10 iconic moments that should never be in kids movies
Most parents taking their children to the movies are looking for some lighthearted entertainment. Although there might be some uncomfortable moments every now and again in kid’s films, the core of every story should be some wholesome entertainment that will keep young children quiet for a few hours. The PG rating exists for a reason, though, and these adult moments in classics like Shrek weren’t designed for the ten-year-olds in the audience.
From jokes about sex to the greater meanings of life, each one of these jokes flew over most kids’ heads and enraged parents. Although some of these may have been a bit of tongue-in-cheek humour on the part of the writers, it makes for an awkward situation when the adults are laughing in a kid’s film, and the children are scratching their heads.
Even a media giant like Disney isn’t safe from putting a bit of smut into their movies, creating scenarios that aren’t the most politically correct. With a greater deal of hindsight, a lot of those kids who saw these movies in the theatre watched these back and picked out some of the most questionable moments that they didn’t get the first time around.
There are always going to be a handful of jokes that don’t land in kid’s films, but for these lines, it’s not because they aren’t funny. Despite their wholesome image on the silver screen, these were the jokes that most kids needed to grow into.
10 iconic moments that should not be in kids movies
“They’re bound to notice” – Mulan (Tony Bancroft, Barry Cook, 1998)
As the Disney renaissance got started, Mulan was one of the outliers. While not too far removed from other classics like Beauty and the Beast and The Lion King, a tale of a woman risking her life and social stature by posing as a soldier was far more progressive than what the House of Mouse had been accustomed to. That’s not to say things couldn’t get a little awkward too.
When Mulan has to disguise herself as a man, she has to bathe in a lake when a bunch of her soldier buddies come to join her. While her sidekick Mushu is off to the side, he rushes to the rescue, telling his bug friend, “There are some things that I’m sure they’re bound to notice”. Though Mushu’s funny voice might give it a pass, it’s not hard for some adults to put two and two together about having a naked woman in a lake with naked men.
Granted, some of this might have to do with casting Eddie Murphy as Mushu. Given his style of raunchy humour and his later turn as Donkey in the Shrek franchise, it’s highly likely that Murphy’s voice can conjure up something suggestive without even trying.
“Sugar Honey Iced Tea” – Madagascar (Eric Darnell, Tom McGrath, 2005)
In the mid-’00s, Dreamworks was slowly starting to overtake Disney as one of the leaders in children’s entertainment. After Shrek blew the doors wide open, movies like Bee Movie and Madagascar set the bar for what the studio had to offer, with equally wholesome stories about being comfortable in one’s own skin. While Madagascar plays out like a fish out of water narrative, the lovable zebra Marty had a bit of a potty mouth on him.
After wanting to see the world, Marty and his pals get thrown in crates and end up in Madagascar. Once they are let out of the cages, Marty’s lion friend Alex comes over to hug him to the tune of Chariots of Fire. While Marty is happy, it’s clear Alex is pissed as he starts running towards him in anger.
As Marty runs away, his exclamation of “sugar honey iced tea” may have just seemed like a mindless interjection from the crew. Once the adults in the audience looked at the letters of each of those words, it was clear that Marty clearly wanted to say something else, but remembered he was in a kid’s movie.
Honeymoon sex – Aladdin and the King of Thieves (Tad Stones, 1996)
For any ‘90s kid, Aladdin has been engrained in their childhoods. At the same time, the story of a rags-to-riches street rat may have fit in with the fairy tale aspect of Disney, but the inclusion of Robin Williams as The Genie sealed the deal, where he was free to flex his improvisational muscles. When Williams signed on for the sequel King of Thieves, he went off-script a bit too much.
As Aladdin is preparing to marry Princess Jasmine, the new threat of the film comes storming in, with ominous earthquakes happening during the ceremony. Used as a throwaway joke, Genie wonders aloud, “I thought the earth wasn’t supposed to move until the honeymoon”. Not only is this a sly sex joke, but it also begs even more questions about The Genie’s anatomy.
We are led to believe that this spiritual being has been around for thousands of years with cosmic power, so how does his knowledge of human sexual intercourse work? Genie might have been prone to saying some strange things every now and again, but in between his impressions of pop culture icons is a horny man looking to see Aladdin get laid.
Suicidal man – The Incredibles (Brad Bird, 2004)
The new standard for Disney films wouldn’t have been complete without Pixar. After the roaring success of movies like Toy Story and A Bug’s Life, the computerised version of cartoons offered a new avenue for Disney entertainment. Although The Incredibles might still be one of the biggest Pixar successes, there’s a good chance parents could get just as much out of the movie as children.
Despite having Samuel L. Jackson trying desperately hard not to swear in a PG movie, the story gets complicated when Mr. Incredible saves the life of a man who’s falling from atop a large building. After catching him in midair and breaking some of the man’s bones, Mr. Incredible is sued when the man says he didn’t want to be saved. So yes, in between the wholesome entertainment was a suicide-based plotline.
Granted, there were much more macabre moments to follow in the rest of the movie, including Mr. Incredible finding the corpse of another superhero and using his dead body as cover from one of Syndrome’s drones. There are enough stupid jokes in here for kids to appreciate, but The Incredibles also had some existential questions on its mind.
Size doesn’t matter – Frozen (Jennifer Lee, Chris Buck, 2013)
Anyone who has been in the presence of a toddler or small child over the past decade has had enough of Frozen. Although the animated marvel made for one of the greatest film soundtracks from Disney in a while, the legacy of ‘Let It Go’ has most likely driven many a soccer mom crazy when taking their kids to school. While Elsa may have had her spiritual journey on her own, Anna’s mission to find her sister led to some tough questions.
After being swept away by her wealthy husband-to-be Hans, she ends up joining Kristoff on an adventure through the dark tundra to find her sister. When Kristoff asks Anna about how committed she is to her relationship with Hans, he asks if she knows any details about him, including his shoe size.
In one of the slyest moves in a kid’s film, Anna briefly says that size doesn’t matter before immediately transitioning to the next question. Much of the adult humour tends to be downplayed in kid’s movies, but this is one of the ‘blink or you’ll miss it’ jokes that may have gotten a few raised eyebrows from parents.
Buzz Lightyear’s erect wings – Toy Story 2 (John Lasseter, 1999)
In the long history of movie-making, the sequel is hardly ever as good as the original. Although there have been many exceptions to the rule, Toy Story 2 has remained a favourite among fans for decades, continuing the story of Woody and his pals as he almost gets sold by an antique toy salesman Al. Just as the movie is wrapping up, Woody introduces his new friends Jesse, Bullseye, and Buzz Lightyear gets a bit too overeager.
While Lightyear has been known as the daredevil back in Andy’s room, he attempts to flirt with Jesse towards the end of the movie before she does some stunts of her own. After taking the compliment, Jesse recreates one of Lightyear’s famous races on her own, leaving Lightyear with his jaw on the floor.
Leaving an image of Lightyear would have been one thing, but he apparently gets too excited that his wings shoot out without him knowing it. Kids might laugh and think that it’s just a visual gag, but not much great kid’s movies can slip an erection joke into the final seconds of the film.
Kronk’s convenient tent – Emperor’s New Groove (Mark Dindal, 2000)
Emperor’s New Groove might be one of the most underrated movies of Disney’s ‘90s era. Although the idea of a buddy-road trip movie might have been too safe for Disney, Kuzco and Patcha’s wild adventure to get back to a palace is a roaring good time. Outside of Kuzco and PAtcha’s relationship, the evil sidekick Kronk steals the show in every scene, even when he’s sleeping.
After Kuzco and Patcha disguise themselves in a diner where Kronk is cooking, Kronk returns to Yzma when he puts the pieces together that he was fooled. When he goes into Yzma’s lavish tent to warn her, fans pay attention to the size of Kronk’s tent. Given the fact that Kronk’s tent is minuscule, the punchline was supposed to be about how extravagant his boss’s tent is, but make sure to look at where it’s placed.
As Kronk rests, his tent is set up directly over his crotch, which was the animators’ smooth way of making a ‘pitching a tent’ joke into their movie. Granted, since Kronk didn’t have much of a tent to work within the shot, he’s smart to preserve his most delicate area when alone in the woods.
Steve Buscemi’s existential crisis – Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams (Robert Rodriguez, 2002)
One thing to know about Robert Rodriguez is that he does whatever the hell he wants. From his turn to graphic novels in Sin City to the Spy Kids, his singular style of filmmaking has made for visual acid trips when watching them for the first time. In his sequel to the first Spy Kids film, he made us get existential way before most kids were ready to ask those questions.
When meeting Steve Buscemi’s character towards the middle of the movie, he starts to mention how extravagant some of her creations have gotten on his island. While it’s supposed to be a gripping monologue, he drops a jewel towards the end by saying, “Do you think God doesn’t return to Earth as he lives in fear of what he’s created?”.
Oh, I’m sorry if the audience wasn’t ready for that existential thought, but the writers of this movie didn’t care. Although Buscemi’s character tends to be spiritually broken throughout most of the film, this nihilistic view on reality was a much more serious topic for an audience who might still be in diapers.
Compensating for something – Shrek (Vicky Jenson, Andrew Adamson, 2001)
As Dreamworks was finding its feet, Shrek was the movie that paid off in dividends. After having a few rough starts with movies like Ants, Mike Myers’s lovable ogre has created entire franchises, a slew of great catchphrases, and an endless well of memes for the Internet to draw from. Then again, the reason why the Internet loves Shrek is that a majority of his movies aren’t meant for kids.
In the first film, Shrek is given a task by Lord Farquaad to rescue Princess Fiona from a castle, which he begrudgingly accepts. Never mind the fact that the royal’s name is just a child-friendly way of saying ‘f*ck-wad’, Shrek also comes down on how well-endowed he is when visiting the city of Duloc.
Upon arrival with Donkey, he looks at the huge pillars and marble landscapes across the town which comes to a statue of Farquaad. Seeing all of the accolades, Shrek wonders aloud if the royal is compensating for something, which is made a little more kid-friendly when they see Farquaad’s short stature. He may have been compensating for his vertical imbalance, but every adult who saw this movie on release day thought of something very different.
Everything about the chocolate river ride – Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (Mel Stuart, 1971)
Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory remains one of the most essential children’s movies of all time. Spanning around Charlie’s trip to Wonka’s magical factory, the charm of Gene Wilder’s performance as Wonka hasn’t dulled a bit since the movie’s release. But that’s going to be put on pause the minute that Charlie’s tour enters the tunnel on a boat.
As the gang make their way through a chocolate river on their boat, Wonka changes his tone from playful to sinister, saying that there’s danger growing as the lights go down. In between flashes of psychedelic lights, Wonka’s tone becomes more unhinged before screaming at the end of his speech.
While the lights were meant to be psychedelic for the time, there are also some disturbing images riddled in the background, including footage of chickens getting their heads cut off. And when the audience is at their wit’s end, the rest of the movie plays out as if nothing happened. Charlie may have been the most pure-hearted out of all the children there, but did he really need to be subjected to an acid-fueled nightmare on his tour?
