Summer festivals are back, baby! Allegedly. After nearly two years of social distancing and shockingly little progress, organisers are simply throwing caution to the wind and opening back up to rake in those sweet profits from folks who are OK not showering for days on end. Probably. Get ready for fun in the sun, loud music, and almost nobody wearing a mask in the heat. Most likely.
Did you see all those caveats in the last paragraph? Well, that should tip you off to the scepticism that follows this news: Billie Eilish is reportedly set headline Coachella 2022. That’s according to TMZ, who are actually surprisingly good at calling these kinds of things.
Now, if Coachella 2022 does end up happening, I would not be shocked in the slightest if Eilish is tapped to be the headliner. That makes perfect sense. The trepidation comes from whether Coachella is even going to happen at all. The last two years of the festival had to be called off thanks to Covid-19, and with the rising wave of the Omicron variant unlikely to subside any time soon (Covid cases proliferate in more extreme weather conditions), it would almost certainly be a safer choice to once again put a pause on the festival.
But that plan isn’t copacetic with the fat wads of cash that Coachella brings in. After two years away, it seems unlikely that Coachella, which is organised by the multi-billion dollar company Anschutz Entertainment Group, could possibly survive another year away. Just kidding: AEG has about $6 billion to their name, enough money to put Coachella on ice permanently if they wanted to.
Anyway, the headlining spot truly is Eilish’s to lose. It was rumoured to be going to 2020 co-headliner Travis Scott a few months ago, but since the Astroworld tragedy, he’s become persona non grata when it comes to festivals. Other 2020 co-headliners Rage Against the Machine have reportedly pulled out of negotiations, and the final 2020 co-headliner, Frank Ocean, has already been scheduled for the 2023 edition of the festival. Nobody in music is bigger than Eilish, so it seems like a win-win-win all around. Well, except for national well being and health of festival-goers. But who cares about those
dollar signs valued customers anyway?