“F*** you Captain Tom”: Inside the bitter argument between Frank Zappa and David Bowie
Adrian Belew has enjoyed a career better than most. As well as establishing himself as one of the all-time greats of guitar playing, he has shared the studio and stage with various eminent acts, including the likes of David Bowie, Frank Zappa, King Crimson and Talking Heads. Duly, Belew has many tales from his time in the music industry. However, none is as astounding as the heated exchange between Zappa and Bowie over his services in the late 1970s. Admittedly, it wasn’t a traditional two-way argument, more Zappa being enraged at Bowie for attempting to poach his guitarist.
Belew first recounted the story on his Facebook page in January 2016. He recalled: “In 1978, I did my first tour of Europe as ‘stunt’ guitarist and singer for Frank Zappa’s band. The night we played in Cologne, Germany, unbeknownst to me, Brian Eno was in the audience. Brian knew David Bowie was looking for a new guitarist for his upcoming tour. He called David after seeing our show and told David he should come see the guitarist for Frank’s band.”
Continuing, Belew added: “The next night, we performed in Berlin. There was a part of the show where Frank took an extended guitar solo, so the band members left the stage for a few minutes. As I walked to the back of the stage, I looked over at the monitor mixing board and saw David Bowie and Iggy Pop standing there.”
Blown away by Bowie being at his show, Belew walked over to the pair of hellraisers: “Wow! I couldn’t believe it! So I walked over to David Bowie, shook his hand and said, ‘I love what you’ve done, thank you for all the music.'”
This was when Belew’s life started to take a different direction: “And he said, ‘Great, how would you like to be in my band?’ I motioned back towards Frank and said, ‘Well, I’m kind of playing with that guy.’ David laughed and said, ‘Yes, I know, but when Frank’s tour ends, my tour starts two weeks later. Shall we talk about it over dinner?'”
That night, Bowie, his assistant Coco Schwab, and Belew went to one of Bowie’s favourite Berlin restaurants. However, the man who Belew was already in the employ of, Frank Zappa, also happened to be there with the rest of his band. The guitarist recalled: “We arrived at the restaurant, went in the front door, and who should be sitting at the very first table but Frank Zappa and the rest of the band! So the three of us sat down with Frank and the band. David, trying to be cordial, motioned to me and said, ‘Quite a guitar player you have here, Frank.'”
Sensing what was happening, Zappa didn’t take well to Bowie attempting to steal his guitarist. Delivering a diminishing take on Bowie’s iconic character, Zappa allegedly responded: “Fuck you, Captain Tom.”
Belew carried on his account: “David persisted, ‘Oh come on now Frank, surely we can be gentlemen about this?’ Frank said, ‘Fuck you, Captain Tom’. By this point, I was paralysed. David said, ‘So you really have nothing to say?’ Frank said, ‘Fuck you, Captain Tom.'”
Concluding his report of that painfully awkward moment, Belew wrote: “David and Coco and I got up and went back out the front door. Getting in the limo, David said in his wonderfully British way, ‘I thought that went rather nicely!'”
Per Medium, the following day, Belew wrote a postscript on social media. He said: “Of course, he was entitled now to be distant to me. He had plucked me out of obscurity, taught me so many things, and shined a bright light on me. Zappa was my mentor, and he was not an asshole to me, not ever! He was generous, funny as heck, brilliant, and informative. A genius. It was never part of my plan to leave Frank’s tutelage forever.”
Belew added: “We still had two weeks of touring left. Zappa had already informed me he was going to rent a giant film editing machine, then spend three or four months editing our live concert footage into a film called ‘Baby Snakes’. He explained I would be kept on a retainer which meant I would be paid to do nothing but wait for Frank’s next project.”
Describing the awkward atmosphere between him and Zappa following the Bowie clash in Berlin, Belew explained that after he had been officially offered a four-month job on the Bowie tour, he attempted to clear things up with Zappa: “I reminded him of his plan to edit his film and pay me a retainer and asked him if it didn’t make more sense for me to join David’s tour for four months instead. I told him I would gladly return after the tour. Frank reached out, and we shook hands.”
Afterwards, though, he recalled: “That evening, February 26th, we played a concert in Brussels, Belgium. One of Frank’s songs we did was ‘Yo Mama’. But for that show, Frank substituted the words ‘Your David’. So this is what he sang: ‘Maybe you should stay with your David, He can do your laundry and cook for you, Maybe you should stay with your David, You’re really kind of stupid and ugly too’.”
Belew concluded his postscript, saying: “Two nights later, the tour ended in London at the Hammersmith Odeon. There was an onstage occurrence which angered Frank. Frank cut the show short and stormed off. The next day most of the band members flew back to L.A., where they all lived. I was told later that Frank fired the band on that flight home. I got on a plane to Dallas for two weeks rehearsal with David Bowie.”
All’s well that ends well, though. When responding to a fan in the comments of his original post, Belew said: “I also thought I would join Frank again afterwards. But David’s tour went longer, and Frank started a different band. At least I had Frank’s blessing. He thought it was the right choice for me as well.”
