Exploring Fiona Apple’s greatest opening lyric
For those who have been fortunate enough to be hit by a Fiona Apple record, your senses knocked out and your concept of poetry permanently altered, we know the weight that is carried in her pen and vocals.
Apple feels like the most popular best-kept secret. Her brilliance is no secret at all: her debut album, 1996’s Tidal, was critically acclaimed and widely adored, thrusting the then-18-year-old into the spotlight.
Though scrutinised under the usual cruel lens placed on young women in music, given that she was called both too pretty and not pretty enough, too thin, too angry and certainly too poetic to have written those lyrics herself, Apple, naturally tactful, showed no signs of waning. Proving steadfast in her writing and music, no amount of criticism would take away from her talents. She wrote with a quality of someone who had lived multiple lives before her current one, dissecting her mind through a magnifying glass for us all to see and, in turn, perhaps find glimpses of ourselves, too.
The “secret” element comes through here. Apple feels at once wholly relatable and deeply personal. Listening to her music, her tales of heartbreak, revenge, abandonment and loneliness reflect a life that we all could lead. Exposing the darker sides of herself and, most importantly, having the courage to write them all into songs, turned Apple’s anger into a gift.
Writing, then, became her sole outlet, done not just as a means of expression but as a necessary therapy. Her songs came to soundtrack generations of listeners who identified with her willingness to be vulnerable but also her ability to weaponise her pen against those who dared to wrong her.
Where Tidal collected a teenager’s endurance of love, hurt and loss, her second album, 1999’s When The Pawn…, echoes the same themes with a matured glare. In full, the album’s title is a poem Apple wrote in response to negative reactions from Spin readers to a cover story about her. Apple’s self-awareness has always been staggering, but across this album, she captivates the listener in a confrontation with herself.
Rather than running away from her traumas, she appears armed and ready to face them. ‘Paper Bag’ laments hopeful dreams crashing down into reality in the form of thrown-away trash. ‘Get Gone’ hears Apple finally coming into her own self-worth, defiantly raging against a soul-sucking past relationship and her ex’s leeching off her. ‘A Mistake’ openly details her return to old, damaging habits, in the face of people’s expectations of her. Each song that comprises When The Pawn… suggests that life’s poetics do not all have to be fanciful; they can be equally heart-wrenching, even shameful, but to be sung with an empowered drive is perhaps the greatest form of reckoning.
One song on the album begins with what may be Apple’s greatest opening lyric: ‘To Your Love’. With a sinister piano and the march of a drum beat behind her, Apple sings, “Here’s another speech you wish I’d swallow”. This line forms the nexus of When The Pawn…, addressing her lover with an all-knowing scorn that suggests this is not the first time she has been scolded for speaking her mind. The wish for Apple to swallow her tongue, her words, her pride, is heard but not reciprocated. In this instance, her art mimics her reality. In the aftermath of Tidal’s release, her open criticism of the media and its all-consuming presence resulted in them turning on her, and would begin a fraught relationship between the two that continues today.
Thus, ‘To Your Love’s opening line can be read to address not just her lover’s but also the public’s view of her opinions. But this does not deter her: as she tunes her anger to absolve her lover of blame, her lens turns towards herself. The song continues to form a haunting view of Apple through her own eyes, as she grapples with her self-inflicted cruelty. Lines like, “Don’t be down, my demeanor tends to disappoint”, and “The shame is manifest in my resistance to your love” show the critical eye she perceives herself with and the need to be understood and forgiven by her lover.
‘To Your Love’ bares Apple’s soul, in all of its complexity. Where most would shy away from revealing qualities that could be deemed less desirable in the eyes of another, Apple considers them as parts of her whole being.
As with all of her work, she encapsulates the human experience with a raw, unflinching tone, ensuring that no word will ever be swallowed.
