A love letter to ‘Fleabag’ and how it changed my life
Without sounding too downbeat or being seen as victims, but sometimes existing as women in today’s world doesn’t give you a lot to laugh about.
Yet sometimes, a female character comes along on screen and slaps you right in the face, at least in a metaphorical way, to remind you that all hope is not lost. Phoebe Waller-Bridge captured that precise and essential need with Fleabag. Without exaggeration, it’s a show that materially changed the TV landscape forever.
In discussions about the series, it’s easy to start off with talking about the style of comedy and dialogue in itself that makes it immediately so recognisable and captivating. It’s such a simple trick, directly addressing the audience and breaking the fourth wall, but from the first second that the character of Fleabag turns her head for an aside, you become instantly attuned to her.
That sense of intimacy is just the catalyst for a far deeper conversation, though. It’s all too common that shows centring women are focused steadfastly on the male gaze, reducing female characters, as well as their wider representation in society, to say that their lives are only worth purpose in strictly romantic or sexual prisms.
Let’s not sugarcoat it: Fleabag still does plenty of that. Between her dating mishaps that take up the premise of series one to the pivotal arrival of the Hot Priest in series two, that is the ultimate heart of the show’s plot, if you needed to put it in a nutshell. But it’s all the flesh that surrounds those bones, the friendship, the weird family, the work, the deceit, the betrayal, that’s really far more interesting.
To give one of the more overt but powerful examples, in the second episode of the first series, when Fleabag steps on the train and sees people dissociating around her, breaking out into episodes of insanity in time to the music, she then explains the scene by declaring that she’s due for her period.
Or the opener to the second series, where she has to help her sister Claire through a miscarriage in a restaurant bathroom amid the backdrop of a chaotic family dinner. But that’s the operative word, chaos, which Fleabag brings to the table. It’s not just that the show is forthright about women’s health issues in small snatches; it’s honest about women’s lives as a whole, and yes, that means the ugly moments too.
Of course, the character is an extreme example, but by admitting her flaws, the bad ways in which she has treated people, and the fact that she’s openly traded five years of her life to drop a dress size, is truly refreshing when you’re sick of being positive. It sounds so basic when you see it written down in words, but seeing a woman being imperfect, indulging in things that she shouldn’t, having messy moments and generally not always being the best person ironically sets a precedent.
That’s not just for those in their 20s and 30s, as she is, but it hits home for women and girls, both young and old, as a manifestation of the type of person they will actually come to be, rather than what society expects them to.
Of course, it undeniably helps that this is all done with the heaviest possible dose of sarcasm and humour, but for every time you’ve ever done a walk of shame in the street with your mascara smudged and hair in a mess, there she is as the figurative reminder that everyone else has also been there too.
The fact that Fleabag is never named creates the impression that she could be anyone: me, you, your friends, your mum, your elderly neighbour, the random woman you see in the corner shop on a Sunday morning. Sometimes the veil is more sturdy than others, but she shows that anyone is just inches away from letting their weirdest, most unhinged self slip.
The show came about in a time when social media was booming, but not in the cesspit manner it is now. In a lot of ways, it should be required watching for anyone vulnerable to being sucked in by trends, algorithms, and picture-perfect images. Life can be brutal, complex, and not always easy, and Fleabag’s world is hardly the highly curated Instagram reel.
This is the point I keep returning to in all of this. There is laughter, there is absurdity, there is the downright shocking, but at its heart, Fleabag is a show about a woman just trying to make sense of an ever-changing and confusing world. In that respect, there is nothing more universal, and it’s not always about getting things right, it’s about how you deal with the mess created along the way.
