Why does everyone hate Coldplay?
“People like Coldplay and voted for the Nazis, you can’t trust people,” says Super Hans in one of his most pertinent Peep Show lines. While the show and character are fictional, there’s something incredibly resonant about this baffling account from the crack-addled maniac. Beneath his comedic declaration of humanity’s inherent evil, Hans supplied another truth: They might be a global leviathan, but masses of music fans loathe Chris Martin and his band making them one of the most divisive bands ever.
The quartet have sold over 100 million albums worldwide, qualifying them as one of the best-selling acts of all time. With three of the 50 best-selling albums in the UK and two of the 15 highest-grossing tours in history to their name, this group of former UCL students wrote themselves into the history books long ago, winning many accolades for their efforts after a very short stint as alternative darlings.
Frontman Chris Martin and guitarist Jonny Buckland met during orientation week at UCL in September 1996. They started writing songs early the following year. Soon after bassist Guy Berryman joined, and after recording various demos as Big Fat Noises without a drummer, in 1998, Will Champion got behind the kit after a no-show led him to give the position “a go”. This completed the lineup that is still in place today.
Not long after Champion joined, the band played their first show as Starfish in January 1998, and only weeks later, they settled upon the name Coldplay. In May of that year, they independently released the EP Safety, which was financed by Martin’s lifelong friend, Phil Harvey, who would become their manager and official fifth member.
After making waves, Coldplay signed to the famous home of The Beatles, Parlophone, in 1999 and released their debut album, Parachutes, in 2000. Producing their breakthrough hit ‘Yellow’ it won ‘British Album of the Year’ and Grammy for ‘Best Alternative Music Album’. The 2002 follow-up A Rush of Blood to the Head earned the same accolades, which was then followed by 2005’s X&Y, completing a trilogy. While Coldplay were massive at this point, 2008’s Viva la Vida took them to new searing heights, with the hit title track simultaneously topping the Billboard Hot 100 and UK Singles Chart, the first to do so this century.
Since then, Coldplay have continued to earn widespread acclaim and fill stadia worldwide with albums such as 2011’s Mylo Xyloto, 2014’s Ghost Stories and 2021’s Music of the Spheres. Continuing to expand and develop their sound with each release, their oeuvre has touched on an array of genres from indie rock to electronica, gospel and prog. Not just a band either, Coldplay are also noted for their committed philanthropy and activism, famously donating 10% of profits to charity.
Whether it be their independent origins, artistic development or their dedication to righteous causes, on the face of it, this all sounds like the work of indisputable legends. However, Coldplay also hold the accolade for being one of the most polarising groups of all time. Self-proclaimed music aficionados like Super Hans cannot stand them. But why?
So why is Coldplay hated?
To use another apt Peep Show quote, this time from the conniving main character, Mark Corrigan, there are “Myriad factors” for such a state of play. Yet, the widespread hatred from those not packing into stadiums to see Martin prance across the stage and the band’s famously dazzling productions seems to materialise from a similar space as the flak that U2 have encountered for years, with their frontman also the object of the ire. Bland, cringe and cliché are three charges stacked against them. In short, they were simply pleasing and soft enough to be an easy punching bag.
While Coldplay are immensely successful and have earned praise for their extra-musical efforts, they have faced hatred nearly from the onset. Much of this can be traced to that strange, vanilla time for guitar music at the dawn of the new millennium when the ghost of Britpop still abounded, and music and culture were awaiting the reset that The Strokes brought in 2001.
In 2000, one of the great tastemakers of the previous decade, Creation Records head Alan McGee described Coldplay as “bedwetters music,” a tag which would rightly be extended to associated bland rock acts such as Snow Patrol, Athlete and Keane. In a show of the meritorious, singular attitude that would paradoxically earn Coldplay such hatred as the years wore on, Buckland replied to this comment by saying: “We are trying to be who we are, [you know]. But that’s about it. Pretending to be ‘a bit mad’ would just be sad”.
While Buckland and the band have been right to chart their own path, comments such as “‘a bit mad'” really typify the group’s status as the Mark Pougatch of rock. It is precisely this kind of middle-class inoffensiveness that has earned them tank loads of bile from sneering hipsters looking for something more full-bodied and artistically viable over the years. Furthermore, although they have continued to develop with every release, their perceived formula and Martin’s regularly middle-of-the-road lyrics – despite his accomplished singing – have also contributed to this status.
You only have to look at moments such as the entirety of ‘Yellow’ and ‘Clocks’, as well as later efforts such as ‘Every Teardrop is a Waterfall’ to see that this is true. Chris Martin has never offended anyone with the essence of his work, apart from it being unrelentingly safe. Lyrics such as the comically meta, “I came along / I wrote a song for you / And all the things you do / And it was called Yellow,” outline the dreariness many detractors detect in their work. It’s not yellow, but beige.
Of course, Martin and the rest of the band are exceptional songwriters, with their simple but effective melodies weaving into the hearts and minds of the masses. Nevertheless, his lyrics and the group’s markedly whitebread essence, despite how well their kaleidoscopic shows might flatter to deceive, in tandem with his public persona, have created a group that people love to hate. In fact, you can’t help feel like this angle has also been amplified by the fact that the somewhat zany frontman leans into it and laughs at himself, opening the floodgates for others to do the same. He even called his own band “a shit Radiohead”.
Additionally, Bono, a man Martin is deemed the successor to, endorsed Coldplay, which most seemingly discerning music fans would want to distance themselves from. Not only that, but he’s described them as “much more interesting” than rock music. While they might now be distinct from outward rock due to their heavily pop-leaning recent efforts, Bono’s comments ahead of Coldplay’s headline slot at Glastonbury 2024 say a lot. His ridiculously pretentious account evokes Martin’s essence and why people have come to laothe the British band.
He said: “I should mention Coldplay are not a rock band. I hope that’s obvious. There is something much more interesting going on there like the Isley Brothers or something. They should not be judged by rock rules… Rage is the river running under most rock formations. Coldplay’s music has a different source and I think it’s best revealed in this song ‘Clocks’.”
This goes against everything that undisputed rock icon Lemmy once said in 2004 when discussing the state of rock. He had some choice words for Coldplay: “All the shit that these magazines like is not exciting. Like, Jesus, Radiohead, you know. Fuck me, you know. Coldplay. Jesus. These are not rock bands. These are sub-emo, you know.” His choice of words might be debatable, but his point was heard clearly: Coldplay are boring.
Simply put, Coldplay cannot escape who they are. It is this dichotomy that has brought them untold riches, and earned them ample hate. They might be accomplished musicians – a facet implicated by the fact that even their fiercest detractors are likely to have a guilty pleasure or two amid their back catalogue – have done it their own way, and the rest, but they will never be cool kids. Per Buckland’s account, they never wanted to be so, either. They will sit comfortably at the table with Bono, The Edge, and The Followills ad infinitum, sipping on their lager tops.
To coin a line from Calvary, it’s not that detractors truly hate them, it’s just that they have no integrity, and that’s the worst thing you can say about anyone.
