The three worst films of Michael Caine’s career: “The movie was doomed”
Spending 70 years in one job, regardless of what it is, won’t lead to seven decades of consistent highs, and for Michael Caine, the lows came in some of the worst films ever made. That’s not to say their quality went right over his head, and he was even kind enough to paint all of them in a positive light in one way or another.
Of course, there’s not a thespian in the history of the moving image that boasts a spotless, flawless, and impeccable track record filled with nothing but seminal masterpieces, box office behemoths, and acclaimed critical darlings, but Caine has also notched his fair share of those, too.
That’s one of the many reasons why he retired with his head held high and his reputation intact as a true legend of the silver screen, with two Academy Awards to his name and a back catalogue of classics that saw him dip his toes into every single genre imaginable other than the Western, although he had his reasons for avoiding the dusty plains.
The most prominent bad movie of Caine’s career has got to be Jaws: The Revenge, if only because it gave rise to one of his most famous-ever soundbites. Having been robbed of the chance to collect his Oscar for Woody Allen’s Hannah and Her Sisters in person because he was on the other side of the world battling a mechanical shark, the star anointed it as “terrible” but did enjoy the house he was able to purchase with his paycheque.
Another nadir came with the sequel to one of the greatest disaster epics ever made, with Beyond the Poseidon Adventure resolutely failing to reach the high bar set by its predecessor. The absurdity of being plunged underwater with his co-stars while pretending to fend off sharks that wouldn’t be added until post-production was one that stuck in the memory, and befitting its genre, Caine branded it a “disaster”.
Fortunately, the third least enjoyable experience of his lengthy stint in the spotlight didn’t involve sharks for a change, but there were bees. Not even dogs with just bees in their mouths, but regular old killer bees that invade Texas with murder on their minds. Turning a negative into a positive, though, he conceded “the movie was doomed” from the beginning, but on the plus side “it got me to America and opened up all sorts of opportunities for me.”
“The movie was doomed, but we didn’t notice,” said Caine of The Swarm, the witless killer bee shocker that initiated his historic losing streak. The film, which marked Allen’s ill-advised directorial debut, “was one of the worst I ever made, but it got me to America,” added Caine, characteristically looking on the bright side, “and opened up all sorts of opportunities for me.”
Caine’s assessment of The Swarm – an accurate one, at that – was that it was “one of the worst pictures I made,” and the signs were ominous from the very beginning after he shared how “the first review was in” the second the insects started shitting all over the cast on set.
An apt descriptor of The Swarm if ever there was one, but it can’t help but be noticed of Caine’s trio of terrible titles, two of them are creature features and the third one boasts a sequence that wouldn’t be out of place in a cinematic monster mash.
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