‘California’: Joni Mitchell’s greatest confession
“Will you take me as I am?” Joni Mitchell asks towards the end of ‘California’. “Will you?” she offers to no one in particular, asking anyone who’s listening to think about their own imperfections, almost like a fleeting thought and nothing more. We can go deeper if we wish, but for now, it’s there, lingering in the distance like a direct pass to spiritual freedom. In this scenario, resolution doesn’t exist, nor do beginnings or endings. Life is constant. And always flawed.
Throughout Mitchell’s life, she has constantly reminded us of the meaninglessness of looking for easy explanations or checkboxes. One of the main reasons she is often regarded as a storyteller in her own league is that she lingers in the ambiguities of life, revelling in their unease and finding comfort in never knowing the answers to anything, even if these revelations are painful to face head-on.
In ‘California’, this theme is explored with unflinching honesty. Rather than reflecting on her journey with vague conclusions about what it all means, Mitchell leans into her own ignorance using her attachment to her cherished California and finding herself across Europe, and what homesickness meant to someone whose heart never truly belonged anywhere.
Along the way, she realises that her desires become clearer wherever they feel the most out of place, when realisations come in the haze of feeling lost and alone. Most of Mitchell’s life has centred around uncertainty and re-discovery, and ‘California’ sees Mitchell realising exactly who she is because of how much she misses home. “Oh, it gets so lonely when you’re walking, and the streets are full of strangers,” she sings with dreamlike longing, wishing to be somewhere where the people seek connection.
And, at the height of it all, this reveals her biggest confession yet. “Sitting in a park in Paris, France, reading the news, and it sure looks bad,” she sings in the opening line. “They won’t give peace a chance. That was just a dream some of us had.” The painful truth here is that, through the lens of nostalgia, Mitchell knows she’ll never have the answers, and she revels in its quiet intimacy, even if it unsettles her deep down.
Perhaps the most poignant aspect of the song isn’t the lyrics, or Mitchell’s homesickness, for that matter. Perhaps it’s the way she revels in only what she knows to be true, much like how most of life becomes defined by the good or the bad, without much space for anything in between. In ‘California’, Mitchell’s life lingers in the middle, celebrating the bittersweetness of yearning while also wishing it away.
As a result, her antics in Laurel Canyon, existing and learning and living alongside her peers David Crosby, Stephen Stills, Graham Nash, and Cass Elliot, become a reflection of complex euphoria. Through her own alienation, Mitchell entertains a more peaceful resignation, the way a woman might peer out over a city late at night, armed with a guitar and a head full of thoughts. Comfortable in the discomfort of being an outlier.
And yet, she dreams of being elsewhere, with a longing so intense she might even “kiss a Sunset pig” when she gets there. Deep down, however, the daydream far surpasses the reality. In this world, her heart and mind will forever be coasting along against the soft tides of something just out of reach. Rather than seeking answers, her solitude remains connected to her displacement. And here, she thrives, forever in a state of impermanence. That is Mitchell’s truest revelation.
