Sickly cinema: The five most disgusting movie meals
One of the worst things anyone can do is watch a movie when they’re hungry because there’s very little good that can come from sitting down to watch a film in its entirety with a rumbling stomach.
If it happens in a crowded cinema, then the people in close proximity will become increasingly annoyed by the growls. If there’s delicious-looking food on-screen, then it’s only going to get worse. If it’s a horror flick playing on the big screen, then it could realistically go one of two ways and cause that hunger to vanish entirely or lead to a bad case of retching.
Martin Scorsese’s mother ended up writing a bestselling cookbook after her work in the kitchen proved so popular in Goodfellas, but the same cannot be said of the meals that occupy the other end of the spectrum.
Some recipes are not for sharing under any circumstances, and the following five fit the bill, and are so off-putting that dinner may well be deemed as inessential in the aftermath.
The five most disgusting movie meals:
5. Elf (Jon Favreau, 2003)
Not quite as stomach-turning in a graphic sense as some of the other entries to follow, but still, even watching Will Ferrell stuff that horrendous concoction into his mouth in festive favourite Elf is tough to watch.
It’s entirely in keeping with Buddy’s character, in fairness, but Ferrell must have had a rough time shooting that scene given the sugar overload and horrendous combination of textures that define his homemade meal.
Pasta and tomato-based sauces go hand-in-hand, but spaghetti under no circumstances goes with maple syrup, chocolate syrup, marshmallows, Pop-Tarts, and various other forms of confectionery. Sure, it’s played entirely for laughs, but it’s ghastly stuff.
4. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (Steven Spielberg, 1984)
Culturally insensitive it may be, but it’s hard not to sympathise with Willie Scott when she’s presented with a feast not quite suited to her palate in Steven Spielberg’s darker, more dangerous, and PG-13 instigating Indiana Jones sequel.
A spread fit for a cult, Temple of Doom doesn’t shy away from presenting its tableau of eyeball soup, gigantic bugs, live snakes, and chilled monkey brains as being remotely appetising, but for the local population it goes down as easy as a Sunday roast.
For Scott – and everyone else watching, for that matter – it’s a test of the gag reflex. The foodstuffs used to create them for the film were delicious enough, but raspberries and custard being transformed into a harrowing banquet eradicated hunger among the audience in an instant.
3. Snowpiercer (Bong Joon-ho, 2013)
The front carriages of the train in Bong Joon-ho‘s Snowpiercer enjoy all the amenities they’ve become accustomed to given their wealth, class, and status, but the same can’t be said of the lowly working classes restricted to the back.
They need to be kept alive to complete their menial tasks, though, and thus, they require sustenance. For the orchestrators of their meagre existence it’s a masterstroke, but for everyone else a change in diet can’t come quickly enough, making it easy to see why they’re willing to die for the chance.
Blockish, gloopy, rectangular bars of brownish goop are the order of the day, and the protein bars are made entirely of squished bugs. Not exactly five a day, but indicative of the societal oppression imposed upon them.
2. Braindead (Peter Jackson, 1992)
For many people, Peter Jackson will be best remembered for turning J.R.R. Tolkien’s ‘unfilmable’ Lord of the Rings series into a majestic trilogy that’s unfortunately not been allowed to exist on its own in the age of repetitious franchise slop.
For others, however, he’ll always be the guy who gave cinema its worst-ever plate of custard. After being bitten by a monkey, a dinner party takes a turn for the worst when the mother of Timothy Balme’s Lionel Cosgrove ends up spurting a mixture of pus and blood from her festering wounds into a nearby bowl, with guests over for dinner no less.
Nobody wants to eat body parts mixed with custard, but on the plus side, at least it’s her own ear that Elizabeth Moody’s Vera Cosgrove ends up ingesting.
1. Titus (Julie Taymor, 1999)
Pies are sold and eaten everywhere, from local bakeries to cavernous football stadiums, but nobody expects to be served one made by their own children.
Jessica Lange’s Tamora isn’t afforded the same grace, though, with Anthony Hopkins’ title character getting into the spirit of things by dressing the part before wheeling out the day’s special.
It’s the way the slices jiggle around on the plate that pushes it over the edge, but in a show of mercy that’s hardly a gracious one, he kills her before she’d even had a chance to digest her own offspring.
