Who was the ‘Handsome Devil’ The Smiths were singing about?
Before everything went to shit, Morrisey was cool. He was a rock ‘n’ roll Oscar Wilde, his work fronting The Smiths making vulnerability, intelligence and wit fashionable in the intensely macho 1980s. He was also proudly effete too, coy with his sexuality, but those who knew where to look knew exactly what was going on. This may not sound like much in an era where the biggest song of the year is about getting an ex to leave the closet proudly. However, in an era where even Freddie Mercury was still adamant about his “straightness” in public, it was miraculous.
He’d also been making this kind of music since the very beginning. The very first song the main incarnation of the band played together was ‘Handsome Devil’, a song which would go on to be the B-side of their very first single ‘Hand in Glove’. From the off, the band had the same reaction to their first time playing together that Led Zeppelin had with their first bash through ‘Train Kept a’ Rollin’. Bassist Andy Rourke saying “The energy was just there, and it was right. And we were all looking at each other, just going, ‘fucking hell.'”
The song must have helped too. A raucous banger, the closest the band ever got to going full punk-rock, with Moz’s trademark yodel over the top of it. The lyric though, would be one as controversial as it is compelling, and it was very controversial. Morrisey takes the role of a raffish cad of a narrator, a teacher seducing the ‘handsome devils’ he teaches with the promise, “I can help you pass your exams.” Crossing the line twice, the final verse sees the narrator ask “And when we’re in your scholarly room, who will swallow whom?”
It’s purest Carry On fun, eyebrow so arched it’s skirting the clouds themselves. However, as often happens when media made by queer people reaches the delicate ears of straight people, powerful people decided this was actually an admission of a crime. ‘Handsome Devil’, plus ‘Ring Around The Fountain’ from their self-titled debut album, were taken as admissions of disgusting crimes against children (crimes, it must never be forgotten, that are statistically most likely to be committed by men with families). Suddenly, The Smiths were in a lot of very hot water.
The public, stoked up by bigoted maniac Geoffrey Dickens and his hatred of homosexuals and teddy bears (he tried to criminalise both, and I am not kidding), were suddenly up in arms about anything resembling danger towards children (I’m kinder than they deserve, they were really just looking for anything vaguely queer). The Sun ran an article about the two songs, and Morrissey, as was his style for years, took to the pages of the NME to set things straight.
He said “This piece makes me out to be a proud child molester and I don’t even like children. ‘Handsome Devil’ is entirely directed towards adults.” It is a crying shame that a man who knows full well the effects of bigoted, hateful, untrue smear campaigns now devotes his entire life to them in his later life. C’est la vie, I guess.
