“I don’t know if I could do it”: The song Stevie Nicks called too emotional to play live
Every artist tends to have a few songs that defeat them emotionally. Regardless of how much they want to do right by the fans and do a song justice, some tunes get to the heart before they register with the brain, and it could leave anyone in shambles if they so much as hear the first few notes of a tune. Although it would take a massive amount of strength to sing any Stevie Nicks song, she admitted that this tune was far too close to the bone to ever consider playing live.
Then again, Nicks was always one to leave her best moments in her songs. Even though some of her emotional trauma could get ugly on Rumours, it was nothing for her to spin it into solid gold, whether that was harmonising on ‘Go Your Own Way’ or turning in something like ‘Gold Dust Woman’.
Because every one of her songs was about more than having a catchy melody. It was about capturing a certain spirit within the space of a few minutes, but when the kind of heartache she sings about touches an entire generation, it gets a little too close for comfort.
While Nicks never considered herself a reporter in the same way Bob Dylan may have been, she was shell-shocked watching the horrific events unfold on September 11th, 2001. As the Twin Towers came down, every musician banded together in the coming days to help however they could, whether that meant putting on benefit gigs or people like Bruce Springsteen writing songs to help people overcome their trauma.
Despite having to wait a few years for her reaction, ‘Illume (9-11)’ is one of the most open-hearted songs that Nicks would ever write. Some lines are more cryptic than others, but listening to her talk about the shadows of strangers left behind and how she’s alone with her thoughts is a brilliant way of painting that picture of isolation people felt knowing their country was under fire.
Although Nicks had dipped her toes into other political material in the past, like ‘Desert Storm’, she said that ‘Illume’ is one of the few tunes that she has never been able to pull off onstage, saying, “I wrote ‘Illume’ for 9/11 and I’ve never been able to do ‘Illume’ on stage, still, after all this time, because it’s too close. I don’t know if I could do it.”
It also might come down to Nicks’ personal relationship with her songs. Although she has been able to beautifully paint a picture of women’s struggles in recent years on ‘The Lighthouse’, ‘Illume’ doesn’t work in the same way because of how sudden that day was for every American watching the towers fall.
Even though music is meant to be about celebration and unity whenever someone puts on a concert, ‘Illume’ feels better suited to be a museum piece than a proper live cut. Because no matter how many times she might try to put it into the setlist, any performance may be like opening up a raw wound.
