can access it. They might not be able to afford the best equipment or cast the actors of their dreams, but with enough determination, anyone can make a movie, even if you have zero background in film. Take Shane Carruth, for example. The South Carolina native initially went to university to study mathematics, working on flight simulation software before pursuing his love of film. With no budget, no training, and no idea how it would turn out, he released his debut feature in 2004, aged just 32.
This was Primer, a complex sci-fi adventure about two friends (Carruth and David Sullivan) who accidentally create a working time machine. Using his scientific background, the director painstakingly researched the real-life mechanics behind his fictional idea, ensuring a level of competency in his dialogue rarely seen before. Despite a budget of just $7,000, the movie caught on, attracting a cult following who were enthralled by Carruth’s attention to detail. Since then, he made a second film, Upstream Color, and produced and starred in a third. His personal life hasn’t always run smoothly, but Carruth’s professional ventures are to be admired.
Michael Flatley
To most people, if not everyone, Michael Flatley is the man behind Riverdance. The best-known Irish dancer since… umm… never mind… Flatley became a massive celebrity off the strength of his fancy footwork, securing quite the legacy as the global face of an entire entertainment branch. And then he got bored. Across his life, the US-born star has tried his hand at a number of other pursuits. Painting, writing, even launching a food and drink business, but none of these can compare to his incredible, ill-judged debut feature, Blackbird.
Starring Flatley as Victor ‘Blackbird’ Blackley, the movie centres on this retired spy who, after being dragged out of a cushy retirement, goes back into the field for one final mission. Naturally, the movie makes Flatley look like a demigod, as he takes down hordes of bad guys single-handedly and basks in the adulation of everyone who knows him. One of the most flagrant vanity projects of all time, Blackbird was rightly torn to pieces by critics, who heralded it as one of the worst films in the art form’s history. Considering Flatley had never even been involved in cinema up to this point, this isn’t exactly a surprise. Should have stuck to the dancing.
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