The many movies Roger Ebert gave zero stars
There are many things one sets out to be when taking up the mantle of being a critic. Famously not a statue-worthy profession, the reality of being a wordmith with a first glance at a wide range of movies means one trait is as vital as the pen in your hand: fairness. Roger Ebert was always fair.
And that’s very necessary when critiquing the vast amount of movies he had to view over his decades as one of the world’s best love critics. To be fair is to not only provide your audience with a reasonable understanding of your measurements for great movies as a fellow cinemagoer, but also provide yourself with a compass, moral or otherwise, by which to shape your direction artistically. One such problem this helps with is the absolutes: best and worst.
The question of ‘the worst movie of all time’ is as difficult to answer as that of the ‘best movie of all time’, with both hinging entirely on subjective opinion. Yet, if you were going to trust one person to determine the worst films of all time, Ebert would have been the perfect man, with the late movie critic being savage in his takedowns of the most poorly constructed releases of any given year.
Known in the late 20th century and early 2000s for his TV series At the Movies, hosted with fellow critic Gene Siskel, Ebert became an iconic face of American television screens. The pair became known for their venomous movie debates, with both being as stubborn as the other, leading to some fascinating TV and some genuinely insightful debates that led many viewers to consider their own opinions on their favourite films.
Rarely would the pair give the time and airways to terrible movies, but this didn’t stop Ebert from slamming a number of releases over the years, giving over 50 films an embarrassing zero out of ten.
While many of the movies on the list are pretty unknown, for good reason, there are a number of surprise inclusions that demonstrate just how fearless Ebert was as a critic. For example, the 1990 comedy Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead, starring Richard Dreyfuss, Tim Roth and Gary Oldman, makes the list despite being praised by critics and audiences to this very day.
Meanwhile, a minority of people may be disappointed to see the cult favourite Freddy Got Fingered by Tom Green on the list. Although considered a critical and commercial flop at the time of its release, those who adore the comedy of Green stand by the film to this day, considering it an ironic comedy that defined the mood of society at the turn of the new millennium.
With that being said, it’s a delight to see the 2011 Tom Six movie The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence) on the list, with the sequel to the 2009 film, and the series on the whole, being a truly hideous piece of genre filmmaking.
The truth is, Ebert lived and worked by a set of rules when it came to cinema. He didn’t appreciate art for art’s sake, he loved movies made for audiences. He saw the business as consumer-led, and as long as the picture impressed him and his fellow cinephiles, be they populist or elitist, then it was heralded as such. Equally, if it failed in those areas, it was always likely to be berated.
Take a look at the full list of movies Roger Ebert gave zero stars to below, and delve into them at your peril.
Every movie Roger Ebert gave zero stars:
- 10 to Midnight (J. Lee Thompson, 1983)
- Africa Addio (Gualtiero Jacopetti, 1966)
- An Alan Smithee Film: Burn, Hollywood, Burn (Arthur Hiller, 1977)
- Andrew Dice Clay: Dice Rules (Jay Dubin, 1991)
- B.A.P.S. (Robert Townsend, 1997)
- Breaking the Rules (Neal Israel, 1992)
- Caligula (Tinto Brass, 1979)
- Dangerously Close (Albert Pyun, 1986)
- The Deadly Hostage (David DeFalco, 2005)
- Death Race 2000 (Paul Bartel, 1975)
- Death Wish II (Michael Winner, 1982)
- Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (Mike Bigelow, 2005)
- The Devils (Ken Russell, 1971)
- Dirty Love (John Asher, 2005)
- The Doom Generation (Gregg Araki, 1985)
- Erik the Viking (Terry Jones, 1985)
- The Exterminator (James Glickenhaus, 1981)
- Fathom (Leslie H. Martinson, 1967)
- The Female Bunch (Al Adamson, 1971)
- Fever Pitch (Richard Brooks, 1985)
- Freddy Got Fingered (Tom Green, 2001)
- Frogs for Snakes (Amos Poe, 1998)
- Frozen Assets (George Miller, 1992)
- Goodbye Uncle Tom (Gualtiero Jacopetti, 1971)
- The Green Berets (Ray Kellogg, John Wayne, Mervyn LeRoy, 1968)
- Guyana: Crime of the Century (René Cardona Jr., 1979)
- Hardly Working (Jerry Lewis, 1980)
- The Hitcher (Robert Harmon, 1986)
- The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence) (Tom Six, 2011)
- I, a Man (Paul Morrissey, Andy Warhol, 1967)
- I Spit on Your Grave (Meir Zarchi, 1978)
- I Spit on Your Grave (Steven R. Monroe, 2010)
- If He Hollers, Let Him Go! (Charles Martin, 1968)
- Jaws: The Revenge (Joseph Sargent, 1987)
- Key Exchange (Barnet Kellman, 1985)
- Last Rites (Donald P. Bellisario, 1988)
- The Life of David Gale (Alan Parker, 2003)
- Little Indian, Big City (Hervé Palud, 1994)
- Lumière (Jeanne Moreau, 1976)
- Mad Dog Time (Larry Bishop, 1996)
- Mandingo (Richard Fleischer, 1975)
- Mother’s Day (Charles Kaufman, 1980)
- North (Rob Reiner, 1994)
- Police Academy (Hugh Wilson, 1984)
- Prison Girls (Tom DeSimone, 1972)
- Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead (Tom Stoppard, 1990)
- Rude Awakening (David Greenwalt, Aaron Russo, 1989)
- September Dawn (Christopher Cain, 2007)
- She’s Out of Control (Stan Dragoti, 1989)
- Slackers (Dewey Nicks, 2002)
- Sour Grapes (Larry David, 1998)
- Speed Zone (Jim Drake, 1989)
- The Statue (Rod Amateau, 1971)
- Survive! (René Cardona, 1976)
- The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Marcus Nispel, 2003)
- Tomcats (Gregory Poirier, 2001)
- Wolf Creek (Greg McLean, 2005)
