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The Biggest Fuck-Ups of 2014

2014 has been a year full of glorious triumphs, but it’s also been a year full of triumphant fuck-ups. We are here to celebrate those fuck-ups and highlight their idiocy for all to enjoy and savour like a deliciously rotten Turkey on it’s fourth round of sandwiches.

Wayne Coyne Befriending Miley Cyrus 

One of our favourite artists here in the office, Wayne Coyne, the oddball frontman from the amazing Flaming Lips did something which turned us off a little – something we never thought would happen – when he befriended the latest pop-brat off the Disney disaster conveyor-belt, Miley Cyrus. Maybe it was ironic, perhaps he feels sorry for her or possibly he’s teaching her how to write songs but either way it made us like Coyne a whole lot less.

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Kanye West’s whole 2014. 

Some would say he’s a genius, namely West himself, but he’s had a terrible 2014. Following on from possibly the worst music video ever created for the porno-patched ‘Bound 2’ (only slightly excused by the hilarious Franco/Rogen re-make), and his usual self-promotion, he went on to marry the spawn of Satan, the crowning glory of the seedy underbelly of capitalist society, the most disgusting tribute to womanhood ever described, Kim Kardashian. Famous for nothing but a sex tape and a collagen injected arse, West has hitched himself to a wagon full of modern hatred and guaranteed himself a disdainful look from any person with more then 2 brain cells.

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Berlin Pscyh Fest 2014 

The biggest fuck-up we experienced this year was from the ‘organisers’ of the Berlin Psych Fest 2014. After not paying bands, misinforming the press and then exiling himself ‘Robbie D Love’ also takes a separate award for ‘2014’s Biggest Cockroach’. As this still a sore subject for everyone in the office we will just let you read all about the travesty that was Berlin Psych Fest 2014 here.

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U2 Made Another Album … And Gave It To Everyone 

Beyond the obvious failure of not realising that their time as a band was over, U2 also thought it was a good idea to pile their latest piece of pallid work on to every man, woman and child with an Apple device. An unique idea born out of not only the arrogance of Bono and Co. but the complete ambivalence to a music lover’s choice to not fill their iTunes with a-sexual, beige nonsense, U2 released Songs of Innocence. Compounded by Bono’s apology whereby he justifies himself as ‘generous’ this has to be one of the biggest fuck-ups of the year.

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Tinchy Stryder Collaborates With The Chuckle Brothers – Ruins Their Career.

The former star of Grime-pop has had a fairly shameful year. After making himself look like a mini hip-hop version of a tiny jungle-goblin in this year’s thinly veiled destruction of a bunch of ‘celebrities’ careers in ‘I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here’ he went one step further and tarnished the career of some cult-legends. The Chuckle Brothers lowered themselves to a novelty song with the Principito of Grime. Sad times boys, very sad we hope you recover and are back up to full speed ‘to me, to you-ing’ as soon as possible.

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The Pizza Underground: From Conception to Delivery

After losing one of the Rock world’s foremost geniuses of his time; Lou Reed earlier in the year, Macaulay Caulkin thought it was a wise idea to create a parody of The Velvet Underground back-catalogue with a pizza twist. For the boy whom once thwarted so many burglars with just a tarantula, a zip-wire and a BB-gun we expected far better. With it’s conception shrouded in shallow press all looking to grab some column inches and see if the former child-star was still abusing the band gained meek notoriety. Then, thanks to the good people of Nottingham, the band got what they deserved at this year’s Dot to Dot Festival, when they were pelted with beer and bottles until they whimpered off just three songs in. God Bless you Nottingham!

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Solange beats up Jay-Z (not-so) Secretly.  

Solange Knowles, famed for her younger sister’s domination of the pop-world, found herself plastered across virtually every newspaper in the Western world earlier in the year when she let loose on the Blueprint music mogul and rap extraordinaire brother-in-law Jay-Z. Solange unleashed a flurry of words and threw a barrel of punches while her sister Beyonce watched on. Sparking rumours of infidelity and divorce it for The Carters it created a media storm – and probably sold out the Mr and Mrs Carter Tour expansion dates in seconds. Fuck-up? Perhaps not then. Funny? Most definitely.

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2014 then not only had all the hallmarks of a great year in music but contained the proof that music and the people that make it can still make us laugh, fume with anger and hate like we’ve never hated before. After all, it is the British way. Bring on 2015

Jack Whatley