The ‘James Bond’ script that was rejected for mocking the Catholic church
No matter the year or state of affairs, someone somewhere in the world will be discussing who would make a great James Bond. The archetypal agent, Bond’s position as one of the most alluring characters in movie history has meant the fabled 007 will forever be a part of the cinematic lexicon. As such, thousands of directors, actors and producers have thought about making Bond feel different.
There are probably directors at your local film school who have not only had passing thoughts but written updrafts on what they would do to take Britain’s most dangerous weapon into something more romantic, cooler, darker, or anything else in between. However, due to the immense popularity of the James Bond films, it is only natural that every single element of the projects is customised according to the logic of the market. Consequently, many potentially subversive additions to the franchise’s enormous legacy have been discarded and replaced with more palatable alternatives over the years.
The most hilarious example of this is the screenplay that pioneering filmmaker John Landis wrote for The Spy Who Loved Me. For the 1977 thriller, which starred Roger Moore as Bond, producer Albert R Broccoli had gathered a formidable team of writers, including Anthony Burgess, Landis, and Cary Bates, among many others.
Although Lewis Gilbert eventually directed The Spy Who Loved Me, many other filmmakers were touted for the project, including the now-legendary Steven Spielberg, who was busy with Jaws, and Guy Hamilton. The producers depended on the critical success of The Spy Who Loved Me because its predecessor, The Man with the Golden Gun, had been lampooned by critics.
While Burgess, famed for penning the not-very-Bond-like A Clockwork Orange, was drafting a script based on his novel Tremor of Intent, Landis was cooking up something different in the same office. He had actually devised a screenplay that followed Bond on an adventure that required him to foil the kidnapping of the Pope. It’s the kind of churlish premise that could easily have worked with Moore’s camp and comedic portrayal of 007.
Though Landis seemed set on the idea, things weren’t going to fly with the producers and gatekeepers of Bond. The premise went down like a lead balloon with Broccoli, who had made sure that Landis got a nice apartment and access to a 16mm projector with all the James Bond films for his work, in the hope he would pick up the scent of what the movies should be about.
According to Landis, he wrote a scene that involved Bond going into a cathedral while being chased down by troops. “On the altar is an enormous crucifix, and on the back of it, hiding, is James Bond,” Landis recalled. “[Broccoli] went ‘NO!’ He was really against it. The thing that got [Broccoli] was I wanted to pull people out of the confessional, guns in their face.”
At the time, Hamilton was attached as the director, and he was so amused by this that he claimed credit for the joke.
Finally, Richard Maibaum and Christopher Wood gathered input from a highly talented group of writers. They fashioned into a more consumable script that revolved around Bond’s investigations of the hijacking of submarines equipped with nuclear warheads. While the final product was nowhere near as hilarious as the kidnapping of the Pope, the film did introduce audiences to one of the most iconic Bond villains of all time – Jaws, played by Richard Kiel.
The multiple stories, actors, and directors that have contributed to the very fabric of James Bond cemented its position within our society. Few cultural characters are as neatly woven into the tapestry of the world as Bond, and for that reason, his thread should be keenly observed. But as the world begins to change and the story of Bond goes with it, perhaps sometime in the future, we may get to see something similar to Landis’ story come into effect.
