“Who the hell am I?” The song Billy Joel thought he wasn’t good enough to write
Although a cultural touchstone for many musicians, Billy Joel is also one of the most visual creatives ever. Since day one, he has mastered the art of blending real experiences with musical viscera, whether framed in the atmospheric lines of pop, classical, or rock music. A real music adorer through and through, Joel epitomised the appeal of contemporary genre-blending with an unwavering commitment to artistic expression.
If you were to ask Joel for his musical inspiration, besides the obvious trailblazers like those who charged the 1960s British invasion and the many who pioneered the 1970s singer-songwriter movement, he would likely say that his ideas materialise from somewhere less tangible, occurring in his subconscious or random moments of euphoria. Sometimes, his ideas peer to him in dreams, desperate to be grasped and fleeting in their vividness.
This atmosphere often bleeds into his music, especially through his more sentimental and emotional notes, but also during more delicate ambience, when it’s clear that Joel knows how to let the music invoke depth, even with instrumental segments without lyrics to guide specific meaning. This might stem from his deep-seated love for music in all its forms, but it also demonstrates Joel’s excellence despite likely viewing himself as more of a protégé than a leader.
The nature of being this way—consistently coasting the line between pioneer and student—means that Joel also often oscillates between a musical leader and one entering the realm of imposter syndrome, especially when it comes to making music in genres he isn’t as well accustomed to. We all know of ‘We Didn’t Start The Fire’ and ‘Piano Man’, but with other ventures, like his classical album, for instance, Joel knows his place more than anybody.
This was also the case with another song, ‘The River Of Dreams’, which came to Joel in a dream, adorned with a type of gospel-leaning ambiance that made him unsure about his own capabilities. The problem with this song was that because it came to him in a state of semi-consciousness, he struggled to capture the song’s essence and feel confident about being able to pull it off. As he explained to Howard Stern: “I thought, Who the hell am I to try to pull off this gospel song? So I took a shower to wash this song away. I sang it in the shower and knew I had to do it.”
Another theme that likely posed a challenge was the song’s spirituality, which is one of its defining aspects. Joel pulls off this graciously despite identifying as an atheist, utilising biblical imagery throughout the song and the title, which refers to the several connotations of rivers and waters in the Bible, including baptisms and rebirth. Still, the idea for the song came to him so strongly that he knew he had to try, and it paid off in the end with a song that resonated, regardless of belief.
Joel’s unwavering commitment to following through with an idea that presents itself strongly speaks to his knowledgeability and intuition: not only does he constantly encounter big and small ideas, but he also knows when to dismiss some prospects and when he is presented with his calling. More often than not, this passion will prove his immense versatility and ability to create timeless songs, no matter how ambitious they may initially seem.
