From Madonna to U2: The 10 worst opening lines in songs
Some artists may not realise it, but a song’s first line carries significant weight. It provides listeners with insight into the track’s theme and the level of craftsmanship invested in its composition. Many listeners have been intrigued by a song’s introduction, only to be turned off as soon as the first line is sung if it doesn’t meet their expectations in terms of quality.
But what makes a bad opening line? There are a few things that can contribute towards one. The first is a complete lack of effort. If people have rhymed the same word or the track has a blasé approach to the words that make it up, it feels like the songwriter hasn’t put any time into putting the song together, and as such, as a listener, we don’t feel like it deserves our attention.
Secondly, if the opening line is offensive or vulgar, the music we listen to is an extension of ourselves, and as such, we tend to listen to songs that we can connect with. If a line is grotesque in its imagery or portrays an ideal that the listener doesn’t identify with, people have no difficulty switching the song straight off.
Lastly, if a line is trying too hard to achieve something and doesn’t pull it off. It’s commendable when a creative puts everything they have into their work; however, if they miss the mark and end up writing a line that makes your skin crawl, it can be difficult to keep listening.
This list will look at examples of all of the above as we dissect some of the worst opening lines ever written.
The 10 worst opening lines ever written:
‘Give Me Everything’ – Pitbull
“Me not working hard / yeah right picture that with a Kodak / or better yet go to times square / and take a picture of me with a Kodak”.
Pitbull is the musical equivalent of a solar eclipse, something you can’t look at but struggle to turn away from. Multiple examples of his songs have failed to hit the mark lyrically, but his opening line on ‘Give Me Everything’ has to take the top spot of the worst line he’s ever written.
The complete lack of an attempt to make the lines even remotely rhyme is hilarious in its apathy. It sounds like Pitbull was sent the track on the day it needed to be released, saw some people using cameras, and used it as a lightbulb moment. The result is an opening lyric that is infamous for its lack of creativity and one of the worst opening lines ever written.
‘Animal Instinct’ – The Cranberries
“Suddenly something has happened to me / as I was having my cup of tea / suddenly I was feeling depressed / I was utterly and totally stressed”.
The Cranberries are a famous and well-loved band; however, they have never been massively praised for their creativity when it comes to lyrics. Even tracks like their hit ‘Zombie’ have repetitive lines that, if not for the poignancy of their themes, would likely fall by the wayside.
‘Animal Instinct’ is no different as it reads like a poem from a child who has had a bad day. The rhyming scheme and the loose link between words in the hope of rhythm are some of the most cringeworthy on this list. The truth is, the band have never been good with lyrics, and subsequently, it can be incredibly annoying if you get one of their songs stuck in your head, in your head, in your head…
‘Bad’ – Michael Jackson
“Your butt is mine / gonna take you right”.
Michael Jackson was responsible for some of the best songs ever written, and ‘Bad’ is no exception. His vocal delivery is off the scale, the song’s rhythm is unbelievable, and its overall catchiness is something to be admired. All of that is even more impressive when you think of the hurdle the song makes for itself with such a terrible opening line.
It’s challenging to know what the King of Pop was thinking when he wrote the line, “Your butt is mine,” it’s also difficult to know what he is trying to say. Is it supposed to be alluring? Threatening? Who knows. Only one thing is certain: it’s bad.
‘Firework’ – Katy Perry
“Do you ever feel / like a plastic bag / drifting through the wind / wanting to start again”.
This level of poetry is too profound and abstract for even the greatest wordsmiths to decipher. The imagery of a plastic bag floating in the wind, despite being basic, at least makes sense; however, it’s never clear when this extended metaphor stops. The result is a confusing opening lyric that implies the plastic bag in question has sentience.
This is an exception to the general rule that poor opening lines will make people turn away from songs. Despite this awful opener, Katy Perry’s ‘Firework’ is one of the biggest tracks on the planet, to the point that anybody who hears those first couple of lines will immediately recognise the song.
‘I Love New York’ – Madonna
“I don’t like cities / but I like New York / other places / make me feel like a dork”.
Staying on the theme of pop stars, Madonna massively under-delivers with this haphazard and lazy rhyming structure. Of all the excellent lines written about New York, this isn’t one of them, as the basic link between the words ‘York’ and ‘Dork’ is so uninspired they barely deserve the time taken to ponder them.
Again, Madonna is an excellent example of someone who has written tremendous music in the past and has had some masterstrokes in lyricism, but ‘I Love New York’ is better left alone. If you want to listen to Madonna, it is strongly suggested you look elsewhere in her catalogue.
‘Vertigo’ – U2
“Uno, dos, tres, catorce”.
Of all of U2’s songs, ‘Vertigo’ is one of the most upbeat, recognisable and infectious. The track starts with a drumbeat, and Bono’s reverb-heavy vocals count in, leading into the track. It’s a great way to kick things off and get everybody into the swing of the song… until you listen back.
Bono says when counting in the song, “Uno, dos, tres, catorce”. When translated, it’s revealed that Bono has missed ten numbers when counting, as “Catorce” translates to 14, not four. While it’s not the worst opening line ever, the poor math displayed by a singer who has only ever had to worry about counting to two distracts from the rest of the tune.
‘My Humps’ – Black Eyed Peas
“What you gon do with all that junk? / all that junk inside yo trunk?”
Black Eyed Peas is a band that gets by on melody over lyrical ability. They can work with a rhythm that makes people want to get up and dance, regardless of what they’re dancing to, which is just as well, given the lyrics on display are some of the most subpar that have ever been committed to a record.
To understand the lines in ‘My Humps’, we need to try and understand Will.I.Am, and that’s something that just seems impossible. His dress sense, demeanour and attitude towards music are complete anomalies, and this song is an extension of the same. That being said, bad lyrics or not, it makes for a compelling listen.
‘Give It Away’ – Red Hot Chili Peppers
“What I’ve got, you’ve got to give it to your mama / what I’ve got, you’ve got to give it to your papa / what I’ve got, you’ve got to give it to your daughter / you do a little dance and then you drink a little water”.
It’s been 15 years since this song came out and we still have no idea what the hell Anthony Kiedis is on about. The sexual nature of the lyrics implies that what he’s got is his penis, but the idea that it should be shared around the listener’s family in some strange incestual orgy before a quick break to hydrate is off-putting and makes for a questionable listen.
Again, this track puts melody over its lyricism, and the words do a great job of sounding exciting and catchy. However, when you read what is being said, this is arguably one of the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ most uninspiring songs, as the lyrics seem to have been thumbed in with no real intention to make anything that rhymes remotely listenable.
‘Norgaard’ – The Vaccines
“Great danes cheekbones / teenage hormones”.
Norgaard is a creepy track. The catchy 90-second number from The Vaccine’s debut album shows the band singing about a young girl they’re falling for despite her immaturity. They go into extreme detail when describing her, and given the song’s theme, all of those descriptions are pretty uncomfortable to listen to.
The track is from the LP What Did You Expect from The Vaccines? And the answer to that question is: Not sure, but certainly not this.
‘Doja’ – Central Cee
“How can I be homophobic? / my bitch is gay”.
It’s the most recent song on this list with the most out-of-date lyrics. The track ‘Doja’ was subject to controversy the moment it was released, but the divisive nature of its words only led to the track gaining traction and becoming extremely popular.
Despite the homophobic opening lines, the song currently sits at 634,357,084 listens on Spotify. It just goes to show that despite the importance of the opening line of a song, people are often happy to dismiss what was said if they like the rest of the tune.
