The strangest gift Frank Zappa ever received: a jar of shit
Frank Zappa was known to defy all expectations, but amazingly, he once gave an interview for the adult magazine Cheri, conducted by the 1970s adult film star Cherry Bomb. Cheri had been known to combine the world of adult film with that of contemporary pop culture. For example, Cherry Bomb herself would hang out with the likes of Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd, while there would be an in-depth analysis of particular sex acts.
As for Zappa, his interview went down at the St. Regis Hotel. Cherry appeared to be instantly infatuated with the man. She wrote: “And there he was, crouched and glowering on the couch. I’ll tell ya; I was just stunned. Forget your Mick Jaggers and your Robert Plants – this guy is gorgeous up close! Frank Zappa radiates an animal magnetism, a bumpy allure his photos have never approached.”
The interview began with a discussion of Zappa’s appearance on Saturday Night Live. When Cherry asked whether he had scored the slot on the show through friends in high places, Zappa dourly answered: “I have no friends.” Zappa had written a song for the sketch about a humanoid creature called the Conehead.
However, he was also somewhat cynical of the format of television in sum, adding: “The Conehead is a way of life. I think Americans are beginning to realise it means something important. Unfortunately, TV hasn’t taken the big step to capitalise on it. They should have a Conehead series on NBC – a situation comedy every week. That would be great! Only the Coneheads, though.”
Cherry then asked whether Zappa’s highly sexualised live performances had been any deliberate attempt to “gross out” his audience. However, Zappa insisted that he did not necessarily mean to freak out his audience nor to arouse them beyond the normal state of watching intense rock music. He then noted an extraordinary gift he received from one of his fans.
“My fans do some weird things, I’ll admit,” Zappa said. “There was this girl from Chicago, Laurel, who won a contest. And I was the first prize – I mean, she could come backstage and meet me. And she gave me a present – a Mason jar with one of her turds in it, rolled up into the shape of a cannonball. I didn’t know what to do. I just said, ‘Thank you,’ and put it down on the dressing-room table.”
He added: “That was when I had the Mothers with Flo and Eddie, and Jim Pons was playing bass. I’d planned just to leave it in the dressing room – but no, Jim got curious to see if it was real. Was it, or was it not a piece of poop? He carried it around for a while and finally took one whiff – and yecch! It was real.”
Gross.
