From the Mötley Cruise to the Motörhead Motörboat: The strange 2000s trend of bands on boats
For some time before her passing, my grandmother used to go on ‘Saga Holidays’ for over-50s, often embarking on cruises that had evening entertainment designed to appeal to people of her age bracket. Slick house bands would be performing the hits of Frank Sinatra, Andy Williams and Bing Crosby, and the old ladies would lap it up.
I remember my dad reacting to the notion of this with words to the effect of “don’t ever put me on one of those fucking ships,” and him declaring that “there had better be punk cruises when I’m that old.” Fortunately for him, someone was evidently listening to his and several other middle-aged people’s requests, because in recent times, there has become something of a trend of rock and alternative bands setting up their own official package holidays on board cruise ships.
Mötley Crüe were arguably the first band to set sail on a rockstar voyage that their fans could also join them on, when they partnered with MTV in 1987 as part of a competition that would allow lucky winners to gallivant around the Bermuda Triangle on their ‘Cruise to Nowhere’. They would follow this up with their Mötley Cruise in 2008, where they were also joined by the likes of Skid Row and Ratt on a four-day trip from Miami to Mexico, but there have been plenty of other examples of this kind of sea-faring activity.
The Motörhead Motörboat was another metal-centred voyage where another egregiously umlauted band performed on board a boat decked out with gigantic sound systems, a well-stocked bar and plenty of slot machines, all at the behest of Lemmy and his specific interests. Despite only taking place twice, it’s fondly remembered by those who were fortunate enough to ride the waves with the Birmingham band, as is the Kiss Kruise, which has seen the glam metal band travel the world every year since 2011.
The premise of these experiences is simple, you get to be on an enormous boat with your favourite band, see them and perhaps a handful of other bands of a similar ilk perform multiple shows over the course of a few days, and get to sit down for exclusive and intimate Q&A sessions with the artists. That’s not to mention that these also act as a pretty decent excuse for a knees-up where you can have all of the thrills of a festival without being stuck in a tent or having to stomach a number of bands you simply don’t care for.
Several other more generic cruises exist, with the Southern Rock Cruise having had the likes of Lynyrd Skynyrd join them on board, and 70,000 Tons of Metal having had everyone from Anthrax to Meshuggah on their excursions since 2011. But why is it that all older acts have these luxuries afforded to them, and that no such thing exists for younger audiences?
To put it simply, older people are going to have more disposable income available to them to be able to afford such an experience, and young socialites and influencers who have cash coming out of the wazoo seem to be content with glamping packages at places like Coachella and Glastonbury, where they can film their vapid adventures for followers to vicariously soak up through TikTok reels.
The next generation will likely get experiences where the acts they adore begin offering exclusive trips to fans once they’re of a financial disposition to afford such a thing. We’ve already had the 2012 Weezer Cruise for elder millennials, which I discovered on a stag do I attended a few years back that someone actually met their life partner on board, so why wouldn’t others follow suit? In 20-30 years’ time, we could all be on board the Fontaines Ferry, or, if he ever chose to return to music, the Frank Ocean Liner.
It’s a bizarre concept, but undoubtedly one that people who have been fortunate enough to experience will cherish forever. As for my dad, he’s yet to hit the deck of such a thing, and while I’m sure he’d be delighted to find out that experiences for like-minded people do exist as an alternative to the soulless Saga packages, the contrarian in him would probably also baulk at the idea of doing it for himself.
